April 20, 2019 - Easter

We know the Easter story. But we can overlook what Jesus went through when he died for us. Or we think, “Well, he’s the son of God so it must have been easier for him - probably didn’t hurt as much as it would for ‘regular’ people.”

But He was a man and he suffered - not only physical pain (which would have been overwhelming). He suffered betrayals by disciples - Judas sold him and Peter denied him. He suffered the pain of abandonment and loneliness as he prayed in the garden. He was fearful and asked his father to “take this cup from me” but he was obedient and yielded his will to God’s. He was unfairly convicted, beaten, mocked, humiliated. But he forgave it all and still loved those who hurt him.

The grace Jesus showed in the days before his crucifixion makes most of the things we get upset about seem so petty. I want to react the opposite of the way I feel when I am offended. To love when I am hurt. To serve those around me and to be more concerned for their needs than mine. To turn the other cheek when I am betrayed. To look to God when I am afraid and lonely. He did it for me and my family, and for you and your family. I am so thankful for all the things that Jesus demonstrated and the love that he showed in this Holy Week!!

“During the meal Jesus said, “I tell you, one of you will betray me.” The disciples were very upset and began to ask him, one after the other, “Surely, Lord, you don't mean me?” ....Judas, the traitor, spoke up. “Surely, Teacher, you don't mean me?” he asked. Jesus answered, “So you say.” ....He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee. Grief and anguish came over him, and he said to them, “The sorrow in my heart is so great that it almost crushes me. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went a little farther on, threw himself face downwards on the ground, and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering from me! Yet not what I want, but what you want.” Then he returned to the three disciples and found them asleep; and he said to Peter, “How is it that you three were not able to keep watch with me even for one hour?” - Matthew‬ ‭26:21-22, 25, 37-40 GNB

“What, then, shall I do with Jesus called the Messiah?” Pilate asked them. “Crucify him!” they all answered. But Pilate asked, “What crime has he committed?” Then they started shouting at the top of their voices: “Crucify him!” When Pilate saw that it was no use to go on, but that a riot might break out, he took some water, washed his hands in front of the crowd, and said, “I am not responsible for the death of this man! This is your doing!” ....Then Pilate set Barabbas free for them; and after he had Jesus whipped, he handed him over to be crucified. Then Pilate's soldiers took Jesus into the governor's palace, and the whole company gathered round him. They stripped off his clothes and put a scarlet robe on him. Then they made a crown out of thorny branches and placed it on his head, and put a stick in his right-hand; then they knelt before him and mocked him. “Long live the King of the Jews!” they said. ....When they had finished mocking him, they took the robe off and put his own clothes back on him. Then they led him out to crucify him. ...:At noon the whole country was covered with darkness, which lasted for three hours. At about three o'clock Jesus cried out with a loud shout, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why did you abandon me?” ....Jesus again gave a loud cry and breathed his last.” - Matthew‬ ‭27:22-24, 26-29, 31, 45-46, 50‬ ‭GNB‬‬

April 19, 2019 - Week in review

This has been a good week! Some highlights...

1) My kitten/cat is growing up and biting less (win!). 🙂

2) I've had fun getting together with some precious friends - Ashley Lowe Simmons, Sarah Meier Toungett, MaCayla Rye, Kimberly D Rye, Kimberly Clark Brigance and Carrie Conklin (my friend AND my cousin!). I just wish I had taken more pictures!

3) Re-Engage, our marriage enrichment group, was so good. Thank you to our friends Larry and Susan Watt Word for sharing your story - you did an awesome job!

4) Tonight, Tony and I hosted early Easter dinner at our house with Mindy and Michael, Kelli and John, the grandkids, and Tony's parents and brother. Again - we didn't take enough pictures, but I love this picture with my girlies! It was a wonderful time but all of a sudden, I got so tired and had to go lay down before everyone left.

I don't like feeling weak. Fatigue is frustrating and unpredictable, and there are so many things I'd like to be doing! But God knows the plan, and I trust that HIs plans are good. 🙂 

I am thankful for gifts of salvation, healing and eternal life that were made possible because of Jesus' sacrifice for us! Sunday's coming!

Isaiah 53:5 -
"But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed." (NLT)

"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." -(KJV)

April 17, 2019 - Waiting

“ ...what does active waiting look like? I think it can take a variety of forms, but our most natural response to waiting should always be worship. This might look like singing, arms outstretched. This might look like praying, knees to the earth. This might look like serving, palms up, hands open. All of this is worship.

When we worship, we take our eyes off our problems and unfulfilled promises and set our hearts on God. Worship puts God’s power and sovereignty over our lives into proper perspective. When we worship, we experience His greatness, His authority and His might... we also experience His presence.

It’s in His presence that we find His comfort and realize we’re not alone in the midst of our wait. It’s there where we also discover gratitude. In the middle of a waiting season, it can be hard to give thanks when we’re focused on what’s yet to come. Yet, worship shifts our focus, giving us eyes to see God’s goodness and a heart that’s grateful for all He’s done and yet to do.

Want to wait well? Start by worshiping God with your words, your thoughts and your actions.” Lincoln Brewster, While I Wait devo excerpts

“The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.” Lamentations‬ ‭3:25‬ ‭NLT‬‬

April 14, 2019 - Things I didn’t Know until I was Diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer (BC)

Several people have asked me questions about my type cancer so I thought I would put a list of answers together. Any of my amazing oncology-knowledgeable friends are welcomed to add details. 🙂 I am thankful for you!!

1] Stage 4 BC and Metastastic BC are the same thing; it means that the cancer has metastasized or spread to other parts of the body.

2] Stage 4 BC is treated less aggressively than in stages 1-3. The goal in earlier stages is curative treatment. Stage 4 treatment is to reduce disease, alleviate pain and slow progression but there is no cure.

3] I will be on some kind of treatment for the rest of my life.

4] I am currently taking 2 pills daily and I get a monthly injection. This is my “first line” of treatment. The first line is usually the most effective, works the longest and has the least side effects.

5] At some point, this “first line” treatment will not work anymore and we will move to other treatments; that can include hormone therapy, infusion or oral chemotherapy, targeted therapy, or some combination of these. Local treatments such as surgery or radiation might also be used to help prevent or treat symptoms.

6] You can have neuropathy (nerve damage) anywhere you have nerves; it is not limited to hands and feet.

7] Life with Stage 4 BC isn’t nearly as scary or different as I would have expected. Many days, I feel pretty normal - more tired and achy than I used to, but I generally don’t feel sick.

8] I want to do all the “normal” things that I used to do, but sometimes fatigue or pain sneak up on me. So if I cancel plans at the last minute, it’s REALLY not you, it’s me. 🙂

9] I don’t want to waste a day. I want the people in my life to know that I love them and they are important to me.

10] Life is too short to spend it being mad.

11] I have no idea how this story will end or how long I will be here. But no one knows that so really, we are pretty much the same! Only God knows. And I trust Him and know that I’m in good hands.

“Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing. O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah‬ ‭40:26-31‬ ‭NLT‬‬

April 13, 2019 - Eye Surgery Memories

"Joy and laughter are the gifts of living in the presence of God and trusting that tomorrow is not worth worrying about." - Henri Nouwen

My post from 4 years ago today . 😴 It was a crazy time but I learned SO MUCH in those 12 days of being face down! I wouldn’t trade that time for anything and this picture makes me smile when I remember. God can use the things that we fear for good in our lives!

April 13, 2015 post:

The trip to the eye surgeon today confirmed what the doctors had seen happening last week - a "full thickness macular hole" which needs to be repaired. We still don't have a surgery date, but it is looking like it will be Friday. And I WILL be "face down" for a period of time afterwards. Initially they said it will be 5 days but that can change, depending on how things go with the gas bubble in my eye.

This surgery definitely has surprised us, and delayed the reconstruction surgery that was scheduled for April 20 (which was disappointing), but it is not a surprise to God. The fact that our lifeGROUP is studying how to fight back with joy is no accident. Tonight, we talked about how much God loves us - with a fierce, fierce love. And if that is the case, I believe with all my heart that this isn't some kind of punishment or random event, but that God is going to use this for good and teach us something that we wouldn't learn any other way. So thankful that He is in control of our days!

"I paid a huge price for you... That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you." (Isaiah 43:4 MSG)

April 12, 2019 - Choosing Joy

Tony and I are headed home after two days at Cancer Treatment Center. It was a good visit. They didn’t do scans, but blood work looked like what it looks like at this point in the chemo cycle - no surprises, which is a win! 🙂 Mainly we focused on cancer pain in my neck and head as well as side effects of the chemo med. They are scheduling a nerve block for my neck, and were surprised and pleased with how few pain meds I’m taking. I think those are all wins and I am so thankful for our team. 🙂

We were talking with the psychologist about dealing with cancer in general; he says I’m doing well and talked about the fact that “choosing joy” (he used the phrase positive attitude 😁) helps our immune systems fight cancer. I loved that and just wanted to share it. Thanks for your prayers for us! We are very, very blessed.

April 11, 2019 - The Kingdom

“The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work. Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us...

This is what we are about. We plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well...

We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.” - Oscar Romero

Kelli shared this with me several months ago and I loved it. The words are so challenging and comforting at the same time!! All I am responsible for is what God calls me to do, and He will handle the rest. :)

April 11, 2019 - Hope in the Dark

“Sometimes the reason we’re not getting answers to our questions is that we’re not willing to pause and wait long enough for God to reveal himself to us.

The writer of Psalm 46:10 quotes God: “Be still, and know that I am God.” Notice what God did NOT say: “Be busy, and know that I am God.”

He said, “Be still.” Be. Still. And listen.

How do you actually listen to God? You can open his Word and let his Spirit bring truth to life. God speaks through circumstances, if you pause long enough to reflect. He speaks through people, offering divine wisdom from heaven. And he can speak directly to you through his Spirit. When you belong to him, spend time with him, and quiet yourself before him, you will learn to recognize his voice.

Maybe you’ve been asking God for what you need. That’s perfectly reasonable; God wants us to reach out to him. But are you willing to listen to what he has to say to you, even if his answer isn’t what you want to hear? Keep listening. God will not abandon you in your time of need; he will tenaciously hold you close and carry you through your pain.” - Craig Groeschel, Hope in the Dark

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me.” John‬ ‭10:27-28‬ ‭NLT‬

April 9, 2019 - Our Hope Endures!

I have had this song on repeat for the past few days. It’s by Natalie Grant and the words (below) are amazing.

God has surrounded me with an army of women who live this out daily. If I started to name them all, the list would be long. And I would never want to embarrass anyone or tell someone’s story that isn’t mine to tell - but you inspire me every day by the way you live and it’s my prayer that you KNOW that and feel God’s arms around you today. You and so many others help me to remember that “Our Hope Endures”!!

“You would think only so much can go wrong

Calamity only strikes once

And you assume that this one has suffered her share

Life will be kinder from here

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years

Sometimes the sky rains night after night

When will it clear

But our hope endures the worst of conditions

It's more than our optimism

Let the earth quake

Our hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain

Our joy at a good man's wake

Walk a mile with a woman whose body is torn

With illness but she marches on

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years

Sometimes the sky rains night after night

When will it clear

But our hope endures the worst of conditions

It's more than our optimism

Let the earth quake

Our hope is unchanged

Emanuel, God is with us

El Shaddai, all sufficient

Emanuel, God is with us

El Shaddai, all sufficient

Emanuel, God is with us

El Shaddai, all sufficient

We never walk alone

This is our hope

Our hope endures, the worst of conditions

It's more than our optimism

Let the earth quake

Let the earth quake

Let the earth quake

Our hope is unchanged”

April 8, 2019 - Surrender, Freedom and Abiding

“Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, who we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.” Hebrews 3:1

“To fix our thoughts on Jesus is to close our eyes. To mark this moment by declaring our trust in God. To declare out loud to God, ‘Not my will but Yours be done.’ To stop fixating on the circumstances raging around us. To stop trying to make sense of things that make no sense in the middle of the journey. And to stop asking for the knowledge that’s too heavy for us to carry.” - Lysa TerKeurst

The other day, a friend of mine shared about three words - surrender, freedom and abiding. They all go so well together - when we surrender to God, we have a freedom that only comes from giving control to Him, and we can abide in that freedom.

The picture that I have is the relationship of a child and parent as God intended it. The child has a freedom that comes from “surrendering” to (submitting to the leadership and care of) the parent. The parent protects the child from harm, teaches the child and doesn’t burden the child with things that are too heavy for him to carry.

That is what God wants to do for us! He wants us to give up control and to trust Him.

I know without a doubt that is what He is asking me to do with my circumstances, but the same is true no matter what we are facing. We really can do that. Give the burden to Him and trade it for JOY. And this isn’t a one-time thing. It is an every day (or hour - or minute) process. It is how we abide in Him. Giving our worries to Him and trading them for His peace and joy.

April 7, 2019 - Thoughts on a sleepless night

On one of those nights when my brain can’t turn off. Some great thoughts. A powerful scripture. And one of my favorite pictures of my boyfriend and me. 🙂

”Admitting we are not God—not in control, not running anything, not responsible for everyone’s well-being, not the solution for everything and everyone, not at the center of all things—doesn’t belittle us; it frees us.” Louie Giglio

"I mean, that's life. Life is never predictable. Life is never really manageable. If your mindset is always, "I'm just surviving," it seems to me that would be your mindset for the rest of your life. You'd just get stuck in it. So I finally flipped the switch in my mind. I said, "I have to choose to THRIVE, even in the pain. Even when it's tough." - Joanna Gaines

"You do have a calling, a unique and wondrous calling from God every day of your life. Today it could be in your local laundromat, tomorrow it could be a phone conversation with a friend. Whatever it is, wherever it is, you were created to participate in God's divine activity." - Lysa TerKeurst

“Hoping doesn’t mean we ignore reality. No, hoping means we acknowledge reality in the very same breath that we acknowledge God’s sovereignty. Our hope can’t be tied to whether or not a circumstance or another person changes. Our hope must be tied to the unchanging promise of God. We hope for the good we know God will ultimately bring from our situation, whether the good turns out to match our desires or not. And sometimes that takes a while. The process will most likely require us to be persevering. Patient. Maybe even longsuffering.” - Lysa TerKeurst

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do.... Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:1-3, 23-24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

April 5, 2019 - God's Love For Us!

Heard this song today and can’t get it off my mind. 

I'm livin' in awe
'Cause You don't need me at all
But You couldn't love me more

I'm livin' in awe
And every day I fall
But You never let me go

“God, who needs nothing, loves into existence wholly superfluous creatures in order that He may love and perfect them." ~ C.S. Lewis

April 3, 2019 - Cancer

I read a post recently; it compares cancer to walking around with a gun to the back of your head. You can’t control it, you try to live like everything is “normal” but at any moment, the gun could go off.

That seems to fit a lot of situations we face in life. A child with a serious health issue. A marriage with an unresolved conflict. A financial issue that is about to explode. A secret that is hidden but will be revealed in time. All those things feel like a gun to the back of our heads, a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

This journey is a marathon - and I am a sprinter, not a marathoner. Almost nine months into the cancer marathon, I’m a little tired. I don’t know how this story will resolve - if I will be miraculously healed here on earth, if the dizziness I’m dealing with is just a side effect of my chemo pill or if it’s something more sinister, if I will be able to continue to handle this journey well or if I will start to fall. And Tony has to listen to lots of ups and downs with me! He is one tough guy - and I am so thankful for him!

I was at our church’s “First Wednesday” service tonight; my dizziness got the best of me and I needed to come home, but I listened to the service online and it was the Word I needed for this day.

Our pastor and friend, Patrick, spoke about worship. It’s so easy to lose focus when we are struggling with a life-altering situation. But when we do focus on Him and give our worship to Him, all of the worries and doubts fade away. And then my friend Treasa led the congregation in communion and had an awesome word about giving our worship to God.

Guns at the back of our head are nothing to fear! Our Creator has given us the tools to conquer every situation. He numbers our days, no one else!! But we HAVE to focus on Him, and give our worship to Him. When we do, the problems of this world truly do fade away.

“And as You speak, a hundred billion failures disappear

Where You lost Your life so I could find it here

If You left the grave behind You so will I

I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done

Every part designed in a work of art called love

If You gladly chose surrender so will I.”

“I bow before your holy Temple as I worship. I praise your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness; for your promises are backed by all the honor of your name.” Psalms‬ ‭138:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

April 1, 2019 - Choosing Joy - Really???

Life is so unpredictable! On Friday, I posted the attached quotes; about 3 hours later, I got really dizzy, and have been dealing with it since. I think it’s probably vertigo; I had issues with it at this time last year too.

I had all kinds of fun things planned for the weekend - it was PACKED - and instead, I’ve been at home since Friday. Washing my hair is similar to riding a roller coaster. I don’t feel sick - I just feel very dizzy. And it messed up my plans.

Times like this are the most difficult times for me to “choose joy.” We all have the times when we feel sorry for ourselves, when we don’t “feel like” choosing joy, when we feel like kicking the cat instead. You know it’s a rough day if I’m saying that! 🙂 And he is also being bad today so I do kind of want to kick him. 🙂

In my book of “fair”, dealing with cancer and getting shots in my eye (which is also blurry today) and Tucker’s upcoming heart cath is enough to deal with. I don’t need this stupid thing on top of it!!!

This is a great reminder that my emotions shouldn’t be in control; the circumstances don’t need to be in control. It’s not about life being unfair. 🙂 I have SO much to be thankful for, and that’s what I need to focus on; not the “unfair” list. God didn’t cause these issues but He knows where I am and He uses ALL things for good. He knows where you are too. I hope that is as much of a comfort to you as it is to me today.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter‬ ‭5:7-8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

March 29, 2019 - Choosing Joy

“I choose joy. I will invite God to be the God of my circumstances ….I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.” Max Lucado

“We can choose the tone for WHEREVER we are. The way you choose to be WHO you are - regardless of WHERE you are - can impact the atmosphere for everyone around you.” - Chrystal Evans Hurst

“We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God.” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"God does not further our spiritual life in spite of our circumstances, but in and by our circumstances." - Oswald Chambers

“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” — Psalm 16:11 (NIV)

March 27, 2019 - Easter

“Easter is right around the corner!”

Having been part of a ministry team for many years (both as a staff member and a volunteer), those words have a different meaning for us than for many people. We look forward to all the family Easter traditions - but they happen on a different timeline. Our Easter dinner typically happens the Monday after Easter.

Why?

Because Easter brings responsibility. So many people come to church on Easter; it may be the only time they come to church all year and we want to be ready to welcome them. It is ALL about the one who is coming to church for the first time; who is there because a family member has been bugging them; the one who decides to give church one more chance in the middle of struggle with life’s challenges; the lonely widow, the newly divorced person, the family who was just hit with devastating news.

We have the privilege of sharing good news with the hurting, of wrapping them in the warmth of Jesus’ love for them. After all, that is why He did what He did. He died to give us life and hope.

Some people might say “I don’t want to serve on an Easter team; it’s my family time.” I encourage you today to look at this from a different perspective; to remember what life was like when you needed to know that someone cared, and to commit to paying forward the love and compassion that Jesus showed for us.

Volunteer at your church this Easter - there is nothing more important. If you attend LF, just go to the app, look for “ALL IN”, find your campus and sign up to serve Easter weekend!

March 26, 2019 - Identifying with Christ

We cannot close our eyes to the reality of suffering, for it is the reality chosen by the one we name Lord and Christ. And the path He walks here is the one He bids us to follow. — Theodore W. Jennings Jr.

Do you ever dream of a God who gallops into the scene on His white stallion, takes care of all the bad guys, and then rides off into the eternal sunset with everybody in town saying, “Wow, who was that mysterious God?” ....It doesn’t appear to work that way. “Bad guys” come in many forms today, and bad guys bring suffering of many kinds. It might be physical, emotional, or even spiritual. And no, Jesus doesn’t scare them all away. Suffering was His reality; suffering is our reality.

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses… Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:14-16)

I think God may even allow suffering to gently move us toward Jesus so that we can identify with Him. That’s a deep thought, and it’s definitely worth thinking about as we celebrate Easter. Our suffering is a shared experience with Jesus—something that can bring deeper intimacy in our relationship with Him. He may not rescue us the way that we wish, but in His goodness, I believe He offers some things far more valuable. He invites us to “approach the throne of grace” and “receive mercy.” - Easter, The Reality of the Risen Christ

March 21, 2019 - Integrity

“Integrity is the only thing that doesn't depreciate over time. Nothing takes longer to build than a godly reputation. And nothing is destroyed more quickly by one stroke of sin. That's why it must be celebrated and protected above all else.” - Mark Batterson

We started re|engage last night - which was awesome! I’m helping Tony with coordinating re|engage, and I am more mellow these days than I used to be. But give me the “opening night” of something and I can become a little... let’s just say bossy. Short-tempered. 🙂 
And it’s generally felt most by the team I’m working with.

I thought I was keeping it together pretty well until someone said, “I’ve never seen you like this.” Oops!

In so many areas of life, we can think we’ve got the issue conquered and then we get “bumped” - someone doesn’t do what we think they should - and there is a regression in behavior. An old issue pops back up. And being stressed or short-tempered might not sound like an integrity issue to some; but if my behavior is contrary to demonstrating the fruit of the spirit in my life (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control), it is an integrity issue.

What perfect verses to read this morning:

“If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” 1 Corinthians‬ ‭10:12-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

My prayer is to look more like God in every situation. The temptation to do whatever - show stress, any integrity issue we have - can be endured and overcome as we lean into the one who created us. I am so thankful for that!!

March 20, 2019 - Stephanie

My friend, Stephanie McCausland Cole, recently shared some thoughts from the book, “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” and I can’t get them off my mind. Wanted to share them here. Thank you, Stephanie!!

There are so many friends going through a lot of things - this is great help for any of us as we navigate through life! If you’re struggling, this could be helpful!

How to deal with tough situations

Isaiah 41:10 

Jeremiah 29:11

Phil 4:12-13

1 Peter 6:1-9

Galatians 6:9

1. Acknowledge the pain

2. God has the big picture and He’s in control 

3. Be content - rest in Him 

4. Practice Joy - give thanks 

5. Pray - ask what God is doing and is trying to teach us 

6. Serve 

7. Journal - helps put things into perspective. Hindsight is better than we realize and a lot of times, looking back can be so helpful. 

8. Ask others for help. Don’t isolate yourself.

March 18, 2019 - Choosing Joy

"Difficult situations are no excuse for failing to perform the duties God puts in front of us. With opportunity comes choice; we can choose to sit back or to grasp the opportunity we have been given and draw from our faith and make a difference." - Dianna Benavides

I love this quote. As I read it today, that word “choice” once again stood out to me. Over the last few years, this journey has given me so many opportunities to meet and share stories with people who are going through challenges in life. Health, relationships, finances, jobs - we all face painful issues that distract and discourage us. And we have choices to make - whether those issues will defeat us or will be used by God to tell a bigger story.

I would never want anyone to think that I am saying “choose joy or you’re doing it all wrong”. The Bible tells us, “to everything there is a season.” There are times when all we can do is cry; when we need to process what is happening; when we are dealing with life or death; when we are mourning. My purpose is to share how we can deal on a daily basis with situations that are life-changing and which, at times, feel overwhelming.

For me, the last month or so has been difficult. From a cancer perspective, things are pretty stable. Side effects from medicine are more pronounced lately - low blood counts, ongoing throat problems, pain, extreme fatigue. Also - I’ve been dealing with the realization that this isn’t going away. That barring a miracle, I will be in some sort of treatment the rest of my life.

No matter what we face, we get to choose - joy or anger, faith or fear, staying the course or giving up. And I am finding more and more that it is a daily - sometimes hourly - choice. We don’t have to wait to see what the day brings. We can decide before we face the day, how we will handle it. Choosing joy is saying “God, I can’t change the circumstances but I can rely on you, the one who has numbered my days, and I will find the good in this day.”

“This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalms‬ ‭118:24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

March 16, 2019 - Offense

"Just because we feel offended doesn't mean we must be offended. It's a choice." - Lysa TerKeurst

March 15, 2019 - Peace

“Peace does not come when you finally have control over your life; peace comes when you no longer need control. You cannot control your circumstances, but you can control your character. You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control the choices you make. You cannot control the outcome, but you can control the process.” - Erwin McManus

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John‬ ‭14:27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

March 14, 2019

“Caleb tried to quiet the people as they stood before Moses. “Let’s go at once to take the land,” he said. “We can certainly conquer it!” But the other men who had explored the land with him disagreed. “We can’t go up against them! They are stronger than we are!” Numbers‬ ‭13:30-31‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Numbers 13/14 is a Bible story that clearly illustrates choosing truth over facts. The facts were as the 10 spies reported - big scary guys lived in the land. But Caleb and Joshua saw past what was in front of them to the truth - that giants are no problem for God.

The story is easy to read, and it's so easy to be critical of those around us who fear - but I can be just as up and down as the 10 spies. One minute I am confident in God’s plan, the next minute I am questioning the future.

The only way to maintain stability in our daily lives? To be anchored to the truth. To seek communion with God, the one who created us and who has numbered our days.  :)

March 10, 2019 - Struggling to find JOY

I’m hanging out at home. I’ve been dealing with a sore throat again and it is PAINFUL today. The oncologist is having me take an extra week’s break from the chemo pill to give blood counts time to recover; hopefully that plus new meds will help get rid of this stupid throat stuff.

I don’t know if it’s the weather or my throat or what - but I have been struggling to find joy the last few days. Nothing is wrong - I am so very thankful for our family and friends and the ability to rest and for our fun little kitten! But I think when the weather is gloomy (SO ready for the sun to stay!) and we don’t feel great, life can feel a little overwhelming to us all. I’m sure you can relate!!

In times like this, what a blessing to know that God hasn’t changed!! He’s not having a bad day. He is the same and He wants us to lean into Him for strength and comfort and joy.

That, my friends, is enough for me. 🙂

I hope everyone who is on spring break, has an awesome and restful time!!

“Let us, then, hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we have a great High Priest who has gone into the very presence of God — Jesus, the Son of God. Our High Priest is not one who cannot feel sympathy for our weaknesses. On the contrary, we have a High Priest who was tempted in every way that we are, but did not sin. Let us have confidence, then, and approach God's throne, where there is grace. There we will receive mercy and find grace to help us just when we need it.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:14-16‬ ‭GNB‬‬

March 6, 2019 - CTCA Report

Today was an up-and-down day! There was a fashion high; they had me put on a mask due to low bloodcounts. 😷 I wore it for as short a time as possible. And Tony wasn’t laughing AT me. He was laughing WITH me. 😂

We’d seen the scan details online; they had shown mixed results and I felt prepared going to see the oncologist. I was not expecting him to mention more radiation. But a few hours later, we were meeting with the radiation oncologist and reviewing scans of my skull.

Let me interject that I am very thankful for the speed with which appointments are set up - it was only about 5 hours of wondering “am I already doing radiation again?”

Thankfully, I’m not. After a discussion of pros and cons, we all agreed that it’s not needed at this point. I’m happy about that. I wasn’t happy seeing how close the cancer on my skull is to my brain. Like I said, an up and down day!

It was a sobering reminder that plans can change so quickly. That we are not in control of what cancer will do. But the truth is that God IS in control, even on the days when it is hard to remember. This battle is His, not ours. I am thankful to be able to rest in that truth.

Thank you for praying for us!!

“How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world.” Psalm 31:19 NLT

March 4, 2019 - Heading back to Atlanta

Tomorrow, we head back to Georgia. Lots of things this time around; MRI of my spine and brain (always scanning something!), visits with pain management, psychology and the oncologist and his team. I’ve absolutely experienced “scanxiety” when it’s time for scans in the past. Not this week. I think the longer we are dealing with this, the more I learn about the weapons available to combat fear. The big weapons?? Prayer and God’s Word. The more time I spend focusing on God’s perspective, and the less I focus on my perspective, the less I worry. I highly recommend it!  

“God wants us to choose celebration. He commands us to choose celebration. I know we all experience heartbreak and sorrow. I don't say this lightly. But ‘the joy of the lord is your strength.’ Choose joy in defiance of your suffering and lift up your trust as a song and an offering. This is the discipline of joy. This is the art of celebration.” - Rend Collective

“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!” Philippians‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” Psalms‬ ‭55:22‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know.” Proverbs‬ ‭3:5‬ ‭GNB‬

“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” John‬ ‭10:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Psalms‬ ‭139:7-10, 15-16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

March 3, 2019 - Joy For All Seasons

I have been reading the YouVersion devo, “Joy For All Seasons” by Carol McLeod, and I highly recommend it!! Today’s devo was so good. I posted part of it below and decided to include just a couple of my favorite memories (and there have been MANY) from the last few weeks. Such a great reminder for each of us to focus on all the good that is right in front of us, every day. 🙂

“I have been known to be guilty of believing, like Scarlett O’Hara, that tomorrow will be better. I often gaze yearningly into the fantasy of the future and then mistakenly dream about fictional days that will certainly be exponentially more wonderful than any real today could ever be.

The simple truth is this … today is the very best day of my life.... I am able to choose how much splendor I will wring out of today. Will I slog through uncommon moments and look dull-eyed at all that I have been given? Or will I embrace the ordinary miracles that rear their lovely heads in every waking moment? 

If my focus is fixed on the remote possibilities of tomorrow, I will never be captivated by the wonder of now!

Let’s look at life like this:

• Today I will splendidly spend time listening to others and not merely thinking about me.
• I will celebrate my current season of life and not long for different days and activities than the ones that have been delivered to my doorstep today.
• Today I will sing without regret and say “thank you!” loudly and often!
• I will make myself at home in the pleasure of today and find the fingerprint of God in every moment. I will listen for His heartbeat and for the song of life that comes from heaven.” - Carol McLeod, Joy For All Seasons, YouVersion devo 

“Do not boast about tomorrow for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” Proverbs 27:1

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.” Psalms‬ ‭118:1‬

March 2, 2019 - An Internal and Eternal Perspective :)

It’s been a great week - lots of fun things going on! It’s also been a little crazy health-wise. I’ve had more infections than usual recently, due I’m sure to lower blood counts. I had a virus this week that settled in my throat and totally took my voice away for a couple of days.

During the time I didn’t have a voice, I felt fine. I would forget I couldn’t talk until I’d answer the phone or try to have a conversation with someone - and then I would remember! I haven’t lost my voice much in my life, and it’s a strange thing because inside, I HAVEN’T lost my voice. I think “out loud” and sing out loud, and do all those things, inside my head. But when I try to express them to other people - nothing. It’s like there are two of me.
It’s brought home the truth that this outward body is not really who I am. The ETERNAL me? It’s internal as well as eternal. The REAL me, the permanent me, is not the outward/temporary shell that is affected by things like infections and cancer and blurry eyes. That is a huge comfort and blessing! It’s also a great reminder of where we need to make the most investment. The outward/temporary stuff is not going to be here forever - but inwardly, we are just getting started.

“So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG

February 27, 2019 - Inclusion

Anyone who spends any time around Tony Boyd and me, knows that we think it is VITALLY important to look for the people who may not feel comfortable in a room, and to help them feel at home. This has applied our whole married life, but absolutely does now as Tony is a campus pastor at a Life Fellowship campus. The "bad news" is that our church has a lot of people in it, so there's no way Tony and I can make everybody feel at home on our own. However, that is also the "good news." It takes an army to accomplish this - and I am thankful for so many people who "get it" and who look past their own comfort and take a chance on talking to someone they don't know. That doesn't come easily to a lot of people - but it is usually worth any "risk" you take!! When I read this today, just had to share it. Here are a couple of the most poignant quotes as well:

“Sometimes I feel like there is a group who maybe doesn’t really want me there. Sometimes I wonder why I wasn’t invited. Sometimes I walk up to a circle of people and I don’t know whether to force my way in, or be awkward hanging around on the outside, just twiddling my thumbs, kicking the dirt, talking to myself, waiting until I can leave and go home to the safety of my sofa.."

"You can’t be best friends with everyone. But you can notice everyone. You can make room for everyone. You can be kind and generous and thoughtful and sympathetic to everyone. You can smile to everyone. You can make eye contact with everyone. You can probably even offer a simple ‘hello’ to everyone."

"When you are out with a group, when you’re at a meeting, or an event, or a Bible study. When you’re at a kid’s soccer game, or a school function, or absolutely any public setting — lift up your unsuspecting head and look for the lonely. Chat with the new. Invite the introverts who will never invite themselves. Hug the hurting. Make room for more."

"We’re all guilty. We’ve all done it at some point. We’ve all been unaware, so there is no purpose in being mad, or angry, and there definitely isn’t any purpose in using it as an excuse to call people names, or tear someone down. Chances are, nobody is being mean. Nobody is being intentional. Chances are, they simply aren’t thinking, and we’ve all been guilty of not thinking before. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay. That doesn’t mean we should keep our blinders on."

"Make a U. Circles were made to be broken, but U’s were made to include everyone, to keep growing bigger and better and stronger. U’s were made for us all.”

February 25, 2019 - Hope

LONG POST ALERT

It seems like everything I read recently is related. Like God is taking me through a seminar on understanding more about being okay with things not going “according to plan.” I love it because so many things I am reading line up with what God has already put on my heart. 

Dealing with the “why” behind situations. Why does God allow pain, sickness, sadness? And the absolute bottom line - I am not struggling with this concept right now (although I do at times). I KNOW that God is good and is with me. But I just feel COMPELLED to share what I am learning because I think one of the purposes of this journey I am on, is to help people in my sphere of influence understand the goodness of God, in the middle of circumstances that feel overwhelming. To understand that the circumstances we are facing, are not about a God who is angry, or who is distracted from our situations, or who is punishing us, or anything like that!! And while I don’t know all the answers, I do know that in these most difficult times, I feel God’s presence with me in a way that I never have before. 

He truly has a plan for us that is for good, and is so much bigger than what we can control or accomplish in ourselves. If my purpose at this point in life is to help people understand that, and to lean INTO God rather than running away from Him, I can’t imagine anything I would rather do. 

Here is the first day of a great YouVersion devo I’m reading called “Hope When It Hurts”. I am praying that the words and more importantly, the scriptures, touch your heart as well!!

"Americans will do almost anything to appear strong, capable, and worthy of admiration. We exercise our bodies with intensity, climb the corporate ladder at the expense of integrity, and struggle to accept the help of other people. Our society works by the principle that the way up is the road to success and value.

When we transfer this into our Christian faith, here is what happens: We believe that comfort is a right that Christ would never remove, and that success indicates a godly Christian life. This sense of entitlement has therefore deeply impacted the way Christians interpret and respond to suffering.

Think about how we talk about and react to a trial. We try to avoid it. We complain about it. We think we don’t deserve it. We’re embarrassed by it. We commiserate with others about it. We believe that God is mad at us, or just plain angry.

We hate weakness and will do almost anything to escape it.

One big problem with this approach is that weakness is real. Behind our masks, everyone is weak. It’s inbuilt into our humanness in this world. We can’t run from it, and thankfully we don’t need to. What we need is a biblical understanding of the value of weakness (that’s a strange-sounding phrase!), and how suffering is the tool God uses to expose it (that’s another strange idea!).

Everything changes when we see weakness and suffering in the light of the gospel. For it is through human weakness that God’s strength upholds us and is displayed to the world.

Here is the Bible’s description of who a Christian is: “We [are those who] have this treasure in jars of clay.” What treasure? The glorious gospel: the work of Jesus Christ to save sinners by grace through faith. And what is clay? A brittle, easily broken substance. And that’s what I am. That’s what you are.

God has a purpose in placing such a treasure in such a jar. We are unfit, breakable, disposable vessels, and God has decided to use our weaknesses to display his power and love. A jar of clay might be cracked in a few places, making it unusable in the world’s eyes, but God sees these deficiencies as a means to pour out and reveal more of himself.”

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:7-9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

February 24, 2019 - Thoughts on Choosing Joy

One of my favorite phrases in life, and in the cancer journey, is “choose truth, not facts”. Facts are one thing, but the truth of God’s word is what really matters. 

Today I read this devo; I think that truth and hope are interchangeable, and happen to be very related to JOY. 😉

“Can hope and facts co-exist? Are they compatible or mutually exclusive? This is what I do know … facts don’t tell the end of my story. What I see with my natural eye may be the pretense. What I am unable to see with my eyes may be the solid stuff of life.

And so I hope. When my circumstances scream and demand … I choose the quiet whisper of hope.

When the facts of my life thunder and quake … I choose the sweet smile of hope.

We all choose. We choose hope or despair. Hope or discouragement. Hope or anything.

I don’t know what circumstances are shrieking at you today, but if you can choose to hope, you are choosing strength. And joy. And purpose.” - Joy For All Seasons, Carol McLeod (YouVersion devo)

“In panic I cried out, “I am cut off from the Lord!” But you heard my cry for mercy and answered my call for help.... So be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord!” Psalms‬ ‭31:22, 24‬ ‭NLT

February 23, 2019 - Cancer "Deep Thoughts"

Sometimes I think I should create a totally separate facebook page that deals with cancer "deep thoughts" - because I feel like I go back and forth from laughing with grandkids to thinking about things like this blog!!

But the truth is - this is exactly what my life is like! And I'm pretty sure it's what your life is like, as well. Within a couple of hours, we can celebrate and laugh. We dream of fun plans for the future - and we face the fact that we have very little control of outcomes. And that is okay.  🙂

When I read this post, I thought it would be so helpful to share with people who are trying to figure out what to say to someone with something like stage 4 cancer, or with any difficult situation. We try to say things that are comforting and encouraging, but it doesn't always turn out the way we plan. This blog may be surprising to some people - who would think that people with stage 4 cancer feel pressure to "beat" cancer? This is a great perspective.  🙂

"Uzma did not lose her battle with cancer. Her cancer died with her. But while they were both alive, it was a no contest. Uzma had her cancer beat every single day that she was alive." - Dheeraj Raina, Uzma's husband

February 22, 2019 - When To Keep Your Mouth Shut

Same thoughts - but better version to save and share!!  :)

When to Keep Your Mouth Shut

1. In the heat of anger. Proverbs 14:17

2. When you don’t have all the facts. Proverbs 18:13

3. When you haven’t verified the story. Deuteronomy 17:6

4. If your words will offend a weaker brother. 1 Corinthians 8:11

5. If your words will be a poor reflection of the Lord or your friends and family. 1 Peter 2:21-23

6. When you are tempted to joke about sin. Proverbs 14:9

7. When you would be ashamed of your words later. Proverbs 8:8

8. When you are tempted to make light of holy things. Ecclesiastes 5:2

9. If your words would convey a wrong impression. Proverbs 17:27

10. If the issue is none of your business. Proverbs 14:10

11. When you are tempted to tell an outright lie. Proverbs 4:24

12. If your words will damage someone’s reputation. Proverbs 16:27

13. If your words will destroy a friendship. Proverbs 25:28

14. When you are feeling critical. James 3:9

15. If you can’t speak without yelling. Proverbs 25:28

16. When it is time to listen. Proverbs 13:1

17. If you may have to eat your words later. Proverbs 18:21

18. If you have already said it more than one time (then it becomes nagging) Proverbs 19:13

19. When you are tempted to flatter a wicked person. Proverbs 24:24

20. When you are suppose to be working instead. Proverbs 14:23

February 20, 2019

“Life flies by, doesn’t it? Time roars by with apologies to no one... One of the dearest lessons of wringing the absolute joy and wonder out of life is the ability to maintain a thankful heart through every season. A lifestyle of thanksgiving has the miraculous power of turning trials into triumphs and morphing pain into purpose.

Tomorrow has not been promised to us … and today is the greatest gift that has ever been given... We are creatures of eternity, and so this life is not all that defines us, fulfills us, or renews us.” - Carol McLeod, YouVersion devo 

As I read this devo today, I was reminded of the importance of focusing on the blessings, and giving God the frustrations, of life. Trusting His plan - whether or not I agree or understand - gives me a freedom that is priceless. 

I had to post these pictures because of all the blessings in our life, this family that God has given us is so precious to me! I am so thankful for these people. 🙂

“Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” Psalms‬ ‭90:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

February 16, 2019 - A Hero

My definition of “hero”? 

Parents who are raising children with disabilities. I have seen firsthand the pain and loneliness of raising kids who aren’t “typical” - but I have also experienced the incredible blessing and fun of spending time with these same families. 

People who DON’T have children in their lives who aren’t “typical” in some way - if your child has kids in their world with a disability, or if you have family or friends who have kids with a disability, I would encourage you to spend time with them. You will learn so much, get an enhanced perspective of the world, and make some awesome friends in the process!!

https://themighty.com/2018/11/isolation-parent-kid-disability/?utm_source=engagement_bar&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=facebook_share&fbclid=IwAR2zJYRYJVIPKW65WW-2cjVnNwZNYBuR0zxVPIpny1jTZPpShqUPrSQzEz4