“God seldom works in the easy and comfortable.
Can He? Sure.
Does He? Sometimes.
But more often than not, the times that shape me, the times that make me more loving and more gracious, aren't usually what I look back on as "good times." Isn't that strange? I mean, sure we all want to be considered "gracious," but who wants to have to go through being wronged so that they actually have the opportunity to grow in grace?
So I'm left in a bit of a conundrum... I have a choice. I could do the easy thing. Do what I'd usually do in this situation. I could moan and whine, complain; or I can take a step back.
Take a deep breath. Do the impossible.
By His grace I can take the hard road that leads to life. I can think on the sovereignty and goodness of God. Think on His promise that He is able to work everything together into something beautiful. Yes, even seemingly meaningless inconveniences might just be the hand of God at work to grow patience, kindness and goodness in me.
We don't like to think that way though do we? I don't. It's hard. It's complicated to reconcile a God who works through pain. It's tough to trust in a Lord who allows suffering and inconvenience. It'd be a whole lot easier to mindlessly promise myself that Jesus always wants to make life easy, but I don't think that's how He works. If anything, Jesus uses dark colors when He paints. He's into streams in the desert and life out of death.
When we trust Christ, and the mysterious work on Calvary, we trust that He's always up to something good even in the darkest days. In fact, that's probably when He's up to the most good, because that's when the most good grows in me.
So if this is the path the Lord has brought me down, then I say, "Don't stop it Lord. Redemption was born on a far darker day than this one, so bring the chaos. Bring the madness. Do whatever you've got to do to recreate my heart." After all, it's me that needs to change, not my circumstances.” Excerpts from “The Struggle”, Tenth Avenue North, You Version Devo
“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.” Romans 8:18 NLT
Wednesday, May 6, 2020
July 28, 2019 - Perfect
I read this in the summer of 2014 - before cancer, eye problems, etc. It caught my attention then; and I love it today because it says exactly what I feel - as much as you can, live each moment with intention, relishing the time you spend with those you love!! 💕💕💕 The quote, along with some of my favorite pictures of the past few days.
“For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. Stop waiting. This is it! It's here, and you'd better decide to enjoy it or you're going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever." - Lev Grossman
“For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. Stop waiting. This is it! It's here, and you'd better decide to enjoy it or you're going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever." - Lev Grossman
July 27, 2019 - Health and Thoughts
I’m pretty sure I was on an adrenaline “high” during my cousin’s wedding - it was so fun having all our family here!! But it felt like adrenaline started to decline on Saturday, and totally disappeared by Sunday afternoon.
In addition to being tired, my ear was really hurting. So back to the ENT on Tuesday - the ruptured eardrum from a couple of weeks ago, which initially looked like a tear, had turned into a hole, complete with a middle/inner ear infection.. The pain is a combination ear/mouth pain. It hurts to chew and feels like my jaw is locking up at times. Fun!
It has definitely been a “How am I going to handle this?” week. I’ve been resting - but also having fun. Choosing joy. It is the comfort that helps get through the hard days. 🙂
This was in my memories today, written by a high school friend, and it is so timely! We so easily forget that THIS world is temporary!! I’m thankful that the frustrations and pains of this life will come to an end, and that our permanent home will have no sorrow, crying or pain. 🙂
"This is the only chance I will have to live by faith. Only for this lifetime will I endure hardship... This is the only time I will ever be old. I want to do “old” well. This is the only opportunity I will have to experience pain. I don’t want to waste the experience.
Hardship, pain, old... these are words for this world. Only in this existence am I called to walk by faith, not sight. Walking by faith is a passing privilege. It’s “passing”, because we know where this chapter ends - a personal audience with Jesus. I don’t know what the road will be like along the way, but I know where it leads: the presence of Jesus, where we discover that life has only just begun." - John Stumble
In addition to being tired, my ear was really hurting. So back to the ENT on Tuesday - the ruptured eardrum from a couple of weeks ago, which initially looked like a tear, had turned into a hole, complete with a middle/inner ear infection.. The pain is a combination ear/mouth pain. It hurts to chew and feels like my jaw is locking up at times. Fun!
It has definitely been a “How am I going to handle this?” week. I’ve been resting - but also having fun. Choosing joy. It is the comfort that helps get through the hard days. 🙂
This was in my memories today, written by a high school friend, and it is so timely! We so easily forget that THIS world is temporary!! I’m thankful that the frustrations and pains of this life will come to an end, and that our permanent home will have no sorrow, crying or pain. 🙂
"This is the only chance I will have to live by faith. Only for this lifetime will I endure hardship... This is the only time I will ever be old. I want to do “old” well. This is the only opportunity I will have to experience pain. I don’t want to waste the experience.
Hardship, pain, old... these are words for this world. Only in this existence am I called to walk by faith, not sight. Walking by faith is a passing privilege. It’s “passing”, because we know where this chapter ends - a personal audience with Jesus. I don’t know what the road will be like along the way, but I know where it leads: the presence of Jesus, where we discover that life has only just begun." - John Stumble
July 19, 2019 - Carrie & Steve
July 19th was such a special day!!
It started out with breakfast with my extended family. That is such a simple phrase - but our family is so spread out around (and outside of) the United States. Breakfast and time together doesn’t happen very often. I’m so thankful it did today!
Carrie - your wedding was amazing and I am so glad that God allowed us to be family. I can’t wait to see what the next chapter holds for you and Steve!!
I love you.
It started out with breakfast with my extended family. That is such a simple phrase - but our family is so spread out around (and outside of) the United States. Breakfast and time together doesn’t happen very often. I’m so thankful it did today!
Carrie - your wedding was amazing and I am so glad that God allowed us to be family. I can’t wait to see what the next chapter holds for you and Steve!!
I love you.
July 15, 2019 - One Year Ago
One year ago today, I was sitting in the second service on Sunday morning and all of a sudden I felt this ping pong ball-sized bump in my neck. The next day, I went to the oncologist, who ordered a CT. That happened the following day, and we left West Clinic with the knowledge that I had metastatic/stage 4 cancer. The year has had its ups and downs but this I know - God has very much been with us on this road, and friends and family make all the difference!! I can honestly say it’s been one of the best - and most special - years of my life. A diagnosis of stage 4 cancer makes you live with intention, and I am so thankful for all the fun days we’ve had this year. I am looking forward to so many more fun days with family and friends (it’s been so special having Kelli and John and the kids here this year!).
I wanted to share some special moments from the last year. 🙂
“Peace does not come when you finally have control over your life; peace comes when you no longer need control. You cannot control your circumstances, but you can control your character. You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control the choices you make. You cannot control the outcome, but you can control the process.” - Erwin McManus
“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27 NLT
“Let us, then, hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we have a great High Priest who has gone into the very presence of God — Jesus, the Son of God. Our High Priest is not one who cannot feel sympathy for our weaknesses. On the contrary, we have a High Priest who was tempted in every way that we are, but did not sin. Let us have confidence, then, and approach God's throne, where there is grace. There we will receive mercy and find grace to help us just when we need it.” Hebrews 4:14-16 GNB
July 14, 2019 - God's Control
Great food for thought!!
Excerpts from “God’s Control” by Chuck Swindoll
Honestly now, do you think God's control over us is total . . . or partial? Let's allow His Word to speak on this deep subject:
You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. (Psalm 139:5, 16)
Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker - an earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, "What are you doing?" (Isaiah 45:9)
There are more. Patiently, repeatedly, in a dozen different ways the Word makes the point. Accept it or not, God's calling the shots. He's running the show. Either He's in full control or He's off His throne. It's as foolish to say He's "almost sovereign" as it would be to say I'm "almost married" or Kennedy was "almost president" or the surgeon's gloves are "almost sterile."
If you're trying to grasp all the ramifications of this great truth - don't. You can't anyway. Feverishly toiling to unravel all the knots will result in endless hours of theological hairsplitting. The finite can never plumb the depths of the infinite - so don't waste your time trying.
It was a glorious day when I was liberated from the prison camp of fear - the fear of saying, "I don't understand the reasons why, but I accept God's hand in what has happened." It was a greater day when I realized that nobody expected me to have all the answers, least of all God! If I could figure it all out, I'd qualify as His adviser, and Scripture makes it clear He doesn't need my puny counsel. He wants my unreserved love, my unqualified devotion, my undaunted trust - not my unenlightened analysis of His ways.
One of the marks of spiritual maturity is the quiet confidence that God is in control, without the need to understand why He does what He does.
Excerpts from “God’s Control” by Chuck Swindoll
Honestly now, do you think God's control over us is total . . . or partial? Let's allow His Word to speak on this deep subject:
You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. (Psalm 139:5, 16)
Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker - an earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, "What are you doing?" (Isaiah 45:9)
There are more. Patiently, repeatedly, in a dozen different ways the Word makes the point. Accept it or not, God's calling the shots. He's running the show. Either He's in full control or He's off His throne. It's as foolish to say He's "almost sovereign" as it would be to say I'm "almost married" or Kennedy was "almost president" or the surgeon's gloves are "almost sterile."
If you're trying to grasp all the ramifications of this great truth - don't. You can't anyway. Feverishly toiling to unravel all the knots will result in endless hours of theological hairsplitting. The finite can never plumb the depths of the infinite - so don't waste your time trying.
It was a glorious day when I was liberated from the prison camp of fear - the fear of saying, "I don't understand the reasons why, but I accept God's hand in what has happened." It was a greater day when I realized that nobody expected me to have all the answers, least of all God! If I could figure it all out, I'd qualify as His adviser, and Scripture makes it clear He doesn't need my puny counsel. He wants my unreserved love, my unqualified devotion, my undaunted trust - not my unenlightened analysis of His ways.
One of the marks of spiritual maturity is the quiet confidence that God is in control, without the need to understand why He does what He does.
July 13, 2019 - Health Update / Changed Plans
What a week! We got home from CTCA in Atlanta on Wednesday and I went straight to an appointment with the GI doctor. He found an infection in the esophagus and intestines, so he prescribed an antibiotic. When I woke up early Friday morning, my ear was really hurting so I decided to put ear drops in it. Bad idea! My eardrum had ruptured and the pain was incredible because the drops went into my ear and down my throat. We headed to the ER because it hurt so much. I came home with antibiotic #2 for the ear infection and directions to rest and avoid loud noise for at least a week. I can't take the chemo pill when I'm on an antibiotic, so time to take a break from the chemo pill. The fun plans I'd had for Friday were all cancelled.
One of the most difficult things for me to deal with on this journey is how little control I have of the day-to-day things. I like them to go according to MY schedule. My plans didn't work out - but the changed plans give me time to rest. I don't like resting - it makes me feel lazy. But it is needed!
We can either fight the unexpected, or we can stop and see the good that will come from it. Today I am choosing to see the good. 🙂
Praying for all our friends who are struggling with changed plans - whether due to illness, job transitions, relational issues, addictions. God can bring good from every situation!
"God is good in the shadows. He is good in the sunshine. He is good. And as you walk through the darkest days, He is with you. He loves you.... Cling tightly to His Word, and let it set the pace for your life. Run to the One who created you, made you, and called you. Gather with the church and surround yourself with people who will speak life over you and encourage you to keep walking, to keep loving, to keep giving, and to not lose heart." Jennie Lusko
“But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 2 Chronicles 20:17 NLT
July 11, 2019 - Love
“Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.” Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare
July 3, 2019 - Marlene Langdon Conklin Jacobsen
24 years ago today my mom passed away from stage 4 breast cancer. I am so thankful for her love and her legacy. Because of the faith and grace she showed as she lived - and died, she taught us what it means to trust God’s goodness even when we don’t understand His plans. She loved her family and we were blessed to have her!!
“The greatest legacy one can pass on to one's children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one's life, but rather a legacy of character and faith.” - Billy Graham
“The greatest legacy one can pass on to one's children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one's life, but rather a legacy of character and faith.” - Billy Graham
July 1, 2019 - New Group - "I Give Up"
Hey local friends! Something has been on my mind for awhile but it didn’t seem like the time was right until now.
This fall, I am thinking about leading / co-leading a group for friends who are dealing with chronic or terminal situations. That includes all kinds things. Cancer, COPD, Diabetes, RA, vision issues, etc. It could include caregivers, spouses, high school or older friends as well, if they would like to be a part.
THIS WILL NOT BE A GROUP WHOSE MAIN FOCUS IS THE ILLNESS, but instead will focus on the importance of leaning into God on this road. To accept the journey - that doesn’t mean to give up, it means to ask God to walk with us and trusting His plan! 🙂
I’m thinking right now that there would not be childcare and would possibly meet on Monday nights, every other week.
The study that I’d like us to do is brand new. It’s written by Laura Story, and is called “I Give Up: The Secret Joy of a Surrendered Life.” There is a book available as well as a study guide, and the meetings would include a DVD session with Laura Story.
Let me know if you’d be interested. Depending on the interest, we’ll figure out a plan. Thanks so much!
This fall, I am thinking about leading / co-leading a group for friends who are dealing with chronic or terminal situations. That includes all kinds things. Cancer, COPD, Diabetes, RA, vision issues, etc. It could include caregivers, spouses, high school or older friends as well, if they would like to be a part.
THIS WILL NOT BE A GROUP WHOSE MAIN FOCUS IS THE ILLNESS, but instead will focus on the importance of leaning into God on this road. To accept the journey - that doesn’t mean to give up, it means to ask God to walk with us and trusting His plan! 🙂
I’m thinking right now that there would not be childcare and would possibly meet on Monday nights, every other week.
The study that I’d like us to do is brand new. It’s written by Laura Story, and is called “I Give Up: The Secret Joy of a Surrendered Life.” There is a book available as well as a study guide, and the meetings would include a DVD session with Laura Story.
Let me know if you’d be interested. Depending on the interest, we’ll figure out a plan. Thanks so much!
June 30, 2019 - Carla's Post about Tony's Message
Today’s message from Pastor Tony Boyd spoke to my heart so much! The message of his life that he spoke about today contained a lot of what I have been feeling for 30 years, when I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (T1D). I have just never been able to explain it this well. We’ve both asked God “Why?”: Tony – regarding his wife, Kathy's health; and me – regarding me and my Son, Chase's health. Why do we all have health conditions that will never end?
Then, Tony said so many things that spoke directly to me – some of which I have already resolved within myself, and some of which were resolved for me today during Tony’s message: “God, I accept this journey.” “I am in a deeper place of trust with Him.” “Will we continue to trust God when we don’t see what he’s doing in our lives right now?” “Listen to God.” “Read His word.” “Pray.” “Trust that He is good.” “Believe that He cares deeply for us.”
I do believe that God chose these paths for us for very special reasons. We may never know these reasons. We don’t NEED to know these reasons. But, these are His plan for us and His reasons are always for good!
Thank you Tony, for sharing this message!
#lifefellowshipchurch #messageofmylife #ilovethisplace #ilovethesepeople
Then, Tony said so many things that spoke directly to me – some of which I have already resolved within myself, and some of which were resolved for me today during Tony’s message: “God, I accept this journey.” “I am in a deeper place of trust with Him.” “Will we continue to trust God when we don’t see what he’s doing in our lives right now?” “Listen to God.” “Read His word.” “Pray.” “Trust that He is good.” “Believe that He cares deeply for us.”
I do believe that God chose these paths for us for very special reasons. We may never know these reasons. We don’t NEED to know these reasons. But, these are His plan for us and His reasons are always for good!
Thank you Tony, for sharing this message!
#lifefellowshipchurch #messageofmylife #ilovethisplace #ilovethesepeople
June 28, 2019 - Update and the 23rd Psalm
Almost a year since my stage 4 breast cancer diagnosis. What an incredible year it’s been!! Twelve months into the journey, this is how things look like from my perspective:
1. God is with us, covering, comforting and teaching us. There is a peace and calm in this season like I’ve never experienced before.
2. My husband, daughters and their families are the best gifts I’ve ever received this side of heaven. They make life so fun!
3. Medically, I have had progression in my lungs and skull, but my spine and ribs are stable. Other than extreme fatigue that will come out of nowhere, and pain (which is managed for the most part), I feel good and I am truly enjoying life. I am not having the side effects from my medicine that many people experience.
4. There is a freedom that is hard to explain - I truly don’t worry about or fear many things because I KNOW that God is right here to walk with me. That is probably the biggest surprise of all - the freedom from worry - but the most special blessing.
I used to stay away from the 23rd Psalm. It was reserved for funerals in my mind. But the words are so comforting to me! God is good, He can be trusted, and choosing joy is a posture, not a feeling. 🙂
“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalms 23:1-6 NLT
1. God is with us, covering, comforting and teaching us. There is a peace and calm in this season like I’ve never experienced before.
2. My husband, daughters and their families are the best gifts I’ve ever received this side of heaven. They make life so fun!
3. Medically, I have had progression in my lungs and skull, but my spine and ribs are stable. Other than extreme fatigue that will come out of nowhere, and pain (which is managed for the most part), I feel good and I am truly enjoying life. I am not having the side effects from my medicine that many people experience.
4. There is a freedom that is hard to explain - I truly don’t worry about or fear many things because I KNOW that God is right here to walk with me. That is probably the biggest surprise of all - the freedom from worry - but the most special blessing.
I used to stay away from the 23rd Psalm. It was reserved for funerals in my mind. But the words are so comforting to me! God is good, He can be trusted, and choosing joy is a posture, not a feeling. 🙂
“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalms 23:1-6 NLT
June 20, 2019 - Progress/Progression
The words are so similar - even synonyms of each other. Check out the definitions:
Progress (noun) - development toward a better, more complete, or more modern condition
Progression (noun) - the process of developing or moving gradually towards a more advanced state.
So similar but subtlety different. To me, progress is great; I’ve always associated it with reaching goals, with accomplishment. Progression is almost becoming a dreaded word. Progression with cancer, progression in side effects and frustrating symptoms. I’m tired!
But that’s life, and that’s okay. I can choose sadness and have a pity-party, or I can find the blessings and use the lessons on this journey to encourage others. Life can be very hard, no doubt. But difficulties are not a surprise to God and He uses our story and circumstances for good as we trust Him. Keeping that in mind makes all the difference. 🙂
I want to share another day of the “When God Says No” devo from You Version. What a powerful reminder at the perfect time!
Everything Is Meant For Good
It’s not true, you know. When they say God will never give you more than you can handle. If that’s true, it means I must be superhuman, able to balance stacks of breakable worries on the tips of my fingers. But I am just a person. And it’s hard when God says no.
As I thumb through the Scriptures, I read story after story of lives that matter. Very few of those lives are distinguished through ease. In 2 Corinthians 1, Paul writes, “We were completely overwhelmed-- beyond our strength-- so that we even despaired of life.”
So, the proof is there. God often gives us more than we can handle. But, He also promises the rarest of commodities: life and peace. And it is because of our Savior that even suffering has purpose. 2 Corinthians 1 also says, “He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
God says no, but I can breathe in peace and breathe out this new story. My story will touch someone, who will touch someone else, and so on for all time.
Progress (noun) - development toward a better, more complete, or more modern condition
Progression (noun) - the process of developing or moving gradually towards a more advanced state.
So similar but subtlety different. To me, progress is great; I’ve always associated it with reaching goals, with accomplishment. Progression is almost becoming a dreaded word. Progression with cancer, progression in side effects and frustrating symptoms. I’m tired!
But that’s life, and that’s okay. I can choose sadness and have a pity-party, or I can find the blessings and use the lessons on this journey to encourage others. Life can be very hard, no doubt. But difficulties are not a surprise to God and He uses our story and circumstances for good as we trust Him. Keeping that in mind makes all the difference. 🙂
I want to share another day of the “When God Says No” devo from You Version. What a powerful reminder at the perfect time!
Everything Is Meant For Good
It’s not true, you know. When they say God will never give you more than you can handle. If that’s true, it means I must be superhuman, able to balance stacks of breakable worries on the tips of my fingers. But I am just a person. And it’s hard when God says no.
As I thumb through the Scriptures, I read story after story of lives that matter. Very few of those lives are distinguished through ease. In 2 Corinthians 1, Paul writes, “We were completely overwhelmed-- beyond our strength-- so that we even despaired of life.”
So, the proof is there. God often gives us more than we can handle. But, He also promises the rarest of commodities: life and peace. And it is because of our Savior that even suffering has purpose. 2 Corinthians 1 also says, “He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
God says no, but I can breathe in peace and breathe out this new story. My story will touch someone, who will touch someone else, and so on for all time.
“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NLT
June 19, 2019 - Happy Birthday, Clara
Happy Birthday, CJ!! Our first grand baby turned 12 today!
I can’t believe you’re so grown up. You are willing to stand up for the things that are important to you, and you are an excellent negotiator. Especially when pets are involved!!
We are so glad to have you home this year. We’re proud of you and can’t wait to see what God has planned for you. We love you so very much!!
I can’t believe you’re so grown up. You are willing to stand up for the things that are important to you, and you are an excellent negotiator. Especially when pets are involved!!
We are so glad to have you home this year. We’re proud of you and can’t wait to see what God has planned for you. We love you so very much!!
June 19, 2019 - "When God Says No"
“I’ve been there. I’ve cried out with my face to the floor, begging God to give me the miracle.
And then. And then. And then. The “no” hit me with the breaking force of a hurricane, and there I was. Stranded on a path I didn’t recognize, headed down a road I didn’t ask to travel.
But, I believe the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I believe Paul when he writes that “affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope.”
So, I get up. I shake my frozen legs. And with the power that comes from Christ alone, I take an aching step forward down this strange path. The farther I walk, the easier it becomes because my muscles grow stronger than I knew they could. At times, I still have to dig in and scale the mountainside, but the view from where I stand is lovelier now than it ever was on the easy path.” - When God Says No, You Version
“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”
And then. And then. And then. The “no” hit me with the breaking force of a hurricane, and there I was. Stranded on a path I didn’t recognize, headed down a road I didn’t ask to travel.
But, I believe the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I believe Paul when he writes that “affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope.”
So, I get up. I shake my frozen legs. And with the power that comes from Christ alone, I take an aching step forward down this strange path. The farther I walk, the easier it becomes because my muscles grow stronger than I knew they could. At times, I still have to dig in and scale the mountainside, but the view from where I stand is lovelier now than it ever was on the easy path.” - When God Says No, You Version
“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”
Romans 5:3-5 NLT
June 17, 2019 - Promises
When I feel worried or afraid, I have found that the best thing to do is to remind myself of all that God has promised. There is such power in these words!! Some of my very favorite promises. 🙂
“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians 3:16-19 NLT
“The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:14 NLT
“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you... Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6, 8 NLT
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 NLT
“But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:1-2 NLT
“For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.” Isaiah 54:10 NLT
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 NLT
“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NLT
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.” Psalms 37:4-5 NLT
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 NLT
“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians 3:16-19 NLT
“The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:14 NLT
“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you... Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6, 8 NLT
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 NLT
“But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:1-2 NLT
“For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.” Isaiah 54:10 NLT
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 NLT
“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NLT
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.” Psalms 37:4-5 NLT
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 NLT
June 16, 2019 - My Favorite Dads
Happy Father’s Day to my five favorite dads!!
Tony’s dad, Don Boyd, raised such a great son! Tony is a wonderful husband and father, and a lot of that is due to his dad’s influence. Don has always been there for his family and we are thankful for him!
To my dad, Dean Conklin, who isn’t on FB much anymore - I know it’s not fun moving at a slower pace these days, but I’m thankful for the opportunity it gives us to spend time talking. I told you this last night, but thank you for ending every call with “I love you, I’m so proud of you, and you’re the bravest girl I know.” That means more than I can express, and I love you.
To John Adam Williford and Michael Baier - thank you for loving your wives and your children so well! Both of you are the perfect combination of love and leadership, and there is no one who could better complete our family than you guys. I’m so thankful for you and I love you!
To Tony Boyd - there aren’t enough words in the world to express how thankful I am that God chose you for me, and me for you. Your humor and love were exactly what a sad little 19-year-old girl needed, and I am so grateful for each year with you! There have been hills and valleys but I wouldn’t trade a minute because it has brought us to this point. You are still the perfect combination of love and humor, with so much wisdom and compassion. I am SO thankful for the privilege of being your wife, for our wonderful family and friends, for incredible memories and for an exciting future ahead as we continue to choose joy. I would not be who I am without you. Thank you for loving and leading our family so well. I love you!!
Tony’s dad, Don Boyd, raised such a great son! Tony is a wonderful husband and father, and a lot of that is due to his dad’s influence. Don has always been there for his family and we are thankful for him!
To my dad, Dean Conklin, who isn’t on FB much anymore - I know it’s not fun moving at a slower pace these days, but I’m thankful for the opportunity it gives us to spend time talking. I told you this last night, but thank you for ending every call with “I love you, I’m so proud of you, and you’re the bravest girl I know.” That means more than I can express, and I love you.
To John Adam Williford and Michael Baier - thank you for loving your wives and your children so well! Both of you are the perfect combination of love and leadership, and there is no one who could better complete our family than you guys. I’m so thankful for you and I love you!
To Tony Boyd - there aren’t enough words in the world to express how thankful I am that God chose you for me, and me for you. Your humor and love were exactly what a sad little 19-year-old girl needed, and I am so grateful for each year with you! There have been hills and valleys but I wouldn’t trade a minute because it has brought us to this point. You are still the perfect combination of love and humor, with so much wisdom and compassion. I am SO thankful for the privilege of being your wife, for our wonderful family and friends, for incredible memories and for an exciting future ahead as we continue to choose joy. I would not be who I am without you. Thank you for loving and leading our family so well. I love you!!
💙❤️
💙❤️💙❤️
💙❤️❤️💙❤️
💙❤️💙❤️
💙❤️❤️💙❤️
June 13, 2019 - Health Update
The last few weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster!
After continuously having pain since February, I am feeling so good! It’s amazing how much easier it is to cope with things. To all of my friends who are in pain / deal with chronic pain, my heart goes out to you! I don’t know how long this pain-free season will continue but I am enjoying every minute. 🙂
I shared last week that we had mixed news in the pet scan. I have had stabilization of cancer in most of my bones as well as several lymph nodes. But I have growth in the number and size of tumors in my lungs as well as in lymph nodes around my lungs. The plan is to stay on the meds I've been taking through the current cycle of the chemo med (I am on day 5 of 21) and to review / decide if a change needs to be made. That is sobering - but as we discussed the scan last week, a member of the care team said “you don’t look, physically or clinically, like what the pet scan is showing.” My oxygen levels are normal and my lungs sound clear. That is God’s hand of protection and we are so thankful!
After continuously having pain since February, I am feeling so good! It’s amazing how much easier it is to cope with things. To all of my friends who are in pain / deal with chronic pain, my heart goes out to you! I don’t know how long this pain-free season will continue but I am enjoying every minute. 🙂
I shared last week that we had mixed news in the pet scan. I have had stabilization of cancer in most of my bones as well as several lymph nodes. But I have growth in the number and size of tumors in my lungs as well as in lymph nodes around my lungs. The plan is to stay on the meds I've been taking through the current cycle of the chemo med (I am on day 5 of 21) and to review / decide if a change needs to be made. That is sobering - but as we discussed the scan last week, a member of the care team said “you don’t look, physically or clinically, like what the pet scan is showing.” My oxygen levels are normal and my lungs sound clear. That is God’s hand of protection and we are so thankful!
Good news and not so good news - that’s the cycle of life. Mountains and valleys, storms and smooth sailing. Almost 11 months since the metastatic cancer diagnosis, I know that only God has numbered my days and His plans are for good. As we lean into Him, fear is gone and joy is all around us. 🙂
We are enjoying life. One day this week, the girls and their kids and I all went to the pool. The kids are so independent and really enjoy hanging out. I’m so thankful for these beautiful summer days and time together!!
Thank you for praying for us - we can feel the prayers. 🙂
“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. The Lord has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge.” Psalm 94:18-19, 22 NIV
June 12, 2019 - 10 Common Myths About MBC
Education post! An interesting article about metastatic breast cancer myths.
10 Common Myths About Metastatic Breast Cancer - Lynne Eldridge, MD
Myths about metastatic breast cancer abound. Not only does this result in people having an inaccurate understanding of the disease, but it can be very frustrating when friends and family members believe these untruths.
Living with metastatic breast cancer is difficult enough without these fallacies. When most people think about breast cancer they are not thinking about metastatic breast cancer. Instead, they often think of breast cancer as a tumor that goes away—especially if it has been many years since you were first diagnosed. Most people are unaware that for around 30 percent of women with early-stage breast cancers, the cancer will someday come back and become metastatic.
Living with metastatic breast cancer is difficult enough without these fallacies. When most people think about breast cancer they are not thinking about metastatic breast cancer. Instead, they often think of breast cancer as a tumor that goes away—especially if it has been many years since you were first diagnosed. Most people are unaware that for around 30 percent of women with early-stage breast cancers, the cancer will someday come back and become metastatic.
Thankfully, there are many people and breast cancer organizations working to dispel these myths and raise awareness about metastatic breast cancer.
THE MYTHS
1. Breast Cancer Comes Back Because You Didn’t Get the Right Treatment
Unfortunately, one study found that half of the people questioned believed breast cancer recurred because people did not get the right treatment or because they didn’t take care of themselves.
The truth is that we don’t know why breast cancer sometimes comes back, and we can’t really predict when it will. Some people take wonderful care of their bodies and receive every treatment possible, yet their cancer recurs. Others do not take care of their bodies but never have a recurrence. What we do know is that roughly 20 or 30 percent of people who face early stage breast cancer will have a recurrence of their disease at some time.
2. There Is a Cure for Metastatic Breast Cancer But Doctors Don’t Tell You About It
This myth is usually announced in a less obvious way, though if you read enough online you might start to believe that the only people who are unaware of the cures for breast cancer are oncologists. It is simply not true that there are miracle cures out there that oncologists are ignoring. If there were, wouldn’t they be recommending these cures for their own family members diagnosed with breast cancer?
Once you’re diagnosed with breast cancer you’re likely to have many well-meaning friends share the latest miracle herb or potion.
Unfortunately, the baby has been thrown out with the bathwater due to some of these claims. There are some treatments that can help women and men cope with the side effects of cancer treatments. Yet there have not been any alternative treatments that have been found to work as well or better than the conventional treatments we now have.
Unfortunately, the baby has been thrown out with the bathwater due to some of these claims. There are some treatments that can help women and men cope with the side effects of cancer treatments. Yet there have not been any alternative treatments that have been found to work as well or better than the conventional treatments we now have.
It is important to note, as well, that some nutritional supplements can actually interfere with cancer treatments. One way to let your well-meaning loved ones know why the latest supplement might not be a good idea is to consider how some cancer treatments work. For example, radiation therapy works to eliminate tumor cells by causing oxidative damage to these cells. If you choose to load up on massive doses of antioxidants, you could be effectively “protecting” your cancer cells from the damage the treatment is meant to cause.
3. Vitamin D Helps Breast Cancer Patients
As a caveat to the last statement, we are learning that people with breast cancer who have a vitamin D deficiency may not do as well with treatment. In fact, low vitamin D levels are being looked at as a factor in everything from cancer to multiple sclerosis.
That said, it’s easy to know if your vitamin D levels are normal or not with a simple blood test, and if your oncologist hasn’t ordered this, request that it be done. Knowing your levels, your oncologist can suggest ways for you to raise your level to the optimal level for people with cancer.
Don’t go about this alone. Large doses of vitamin D, though they may not interfere with your cancer treatment, can lead to painful kidney stones. Always talk to your doctor about anything you take, even over-the-counter and herbal medications.
4. Metastatic Breast Cancer Is Curable
Before addressing this myth it’s important to point out that though not curable, metastatic breast cancer is treatable, and there are more treatment options available every year.
The reason we bring this up is that in one study it was found that 50 percent of people believe that metastatic breast cancer is curable. This misconception can lead to painful comments spoken to those with metastatic breast cancer.
For example, people with metastatic breast cancer are often asked when they will be done with treatment. Since metastatic breast cancer requires treatment to control the disease for the rest of your life (though breaks may be possible) this is a painful question for those with metastatic breast cancer to answer.
For example, people with metastatic breast cancer are often asked when they will be done with treatment. Since metastatic breast cancer requires treatment to control the disease for the rest of your life (though breaks may be possible) this is a painful question for those with metastatic breast cancer to answer.
Talking about a lack of cure does not mean that, at times, someone with will be cancer free for a time. For some people, treatments will reduce a breast cancer to the point at which it cannot be found on imaging studies or laboratory studies. Yet the word cure is not used. Instead, oncologists use the term NED, which stands for “no evidence of disease” and treatment continues to keep people at this level.
5. Once Breast Cancer Comes Back, There’s Not Much You Can Do
Though metastatic breast cancer isn’t curable, it is very treatable, and there are many different types of treatment options available.
6. You Must Have the “Breast Cancer Gene” in Your Family
With the talk about the “breast cancer genes” following Angelina Jolie’s preventive mastectomies, you would think that most breast cancers are caused by faulty genes. Yet only five to ten percent of breast cancers are considered to be hereditary breast cancers.
7. If Breast Cancer Doesn’t Come Back for 5 Years, You’re Cured
The myth that after five years a person is safe from breast cancer recurrence is prevalent but wrong. In fact, for some women with estrogen receptor positive breast cancers, a cancer may be more likely to come back between the 5th and 10th year than in the first five years.
8. Doctors Should Be Really Aggressive in Treating Metastatic Breast Cancer
For those who have been through breast cancer and had a recurrence, the approach taken with metastatic cancer may be a little unnerving at first. Whereas the goal of treatment with early-stage breast cancer is an attempt to cure the cancer (which sometimes means pulling out the “big guns”) the goal of treatment with metastatic breast cancer is different.
In general, treatments used for metastatic breast cancer emphasize controlling the cancer with as few drugs as possible and using further drugs sequentially when a treatment becomes ineffective.
9. Only Women Develop Metastatic Breast Cancer
While pink is the word with breast cancer, the disease is not isolated to women. Though much less common in men and accounting for only around one percent of breast cancers, men do develop the disease. In addition, the disease tends to be in more advanced stages of the disease when found in men.
10. It’s Better to Have Metastatic Breast Cancer Than Other Cancers
Many women and men with metastatic breast cancer, unfortunately, hear these comments: “It could be worse. You could have (fill in the blank) cancer.” Or instead, “Aren’t you glad you have breast cancer where so much research has been done?”
Certainly, the pink ribbon movement has done wondrous things for many people with breast cancer. Yet in the midst of the pink ribbons, people with metastatic breast cancer can feel even more alone.
Certainly, the pink ribbon movement has done wondrous things for many people with breast cancer. Yet in the midst of the pink ribbons, people with metastatic breast cancer can feel even more alone.
The public perception of early-stage breast cancer is a far cry from the reality of metastatic breast cancer. Rather, just as it can more lonely to be alone in a crowd than alone by yourself, living with metastatic breast cancer can lead to a sense of isolation.
The truth is that any type of cancer of any stage is difficult, and those living with any cancer need the love and care of family and friends.
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