August 30, 2019 - Seasons

It’s been a busy, and an overwhelming, season. Too many friends and even family diagnosed with cancer in the last few weeks. The launch of the three WONDERFUL lifeGROUPs that I’m a part of - all within 4 days of each other. What seems like unending medical stuff, outside of cancer. I had my 45th eye injection yesterday, in addition to news that I now have fluid both IN and BEHIND the retina.

And then there’s that cancer!! 

Two trips to CTCA are coming up. I just checked the patient portal and there are 21 appointments scheduled within the next 2 weeks. I’ve got several scans, blood work, and visits with each member of our care team, in addition to the discussion with the oncologist regarding what’s next in treatment. 

In seasons like this, joy is so important to me. When I read this devo tonight, I wanted to share it because it explains, so much better than my tired mind can, a joy that defies cliches. That is what I find joy to be! It is a discipline and a posture as we navigate this road. I’m thankful for the book of Philippians, that gives a roadmap for how to walk through difficult times with joy and peace. 💕

JOY THAT DEFIES CLICHÉS

This verse is everywhere! Plastered across everything from bumper stickers to bracelets to t-shirts and framed art you can find these words:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

This verse is incredibly popular. The trouble is, it is often taken out of context. Too often, these words are co-opted into a spiritual form of the American dream, upholding our ambitions for prosperity and personal success as if to say, “Through Christ, I can get that raise, buy that car, or afford the larger house!”

But this isn’t at all what Paul was saying. In order to understand it, this verse needs to be read within the broader chapter and letter, starting with the verses preceding it.

In verse 12, Paul offers a summary of all that he has endured throughout his life and ministry: “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound… I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need” (v. 12). Paul has seen it all. He has experienced poverty and prosperity, gain and loss. Through it all his joy has persevered, unaffected by his circumstances. How? Because of Christ: “I can do all these things through him who strengthens me.”

In short, Paul isn’t talking about personal prosperity through Christ. He is talking about being content in Christ. He can endure any hardship and still rejoice because it is Christ alone who strengthens him. 

Plain and simple, Philippians 4:13 is about being content, no matter our circumstances. 

All of this gets to the heart of Philippians and this “joy” which Paul can’t stop talking about. His joy is not shiny or cliché. It’s not simple and easy and detached from what’s actually happening in the world. Paul wasn’t skipping around with a smile painted on his face. 

Instead, his joy was an act of willful defiance. 

This is exactly why Paul repeats the refrain again and again: “rejoice!” Paul isn’t gushing here. He isn’t tap-dancing over his pain. Instead, he is making a choice. He is practicing the habit of joy which has shaped him into the man he has become. For Paul, and for us, joy is a discipline. It’s something we commit to—whether we feel like it or not— and over time our souls are transformed. 

That’s why Philippians is such an important contribution to how we think about joy. It banishes all the clichés. Here is a man who is honest about his suffering and betrayal, which means we can be too. Grief does not lessen or dull the hope we have in Christ. The paradox of our faith is that we can hold sorrow and joy together in the same hands, even in the same moment. One doesn’t cancel out the other.

And let me tell you, the world needs this kind of joy. Fake joy isn’t cutting it, and neither is shallow joy. If we clamor after all the same things as the rest of the world, we aren’t any different than anyone else. Our joy is based on all the same things.

But true Christian joy—the “foolish” illogical kind—is the kind of joy that endures no matter what comes. This is the kind we’re promised in Christ. This defiant joy is complicated and messy and it isn’t built in a day, but it is the gritty joy our world is craving.” - Defiant Joy, Sharon Huddle Miller 

“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

August 21, 2019 - Pain and Defiant Joy

We sometimes think that any difficulty we experience, surely can’t be God’s will for us. And the truth is that God is all-powerful and can miraculously change our situation, taking away pain. But Paul’s story makes it clear that God sometimes takes us THROUGH the difficulty, using it to impact is, and the people around us, for good. 

Watching family and friends “live this out” has profoundly affected my life. It’s taught me to lean into our Heavenly Father, rather than pushing Him away, when we’ve faced difficulties. 

“Paul refused to let his pain go in vain. Anyone else would have seen prison as an obstacle, but he saw it as an opportunity. I once heard it said that our suffering can be purposeful, or purposeless. This is the strange joy we can have in suffering, that God can work redemption - even beautiful redemption - through any hard thing. It’s not a shallow, fleeting happiness but a deep, abiding joy anchored in God’s love. It is always available to us and for that we can rejoice.” - Defiant Joy, Shannon Miller 

“Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ.... Stand united, singular in vision, contending for people’s trust in the Message, the good news, not flinching or dodging in the slightest before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they’re up against: defeat for them, victory for you—and both because of God. There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.” Philippians‬ ‭1:27-30‬ ‭MSG‬‬

August 20, 2019 - Getting Serious

The last couple of weeks have been busy and a little surreal. When we had our last oncology visit, we had a more-serious-than-normal discussion. I’ll have scans again when we go back in September, but given rising tumor markers and the previous scans, our oncologist believes that cancer has outsmarted the current treatment plan and it’s time to make a change. The words “infusion chemo” were mentioned. If I did have infusion chemo, the type may not be as strong, or have the same side effects, as I had in 2014 - hair loss, etc. But still there are lots of things to consider. My directions from the team were to get any medical/dental issues taken care of before I go back, if possible, so that’s what I’ve been doing. I was sad to hear that the current medicine is failing because even though I’ve had some infections while on it, I have felt good and we’ve had so much fun this year!

The detail above is provided for one reason: God is so very gracious in this crazy season!

Getting unexpected, or unwanted, news can be stressful! We all can relate to upsetting, not-expected news. And while I have had a couple of meltdowns since I’ve been home, something profound has taken over in the last week. A feeling of peace - a peace that passes understanding. I’m reading “I Give Up: The Secret Joy of a Surrendered Life” and I think I understand now why God drew me to it. The book focuses on giving up control (or more accurately, realizing- AGAIN!) - that we never WERE in control) of the situations we face, and choosing instead to trust in the One who controls every minute detail of our lives. 

I am honestly having fun right now. I LOVE lifeGROUPS season; given the potential change in medicine (whether infusion or otherwise), it's time to hand off responsibilities to the leaders around me who can take care of the details that I can’t deal with right now. This is so awesome - so much better than trying to cope on my own! Thank you to my incredible lifeGROUP/re-engage/everyday friends for that. 

This isn’t a season to google details about chemo meds, blood counts, etc. It’s a season to relish every minute - to enjoy laughing and talking with family, friends, my cat. 🙂 And the reason it’s possible to do that is found in these verses. They’re some of my very favorites - I post them over and over again - but I have never comprehended so completely, or trusted, these words more:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in EVERY situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)

I KNOW what it means to experience that peace of God, guarding my heart and mind, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. A peace that passes understanding. Making my requests known to Him with prayer and thanksgiving, and then resting - knowing that He knows the future and He can be trusted!  :)

August 10, 2019 - The Empty Spaces

“The empty spaces between where we are and what’s next often terrify us, yet every single letting go requires moments of uncertainty where we seem suspended between what was and what isn’t yet. During these times we don’t feel like we’re holding on to anything solid at all... - Laura Story 

We’re home - and we had so much fun on our trip. Our anniversary dinner was at the perfect place, a restaurant called The Cellar in Newnan, and it couldn’t have been any better! Thank you for all your Anniversary well-wishes! 

I am continuing to read the book by Laura Story, and God is using it to work in my spirit! Being in Georgia again, one year after our first visit, brought back so many emotions and memories. On one hand, I feel like we are so much stronger than we were last year; our faith has grown immensely during this journey. On the other hand, sometimes it feels like we live month to month, and I’ve really not adjusted to not knowing what’s next! But in fact - we are ALL face unknowns - we just forget that and think we’ve got it all under control! 💕

This is what I do know. God’s Word provides guidance and comfort. And God has blessed with family and friends who help us on this walk - with laughter, tears, company, a shoulder to lean on, or fun diversions to help us enjoy each day. God is with us and He sees what’s ahead, whether we can see the next step or not. There’s comfort in that!

“I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!” Psalms‬ ‭121:1-2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

August 8, 2019 - Trials

“I no longer believe the myth that trials are a curse. Trials are an opportunity. They are an invitation to do good works to glorify our Father in heaven, to transform our lives from the inside out, and to drive us into the arms and footsteps of Jesus.” - Laura Story

I read this and know that its true - but sometimes, trials are just hard. We get tired of dealing with trials on top of trials, the next trial when we're not finished with the last one!

I'm so glad that God's okay with our fear and frustration! That He is walking with us through the trials, offering comfort and peace in the fire. We are not alone!

“But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 2 Chronicles‬ ‭20:17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

August 6, 2019 - Praying

I’m feeling good and we are enjoying life! At the same time, we are dealing with several “unknowns” right now. Not one. Several. Unknowns. Medically as well as in daily life. Things that I would like to know the answers to, how they will all work out. I’m sure you can relate!

Something so good has been happening in the midst of the unknowns. God has been dealing with me about the difference between planning versus fretting and worrying. He has a lot to say about the subject in these familiar verses. 🙂

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This is the formula. God tells us to pray - to tell Him what we need and to thank Him (in advance) for all He has done. Notice what happens next. The verse doesn’t say that God will answer prayers according to our will and we will have all our unknowns resolved. It says that we will experience His peace. Even if we don’t have all the answers. He knows what we need most. And we need to understand the blessing of relying on Him through the uncertainties of life, even more than we need to know the answers to our unknowns. 

I love this quote - it was written by a lady who understands living through pain and unknowns. Her perspective is wonderful:

“But because I believe God’s plans for me are better than what I could plan for myself, rather than run away from the path he has set before me, I want to run toward it. I don’t want to try to change God’s mind—his thoughts are perfect. I want to think his thoughts. I don’t want to change God’s timing—his timing is perfect. I want the grace to accept his timing. I don’t want to change God’s plan—his plan is perfect. I want to embrace his plan and see how he is glorified through it. I want to submit.” - Nancy Guthrie

A final update. Tony has officially said that it’s good to have a cat!! This must be documented. The picture tells the story. These little guys are fine in the garage and outside - but not in the house. We came home yesterday and Shady had captured the offender!!

Have a good day, everyone!

August 4, 2019 - Slipping

One of the”goofy” things that happened this week: I fell down our stairs. These stairs, to be precise. 🙂

I think I stepped off the landing, missed the next step, and started falling - I’m not exactly sure!  🙂 About mid-way down, I must have leaned back, because I sat down and kind of bumped down the rest of the stairs. When I hit the bottom, I burst into tears. Poor Tony! - and Tucker! - he was spending the night. I hurt all over at first, but by morning I felt fine. 

I have realized a few things about my trip down the stairs:

1) It’s amazing how fast our minds work - in the “slow motion” of falling, my brain was the opposite, going 1000mph, trying to figure out what was happening, how to stop it, etc.
2) My biggest concern as I fell was how it would end. Would I go headfirst onto the floor, or put my arm out to break the fall, breaking it in the process? The scenarios were endless!!

Nothing that I imagined, happened. The fall wasn’t nearly as dramatic or painful as I anticipated. But honestly, don’t we all do this? Something happens, and our minds go into automatic overdrive as we imagine the worst for our situations. 

I am so, so thankful for our Heavenly Father, who can use everything for good. My fall - my “foot slipping” - was such a great reminder that I don’t have to figure things out on my own. None of us do. We don’t have to think so hard, to figure out every detail. 

My goal is to lean into that place of rest and security, even when I don’t know the ending!! I am praying the same for you. 

“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm‬ ‭94:18-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“When I felt my feet slipping, you came with your love and kept me steady. And when I was burdened with worries, you comforted me and made me feel secure.” Psalm 94:18-19‬ ‭CEV‬‬