September 28, 2015 - Opportunity for Joy

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” James 1:2-4 NLT

I read this familiar passage tonight and found it to be so full of powerful and comforting truth! I will have another surgery related to breast cancer this Monday, and it definitely is something that could be considered a trial - it involves pain, recovery time, and the saddest thing, inability to carry my sweet baby grandson for a month! 

It is a temporary frustration - but it is most of all, an opportunity for great joy. Not just to feel superficially happy, but to choose and to experience the joy that only God can give. This journey is definitely a marathon, rather than a sprint - and I have always been better at short distances! But God is teaching me every day about the importance and value of endurance, of consistency, of taking the next step, then the next, without faltering. And with each step, He gives more strength for the next step. 

So thankful for God's perfect provision for us and for His Living Word, which provides the encouragement we need for each new day!

September 24, 2015 - Then/Now

This week has been so special. A time for our family to get away - something we have never done before. We have laughed, danced, swam, played and rested. The kids have had so much fun. We have eaten at the house for every meal - not eaten out once!! For anyone who knows me, that is unheard of! But we have enjoyed every minute together. 

We hadn't planned to take any family pictures. They are stressful on their best days and we didn't want to ruin the fun by worrying over that! Tonight, after the family variety show (yes, we did that!) and before the crab hunt (??), the people in the house next to us were out at the beach taking pictures. We decided to go for it - we ran down to the beach for an "as is" picture and it turned out pretty good! Everybody was at least looking towards the camera!!

I love to compare "then" and "now". "Then" - the top picture - was right before I started chemo. Almost nine months later, there are still challenges. We found out last week that I will have three more surgeries before the end of the year. If I had known "then" how long this process would be, I might have been overwhelmed. But God knows what we can handle. 

One thing I know for sure - the "now" me is much more likely to go to God about everything. I trust Him, even more so on the days where I feel discouraged. He has a plan for each of us, and He will use all things for good. I am thankful for this journey and know that He has the future under His control!

“I wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:5–8, NLT).

September 18, 2015 - No Cape Required

This has been a busy week, in a busy season. 

I went to the dentist's office on Wednesday. Two crowns had fallen out and I needed to get them put back in. No problem. Crowns in. While I was there, we decided to go ahead and clean my teeth and check on the status of some issues that my oral surgeon had noticed a couple of months ago. My quick trip to the dentist turned into three hours and three new crowns. My motto is, why put off until tomorrow, what you can do today!! And by the way, my dentist and his staff are great - SO thankful for them!!

Today, I have two doctor's appointments. My eyes are about the same, which is causing frequent headaches. Also, I am scheduled for a follow up surgery on October 5th, related to my double mastectomy last year. A lot of health stuff continues to take a lot of time. Chemo takes a toll on your body long after the treatments are finished. 

We are going on vacation next week!! A wonderful blessing to use a vacation home of a precious lifelong friend. We have been planning it since I found out that I needed to have chemo. And our church, where Tony and I serve on staff, is experiencing tremendous growth. We are privileged to work with some of the most amazing people I have ever met!! But it doesn't feel like a good time to be taking a vacation!! Who has time to pack?? Not me!!

I am so excited about all the good things happening - and I am at the same time physically worn out. I feel like I can't catch up - every time I start to make progress, a doctor appointment or two pops up. But at the same time, I am so grateful for wonderful medical care. I am unsettled. Thankful but fretting. A little roller coaster-like!!  smile emoticon

It is time to just stop.
Focus.
Remember to choose truth, not facts. 

God is with me, He knows the plans for my life, He has never once asked me to throw on a super hero cape and conquer the world. He tells me to give my burdens to Him. To rest in Him.

He offers us peace and rest but we are too wound up sometimes to see it there, waiting for us. 

God, thank you for your consistent love for us. Always there, unconditional and full of grace and mercy. Let us slow down enough to recognize it! 

What a perfect verse for this up and down night!!

“Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.”
Hebrews 4:14-16 MSG

September 6, 2015 - He Knows

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16 NIV

Cancer and chemo and eye issues have changed me - for the better. It has not been easy physically, but I rely a lot less on myself these days, and rely much more on God! He has used this season to show me that, even on hard days, He can be relied upon to provide whatever is needed - a friend to say the right words, a verse or song to speak comfort to my heart. 

There have been so many times in the last year when I have felt like I need to get past all this cancer/chemo/eye stuff so I can focus on the things I am "supposed to be" doing. More and more, I am coming to understand that this IS what I am supposed to be doing - walking this path with faith in Him. And I never thought I would post some of these pictures - like when I was losing my hair or feeling sad! But the truth is, life can be hard but God can make beauty from ashes. smile emoticon

A precious friend sent me these lyrics today, and they are true for every one of us!!

"Every hurt and every sting
He has walked the suffering
He knows
He knows
Let your burdens come undone
Lift your eyes up to the one
Who knows" - Jeremy Camp

August 29, 2015 - Abundant Joy

This week has been interesting. I got my hair done. Yay!!  smile emoticon

I got a serious cold - which apparently clogged up my sinuses and made my eye hurt. Boo!  frown emoticon

We are starting small groups this week, and I am SO excited for the opportunity to hang out with fun people! Yay!  smile emoticon

In my continuing eye adventures - my vision is to the point in my “bad” eye that it’s really difficult to drive at night. So I’m not going to do that for awhile. Boo frown emoticon

This is not earth-shattering, world-ending trouble - but it is frustrating and a little unnerving.

I realized this afternoon that eye issues have lasted longer than the surgery/chemo experience. And they aren’t over yet. Our awesome eye doctor (who is also a friend and hasn’t blocked me from texting him with all my eye questions!!:) told me today, “stop analyzing this.” He’s right. Basically, it is what it is - we know that I will have cataract surgery in my “bad” eye when it gets to a certain point, and my formerly “good” eye will do what it’s going to do - get better, or develop a hole which leads to surgery/face down time. But there is no time frame. It’s up to God and my eyes - not me. 

I want my eyes to be back to normal. Not being able to see very well, or to work on a computer (which I do a lot of), or to see details in faces is all unfamiliar to me. And makes me impatient. And un-joyful.

BUT GOD knows exactly what we need! I have read “My Utmost For His Highest” before - but words are jumping out to me and things that I am reading make sense in a different way than they have before. Like this - HOW AMAZING IS THIS???? smile emoticon

“Huge waves that would frighten an ordinary swimmer produce a tremendous thrill for the surfer who has ridden them. Let’s apply that to our own circumstances. The things we try to avoid and fight against— tribulation, suffering, and persecution— are the very things that produce abundant joy in us. “We are more than conquerors through Him” “in all these things”; not in spite of them, but in the midst of them. A saint doesn’t know the joy of the Lord in spite of tribulation, but because of it. Paul said, “I am exceedingly joyful in all our tribulation” (2 Corinthians 7:4). The undiminished radiance, which is the result of abundant joy, is not built on anyth

August 29, 2015 - "Do Not Fret"

It is one thing to say, “Do not fret,” but something very different to have such a nature that you find yourself not fretting. 

It’s easy to say, “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” (Psalm 37:7) until our own little world is turned upside down and we are forced to live in confusion... Is it possible to “rest in the Lord” then? 

If this “Do not” doesn’t work there, then it will not work anywhere. This “Do not” must work during our days of difficulty and uncertainty, as well as our peaceful days, or it will never work... Resting in the Lord is not dependent on your external circumstances at all, but on your relationship with God Himself. 

- My Utmost for His Highest