Friday was not the day I planned!! I’ve had pain in the back of my leg since last week, and developed a rash the past few days. My oncologist’s office had me go to the ER to make sure that I didn’t have a blood clot.
The good news? No blood clot!! 🙌
The not-as-good news? I have shingles. 😕 The pain is very tolerable, so that is a huge blessing.
Since this is the third infection/virus I’ve had in the past several weeks, the doctor wants to stop the chemo med to let my immune system have a brief break, and may go to a lower dose when I start taking it again. A little scary, because the medicine is working well to fight cancer and it makes me nervous to stop taking it.
Even though it wasn’t the day I planned, I am finding it easier to roll with the changes. To be resilient. To not be frustrated, but to trust that God is in control and is surprised by none of this. 🙂 Good things can come in seasons of rest!!
“My help comes from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth! He will not let you stumble and fall; the one who watches over you will not sleep. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never tires and never sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.... The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.” Psalm 121:2-5, 8 NLT
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4 NIV
Monday, December 2, 2019
February 1, 2019 - "You Never Marry the Right Person"
A great article looking at marriage - our perspective versus God’s. This is a must-read for anyone who is happily married, struggling in marriage, or contemplating marriage!
You Never Marry the Right Person
How our culture misunderstands compatibility.
In generations past, there was far less talk about “compatibility” and finding the ideal soul-mate. Today we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for.
In John Tierney’s classic humor article “Picky, Picky, Picky” he tries nobly to get us to laugh at the impossible situation our culture has put us in. He recounts many of the reasons his single friends told him they had given up on their recent relationships: “She mispronounced ‘Goethe.’”
“How could I take him seriously after seeing The Road Less Traveled on his bookshelf?”
“If she would just lose seven pounds.”
“Sure, he’s a partner, but it’s not a big firm. And he wears those short black socks.”
“Well, it started out great … beautiful face, great body, nice smile. Everything was going fine—until she turned around.” He paused ominously and shook his head. ”… She had dirty elbows.”
In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation, a “haven in a heartless world,” as Christopher Lasch describes it. Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires. This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner.
YOU NEVER MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON
The Bible explains why the quest for compatibility seems to be so impossible. As a pastor I have spoken to thousands of couples, some working on marriage-seeking, some working on marriage-sustaining and some working on marriage-saving. I’ve heard them say over and over, “Love shouldn’t be this hard, it should come naturally.”
In response I always say something like: “Why believe that? Would someone who wants to play professional baseball say, ‘It shouldn’t be so hard to hit a fastball’? Would someone who wants to write the greatest American novel of her generation say, ‘It shouldn’t be hard to create believable characters and compelling narrative’?”
The understandable retort is: “But this is not baseball or literature. This is love. Love should just come naturally if two people are compatible, if they are truly soul-mates. “
The Christian answer to this is that no two people are compatible. Duke University Ethics professor Stanley Hauerwas has famously made this point:
Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become “whole” and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person.
We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.
Hauerwas gives us the first reason that no two people are compatible for marriage, namely, that marriage profoundly changes us. But there is another reason. Any two people who enter into marriage are spiritually broken by sin, which among other things means to be self-centered—living life incurvatus in se. As author Denis de Rougemont said, “Why should neurotic, selfish, immature people suddenly become angels when they fall in love … ?” That is why a good marriage is more painfully hard to achieve than athletic or artistic prowess.
Raw, natural talent does not enable you to play baseball as a pro or write great literature without enduring discipline and enormous work. Why would it be easy to live lovingly and well with another human being in light of what is profoundly wrong within our human nature? Indeed, many people who have mastered athletics and art have failed miserably at marriage. So the biblical doctrine of sin explains why marriage— more than anything else that is good and important in this fallen world—is so painful and hard.
NO FALSE CHOICES
The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the Gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once. The Gospel is—we are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared to believe, and at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us.
Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God’s saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God’s mercy and grace.
The hard times of marriage drive us to experience more of this transforming love of God. But a good marriage will also be a place where we experience more of this kind of transforming love at a human level.
This article is excerpt from THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE © 2011 by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller. Published by Dutton, A Member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Excerpted with permission from the publisher. All Rights Reserved. It originally ran on RELEVANTmagazine.com in 2012.
You Never Marry the Right Person
How our culture misunderstands compatibility.
In generations past, there was far less talk about “compatibility” and finding the ideal soul-mate. Today we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for.
In John Tierney’s classic humor article “Picky, Picky, Picky” he tries nobly to get us to laugh at the impossible situation our culture has put us in. He recounts many of the reasons his single friends told him they had given up on their recent relationships: “She mispronounced ‘Goethe.’”
“How could I take him seriously after seeing The Road Less Traveled on his bookshelf?”
“If she would just lose seven pounds.”
“Sure, he’s a partner, but it’s not a big firm. And he wears those short black socks.”
“Well, it started out great … beautiful face, great body, nice smile. Everything was going fine—until she turned around.” He paused ominously and shook his head. ”… She had dirty elbows.”
In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation, a “haven in a heartless world,” as Christopher Lasch describes it. Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires. This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner.
YOU NEVER MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON
The Bible explains why the quest for compatibility seems to be so impossible. As a pastor I have spoken to thousands of couples, some working on marriage-seeking, some working on marriage-sustaining and some working on marriage-saving. I’ve heard them say over and over, “Love shouldn’t be this hard, it should come naturally.”
In response I always say something like: “Why believe that? Would someone who wants to play professional baseball say, ‘It shouldn’t be so hard to hit a fastball’? Would someone who wants to write the greatest American novel of her generation say, ‘It shouldn’t be hard to create believable characters and compelling narrative’?”
The understandable retort is: “But this is not baseball or literature. This is love. Love should just come naturally if two people are compatible, if they are truly soul-mates. “
The Christian answer to this is that no two people are compatible. Duke University Ethics professor Stanley Hauerwas has famously made this point:
Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become “whole” and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person.
We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.
Hauerwas gives us the first reason that no two people are compatible for marriage, namely, that marriage profoundly changes us. But there is another reason. Any two people who enter into marriage are spiritually broken by sin, which among other things means to be self-centered—living life incurvatus in se. As author Denis de Rougemont said, “Why should neurotic, selfish, immature people suddenly become angels when they fall in love … ?” That is why a good marriage is more painfully hard to achieve than athletic or artistic prowess.
Raw, natural talent does not enable you to play baseball as a pro or write great literature without enduring discipline and enormous work. Why would it be easy to live lovingly and well with another human being in light of what is profoundly wrong within our human nature? Indeed, many people who have mastered athletics and art have failed miserably at marriage. So the biblical doctrine of sin explains why marriage— more than anything else that is good and important in this fallen world—is so painful and hard.
NO FALSE CHOICES
The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the Gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once. The Gospel is—we are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared to believe, and at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us.
Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God’s saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God’s mercy and grace.
The hard times of marriage drive us to experience more of this transforming love of God. But a good marriage will also be a place where we experience more of this kind of transforming love at a human level.
This article is excerpt from THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE © 2011 by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller. Published by Dutton, A Member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Excerpted with permission from the publisher. All Rights Reserved. It originally ran on RELEVANTmagazine.com in 2012.
January 22, 2019 - Learning to Choose Joy
Four years ago today was a game changing day. And I will probably share this memory every year from now on. It was - and is - so monumental because it was the first time in my life that I truly understood the power of JOY. That has been the best lesson ever and has served me well through all the ups and downs of life since then.
I am so very thankful for a God who truly does love us just as we are, but who loves us too much to leave us there. He uses the MOST unexpected things - like the thing I most feared, losing my hair - to turn us into fearless warriors!!
January 22, 2015 Post:
Joy
We were supposed to go to a Grizzlies game tonight. We'd been planning it for almost a month. But when I came home from work to get ready to go, I saw it - the first bald spot on my head. I thought I was ready for it, but to actually SEE it was a little jarring. My first reaction was to cry, which I did for a few minutes. My next thought was that I couldn't go to the Fed Ex Forum looking like that!!
The next thought - I had better get used to this, unless I'm planning to stay in my house for the next several months!! To ENDURE this. And I know it is just hair - but all of a sudden, I realized that I have had pretty good hair and I'm going to miss it! An understandable human reaction.
If I stayed at home, no good would come from hours of staring at my growing bald spot. I knew that it was a defining moment - was I going to hide in sadness or choose joy? Joy won. Tonight, I understand more clearly than I ever have that joy is not an emotion - joy is a weapon that God gives us to fight the darts that satan aims in our direction.
So we got ready to go and I popped a hat on my head. NOTE: I am NOT a hat person, so this was a big deal for me! 
We went to the game, had AWESOME seats, and had a great time with dear friends who have seen us through ups and downs in life. It "fit" that we had planned this night with them and it was a joy-filled night.
We went to the game, had AWESOME seats, and had a great time with dear friends who have seen us through ups and downs in life. It "fit" that we had planned this night with them and it was a joy-filled night.
Joy is an option for us EVERY day - not as a reaction to favorable circumstances but as a God-given gift to share with the people around us. It is the better choice.
January 21, 2019
1. You have a gift only you can give.
2. Someone has a need only you can meet.
3. Joy is the journey where the gift and the need collide.
4. Your journey to give your gift will break you … but it will also make you. - You Version devo
2. Someone has a need only you can meet.
3. Joy is the journey where the gift and the need collide.
4. Your journey to give your gift will break you … but it will also make you. - You Version devo
“Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap...” Luke 6:38 NLT
January 20, 2019
Our message at Life Fellowship this weekend was so very good. We can all fall into comparison - and when we compare, we find so many reasons why God can’t use us. That is a lie.
This quote and these verses are great and tie into the message so well! Something very important that I am learning in this season is that if we quit waiting for everything to be perfect, and live for God’s purposes right now, He will use us in our current circumstances to point others to Him!
"Somewhere along the way, we got it into our heads that God calls only the perfect or the educated or the successful.... Somehow we have believed that only the 'worthy' can bring glory to a God who is worthy. Turns out that God uses the broken and the wounded." Angela Thomas
“Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. Then people who are not believers will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others.” 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 NLT
“Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant!” 2 Corinthians 10:12 NLT
“For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.” James 3:16 NLT
“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.” Galatians 6:4-5 NLT
January 19, 2019
There is something very liberating about facing and dealing with the things you fear; then smiling and going on about your life. It is possible, with God's help, to do that.
"The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." (John 10:10 NLT)
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:2-4 NLT)
January 18, 2019
"Stay close to people who feel like sunlight." Author Unknown
I am so thankful for friends and family who feel like sunlight to me. At the top of the list are my girls - Mindy Boyd Baier and Kelli Williford. After Tony Boyd, they are the first ones I go to to celebrate, to cry, to laugh, to work through life’s ups and downs. We truly have a village of people watching out for us and praying for us, and I can’t imagine going through life any other way!!
I am so thankful for friends and family who feel like sunlight to me. At the top of the list are my girls - Mindy Boyd Baier and Kelli Williford. After Tony Boyd, they are the first ones I go to to celebrate, to cry, to laugh, to work through life’s ups and downs. We truly have a village of people watching out for us and praying for us, and I can’t imagine going through life any other way!!
Isolation isn’t a good place - we need each other. Sometimes, the worst advice comes from inside our heads. If you make one resolution this year - I would highly recommend investing in relationships. Sometimes it’s not easy - we may have to make the first move on a regular basis. But it’s worth the effort.
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT
January 16, 2019 - This is the Plan? Revisited
We were so excited last week with the great results at the doctor! This week, I have been so tired (which is not surprising; the medicine I am taking definitely causes fatigue). One day, I can’t wait to plan the next big project; the next day, I sleep until noon and have no energy. I’m so grateful for where we are - but I’m also so impatient, wanting to make plans and look ahead but feeling frustrated at my inability to do that.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. For whatever reason - health, finances, relationship issues - we find ourselves in limbo; wanting to move forward but feeling stuck.
In the middle of my frustration, I read this post from a few years ago (this picture is from 2015 as well). At the time I wrote it, I had finished chemo and eye surgery, and was thinking we were at the end of this cancer stuff. Reading this post reminded me that even though life has had its surprises the past few years/months, God isn’t surprised - and He’s got everything under control. 🙂
“...this is what my purpose is right now, to give Him glory and to point people to Him during the unexpected detour....”
This IS the Plan??
Tony and I were talking today about how it's sometimes good that we don't know what the future holds - that it would have been overwhelming if we had known ahead of time what these last six months would be like.
As we were talking, I was thinking about what I would have been doing and working on these last few months, if all these medical things hadn't happened - if I hadn't had all this DOWN time. As I was thinking, it was as if God was saying to me, "This IS my plan. There is nothing more important for you to do than what you've been doing."
WHAT?? Even though I've talked about how this isn't a surprise to God, and that He would be glorified through this journey, I don't know that I have ever considered that this was God's PLAN for this part of my life. But when I looked at it from that perspective - that this is what my purpose is right now, to give Him glory and to point people to Him during the unexpected detour, I felt a huge relief. He has allowed me time to get to know Him on a deeper level, and He has provided everything I have needed.
It is all about perspective - and I will continue to CHOOSE JOY!!
“Pause a moment, Job, and listen; consider the wonderful things God does.” (Job 37:14 GNT)
January 14, 2019 - Tucker's Tie Ceremony
Tony Boyd and I had the privilege of going with Mindy Boyd Baier and Michael Baier to Tucker’s tie ceremony at Grizzlies Prep. Earning a tie, especially in your first year at the school, is an honor for a Grizzlies Prep Scholar:
“The tie symbolizes an acceptance of our values and solidifies that scholars’ spot in our community. The earning of the tie is the outward showing of scholars’ internalization of our core values. We have high academic expectations and acknowledge that Grizzlies Prep is hard work. We will never ask a scholar to leave Grizzlies Prep for low academic levels upon arriving, however we expect that scholars are putting forth their best effort 100% of the time so we can work together to make the academic gains promised. Hence excellent behavior is a necessity.”
We are so proud of him!!
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