August 30, 2019 - Seasons

It’s been a busy, and an overwhelming, season. Too many friends and even family diagnosed with cancer in the last few weeks. The launch of the three WONDERFUL lifeGROUPs that I’m a part of - all within 4 days of each other. What seems like unending medical stuff, outside of cancer. I had my 45th eye injection yesterday, in addition to news that I now have fluid both IN and BEHIND the retina.

And then there’s that cancer!! 

Two trips to CTCA are coming up. I just checked the patient portal and there are 21 appointments scheduled within the next 2 weeks. I’ve got several scans, blood work, and visits with each member of our care team, in addition to the discussion with the oncologist regarding what’s next in treatment. 

In seasons like this, joy is so important to me. When I read this devo tonight, I wanted to share it because it explains, so much better than my tired mind can, a joy that defies cliches. That is what I find joy to be! It is a discipline and a posture as we navigate this road. I’m thankful for the book of Philippians, that gives a roadmap for how to walk through difficult times with joy and peace. 💕

JOY THAT DEFIES CLICHÉS

This verse is everywhere! Plastered across everything from bumper stickers to bracelets to t-shirts and framed art you can find these words:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

This verse is incredibly popular. The trouble is, it is often taken out of context. Too often, these words are co-opted into a spiritual form of the American dream, upholding our ambitions for prosperity and personal success as if to say, “Through Christ, I can get that raise, buy that car, or afford the larger house!”

But this isn’t at all what Paul was saying. In order to understand it, this verse needs to be read within the broader chapter and letter, starting with the verses preceding it.

In verse 12, Paul offers a summary of all that he has endured throughout his life and ministry: “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound… I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need” (v. 12). Paul has seen it all. He has experienced poverty and prosperity, gain and loss. Through it all his joy has persevered, unaffected by his circumstances. How? Because of Christ: “I can do all these things through him who strengthens me.”

In short, Paul isn’t talking about personal prosperity through Christ. He is talking about being content in Christ. He can endure any hardship and still rejoice because it is Christ alone who strengthens him. 

Plain and simple, Philippians 4:13 is about being content, no matter our circumstances. 

All of this gets to the heart of Philippians and this “joy” which Paul can’t stop talking about. His joy is not shiny or cliché. It’s not simple and easy and detached from what’s actually happening in the world. Paul wasn’t skipping around with a smile painted on his face. 

Instead, his joy was an act of willful defiance. 

This is exactly why Paul repeats the refrain again and again: “rejoice!” Paul isn’t gushing here. He isn’t tap-dancing over his pain. Instead, he is making a choice. He is practicing the habit of joy which has shaped him into the man he has become. For Paul, and for us, joy is a discipline. It’s something we commit to—whether we feel like it or not— and over time our souls are transformed. 

That’s why Philippians is such an important contribution to how we think about joy. It banishes all the clichés. Here is a man who is honest about his suffering and betrayal, which means we can be too. Grief does not lessen or dull the hope we have in Christ. The paradox of our faith is that we can hold sorrow and joy together in the same hands, even in the same moment. One doesn’t cancel out the other.

And let me tell you, the world needs this kind of joy. Fake joy isn’t cutting it, and neither is shallow joy. If we clamor after all the same things as the rest of the world, we aren’t any different than anyone else. Our joy is based on all the same things.

But true Christian joy—the “foolish” illogical kind—is the kind of joy that endures no matter what comes. This is the kind we’re promised in Christ. This defiant joy is complicated and messy and it isn’t built in a day, but it is the gritty joy our world is craving.” - Defiant Joy, Sharon Huddle Miller 

“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

August 21, 2019 - Pain and Defiant Joy

We sometimes think that any difficulty we experience, surely can’t be God’s will for us. And the truth is that God is all-powerful and can miraculously change our situation, taking away pain. But Paul’s story makes it clear that God sometimes takes us THROUGH the difficulty, using it to impact is, and the people around us, for good. 

Watching family and friends “live this out” has profoundly affected my life. It’s taught me to lean into our Heavenly Father, rather than pushing Him away, when we’ve faced difficulties. 

“Paul refused to let his pain go in vain. Anyone else would have seen prison as an obstacle, but he saw it as an opportunity. I once heard it said that our suffering can be purposeful, or purposeless. This is the strange joy we can have in suffering, that God can work redemption - even beautiful redemption - through any hard thing. It’s not a shallow, fleeting happiness but a deep, abiding joy anchored in God’s love. It is always available to us and for that we can rejoice.” - Defiant Joy, Shannon Miller 

“Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ.... Stand united, singular in vision, contending for people’s trust in the Message, the good news, not flinching or dodging in the slightest before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they’re up against: defeat for them, victory for you—and both because of God. There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.” Philippians‬ ‭1:27-30‬ ‭MSG‬‬

August 20, 2019 - Getting Serious

The last couple of weeks have been busy and a little surreal. When we had our last oncology visit, we had a more-serious-than-normal discussion. I’ll have scans again when we go back in September, but given rising tumor markers and the previous scans, our oncologist believes that cancer has outsmarted the current treatment plan and it’s time to make a change. The words “infusion chemo” were mentioned. If I did have infusion chemo, the type may not be as strong, or have the same side effects, as I had in 2014 - hair loss, etc. But still there are lots of things to consider. My directions from the team were to get any medical/dental issues taken care of before I go back, if possible, so that’s what I’ve been doing. I was sad to hear that the current medicine is failing because even though I’ve had some infections while on it, I have felt good and we’ve had so much fun this year!

The detail above is provided for one reason: God is so very gracious in this crazy season!

Getting unexpected, or unwanted, news can be stressful! We all can relate to upsetting, not-expected news. And while I have had a couple of meltdowns since I’ve been home, something profound has taken over in the last week. A feeling of peace - a peace that passes understanding. I’m reading “I Give Up: The Secret Joy of a Surrendered Life” and I think I understand now why God drew me to it. The book focuses on giving up control (or more accurately, realizing- AGAIN!) - that we never WERE in control) of the situations we face, and choosing instead to trust in the One who controls every minute detail of our lives. 

I am honestly having fun right now. I LOVE lifeGROUPS season; given the potential change in medicine (whether infusion or otherwise), it's time to hand off responsibilities to the leaders around me who can take care of the details that I can’t deal with right now. This is so awesome - so much better than trying to cope on my own! Thank you to my incredible lifeGROUP/re-engage/everyday friends for that. 

This isn’t a season to google details about chemo meds, blood counts, etc. It’s a season to relish every minute - to enjoy laughing and talking with family, friends, my cat. 🙂 And the reason it’s possible to do that is found in these verses. They’re some of my very favorites - I post them over and over again - but I have never comprehended so completely, or trusted, these words more:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in EVERY situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)

I KNOW what it means to experience that peace of God, guarding my heart and mind, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. A peace that passes understanding. Making my requests known to Him with prayer and thanksgiving, and then resting - knowing that He knows the future and He can be trusted!  :)

August 10, 2019 - The Empty Spaces

“The empty spaces between where we are and what’s next often terrify us, yet every single letting go requires moments of uncertainty where we seem suspended between what was and what isn’t yet. During these times we don’t feel like we’re holding on to anything solid at all... - Laura Story 

We’re home - and we had so much fun on our trip. Our anniversary dinner was at the perfect place, a restaurant called The Cellar in Newnan, and it couldn’t have been any better! Thank you for all your Anniversary well-wishes! 

I am continuing to read the book by Laura Story, and God is using it to work in my spirit! Being in Georgia again, one year after our first visit, brought back so many emotions and memories. On one hand, I feel like we are so much stronger than we were last year; our faith has grown immensely during this journey. On the other hand, sometimes it feels like we live month to month, and I’ve really not adjusted to not knowing what’s next! But in fact - we are ALL face unknowns - we just forget that and think we’ve got it all under control! 💕

This is what I do know. God’s Word provides guidance and comfort. And God has blessed with family and friends who help us on this walk - with laughter, tears, company, a shoulder to lean on, or fun diversions to help us enjoy each day. God is with us and He sees what’s ahead, whether we can see the next step or not. There’s comfort in that!

“I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!” Psalms‬ ‭121:1-2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

August 8, 2019 - Trials

“I no longer believe the myth that trials are a curse. Trials are an opportunity. They are an invitation to do good works to glorify our Father in heaven, to transform our lives from the inside out, and to drive us into the arms and footsteps of Jesus.” - Laura Story

I read this and know that its true - but sometimes, trials are just hard. We get tired of dealing with trials on top of trials, the next trial when we're not finished with the last one!

I'm so glad that God's okay with our fear and frustration! That He is walking with us through the trials, offering comfort and peace in the fire. We are not alone!

“But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 2 Chronicles‬ ‭20:17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

August 6, 2019 - Praying

I’m feeling good and we are enjoying life! At the same time, we are dealing with several “unknowns” right now. Not one. Several. Unknowns. Medically as well as in daily life. Things that I would like to know the answers to, how they will all work out. I’m sure you can relate!

Something so good has been happening in the midst of the unknowns. God has been dealing with me about the difference between planning versus fretting and worrying. He has a lot to say about the subject in these familiar verses. 🙂

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This is the formula. God tells us to pray - to tell Him what we need and to thank Him (in advance) for all He has done. Notice what happens next. The verse doesn’t say that God will answer prayers according to our will and we will have all our unknowns resolved. It says that we will experience His peace. Even if we don’t have all the answers. He knows what we need most. And we need to understand the blessing of relying on Him through the uncertainties of life, even more than we need to know the answers to our unknowns. 

I love this quote - it was written by a lady who understands living through pain and unknowns. Her perspective is wonderful:

“But because I believe God’s plans for me are better than what I could plan for myself, rather than run away from the path he has set before me, I want to run toward it. I don’t want to try to change God’s mind—his thoughts are perfect. I want to think his thoughts. I don’t want to change God’s timing—his timing is perfect. I want the grace to accept his timing. I don’t want to change God’s plan—his plan is perfect. I want to embrace his plan and see how he is glorified through it. I want to submit.” - Nancy Guthrie

A final update. Tony has officially said that it’s good to have a cat!! This must be documented. The picture tells the story. These little guys are fine in the garage and outside - but not in the house. We came home yesterday and Shady had captured the offender!!

Have a good day, everyone!

August 4, 2019 - Slipping

One of the”goofy” things that happened this week: I fell down our stairs. These stairs, to be precise. 🙂

I think I stepped off the landing, missed the next step, and started falling - I’m not exactly sure!  🙂 About mid-way down, I must have leaned back, because I sat down and kind of bumped down the rest of the stairs. When I hit the bottom, I burst into tears. Poor Tony! - and Tucker! - he was spending the night. I hurt all over at first, but by morning I felt fine. 

I have realized a few things about my trip down the stairs:

1) It’s amazing how fast our minds work - in the “slow motion” of falling, my brain was the opposite, going 1000mph, trying to figure out what was happening, how to stop it, etc.
2) My biggest concern as I fell was how it would end. Would I go headfirst onto the floor, or put my arm out to break the fall, breaking it in the process? The scenarios were endless!!

Nothing that I imagined, happened. The fall wasn’t nearly as dramatic or painful as I anticipated. But honestly, don’t we all do this? Something happens, and our minds go into automatic overdrive as we imagine the worst for our situations. 

I am so, so thankful for our Heavenly Father, who can use everything for good. My fall - my “foot slipping” - was such a great reminder that I don’t have to figure things out on my own. None of us do. We don’t have to think so hard, to figure out every detail. 

My goal is to lean into that place of rest and security, even when I don’t know the ending!! I am praying the same for you. 

“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm‬ ‭94:18-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“When I felt my feet slipping, you came with your love and kept me steady. And when I was burdened with worries, you comforted me and made me feel secure.” Psalm 94:18-19‬ ‭CEV‬‬

August 3, 2019 - One Year Later

One year ago, we were preparing for our first visit to Cancer Treatment Center. As we were driving, we saw a beautiful rainbow that appeared out of nowhere in front of us; it felt like God’s message to us that He knew exactly where we were and what we were facing. While we were at CTCA, we learned that in addition to spreading to my lungs and lymph nodes, cancer had spread to the clavicle, spine, humerus and skull. We decided on a treatment plan and headed back home on our wedding anniversary. There were lots of emotions on the trip but the overwhelming one was the presence of God’s peace, knowing that He was in control of my days. 

We will go back to Cancer Treatment Center this week for our 17th visit, and will spend our wedding anniversary in Georgia. I think that this visit will be much calmer than a year ago; no scans are planned until September. I feel good, and even though I’ve had progression in my lungs and skull, the last time I had scans everyplace else looked better than our first visit to CTCA. I am so thankful for an amazing year of time spent with our family and friends. 💕

It seems to me that the recurrence of cancer and our wedding anniversary will always be linked - but that isn’t a bad thing. As we look back and look forward, Tony Boyd and I have both learned so much about trusting God’s plan. Truly trusting, not fretting about what’s next. This excerpt from the book by Laura Story is so on point as we look to the upcoming year! 

“When I base my decisions, words, actions, or beliefs on how I feel, I am on the throne. When I base my decisions, words, actions, or beliefs on what God says is true, then He is on the throne. ....The life God is calling me to requires living with open hands - trusting Him day by day with the smallest of details and the greatest of struggles. He invites each one of His children to embrace this lifestyle of surrender, releasing control to Him and believing He is, has always been, and will forever be faithful.” - Laura Story

“The Lord Himself will lead you and be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you, so do not lose courage or be afraid.” Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:8‬ ‭GNT

August 1, 2019 - Circumstances

This week has been such a mixture of great fun and goofy/frustrating medical stuff. I'm so thankful for the fun! And God has definitely been dealing with me regarding where my focus should be. We all have our stuff that we are dealing with - maybe it's school starting, job situations, relational struggles, financial situations, sadness, pain. Whatever you're dealing with - I hope this is as helpful to you as it was to me when I read it last night!! It's from Laura Story's new book, "I Give Up: The Secret Joy of a Surrendered Life:"

"While I made a conscious decision to trust God and surrender my expectations to Him, I also did what anyone in similar circumstances would do; I searched the internet for information... Let me tell you, friend, my heart sank. That little exercise did nothing to decrease my anxiety. I don't recommend doing this... It's just not helpful - at all - to meditate on what we fear or dread.

Instead, God tells us to consider Him, to immerse ourselves in His Word, and to meditate on His truth. I remembered a lesson from Psalm 1 I'd shared not too long ago in our church, and it really seemed perfect for me. It begins like this:

'Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on His law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by steams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither - whatever they do prospers.' - Psalm 1:1-3 NIV

.... When we're rooted in God and in His Word, we're positioning ourselves for a blessed life, REGARDLESS OF OUR CIRCUMSTANCES [emphasis added]. And what is it, exactly, that rooted trees "do"? Nothing! They simply stay put, right where they are, their deep roots soaking in all that's needed for a good and fruitful life."

So we simply stay put, soaking in the benefits of being rooted. That is where I am right now. Trying hard to "do nothing" except meditating on the things that God wants me to meditate on, and not trying to figure everything out for myself. There is HUGE comfort in that. I'm praying the same for you!

July 31, 2019

“God seldom works in the easy and comfortable.

Can He? Sure.

Does He? Sometimes.

But more often than not, the times that shape me, the times that make me more loving and more gracious, aren't usually what I look back on as "good times." Isn't that strange? I mean, sure we all want to be considered "gracious," but who wants to have to go through being wronged so that they actually have the opportunity to grow in grace?

So I'm left in a bit of a conundrum... I have a choice. I could do the easy thing. Do what I'd usually do in this situation. I could moan and whine, complain; or I can take a step back.

Take a deep breath. Do the impossible.

By His grace I can take the hard road that leads to life. I can think on the sovereignty and goodness of God. Think on His promise that He is able to work everything together into something beautiful. Yes, even seemingly meaningless inconveniences might just be the hand of God at work to grow patience, kindness and goodness in me.

We don't like to think that way though do we? I don't. It's hard. It's complicated to reconcile a God who works through pain. It's tough to trust in a Lord who allows suffering and inconvenience. It'd be a whole lot easier to mindlessly promise myself that Jesus always wants to make life easy, but I don't think that's how He works. If anything, Jesus uses dark colors when He paints. He's into streams in the desert and life out of death.

When we trust Christ, and the mysterious work on Calvary, we trust that He's always up to something good even in the darkest days. In fact, that's probably when He's up to the most good, because that's when the most good grows in me.

So if this is the path the Lord has brought me down, then I say, "Don't stop it Lord. Redemption was born on a far darker day than this one, so bring the chaos. Bring the madness. Do whatever you've got to do to recreate my heart." After all, it's me that needs to change, not my circumstances.” Excerpts from “The Struggle”, Tenth Avenue North, You Version Devo

“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.” Romans‬ ‭8:18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

July 28, 2019 - Perfect

I read this in the summer of 2014 - before cancer, eye problems, etc. It caught my attention then; and I love it today because it says exactly what I feel - as much as you can, live each moment with intention, relishing the time you spend with those you love!!  💕💕💕 The quote, along with some of my favorite pictures of the past few days. 

“For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. Stop waiting. This is it! It's here, and you'd better decide to enjoy it or you're going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever." - Lev Grossman

July 27, 2019 - Health and Thoughts

I’m pretty sure I was on an adrenaline “high” during my cousin’s wedding - it was so fun having all our family here!! But it felt like adrenaline started to decline on Saturday, and totally disappeared by Sunday afternoon. 

In addition to being tired, my ear was really hurting. So back to the ENT on Tuesday - the ruptured eardrum from a couple of weeks ago, which initially looked like a tear, had turned into a hole, complete with a middle/inner ear infection.. The pain is a combination ear/mouth pain. It hurts to chew and feels like my jaw is locking up at times. Fun!

It has definitely been a “How am I going to handle this?” week. I’ve been resting - but also having fun. Choosing joy. It is the comfort that helps get through the hard days. 🙂

This was in my memories today, written by a high school friend, and it is so timely! We so easily forget that THIS world is temporary!! I’m thankful that the frustrations and pains of this life will come to an end, and that our permanent home will have no sorrow, crying or pain. 🙂

"This is the only chance I will have to live by faith. Only for this lifetime will I endure hardship... This is the only time I will ever be old. I want to do “old” well. This is the only opportunity I will have to experience pain. I don’t want to waste the experience.

Hardship, pain, old... these are words for this world. Only in this existence am I called to walk by faith, not sight. Walking by faith is a passing privilege. It’s “passing”, because we know where this chapter ends - a personal audience with Jesus. I don’t know what the road will be like along the way, but I know where it leads: the presence of Jesus, where we discover that life has only just begun." - John Stumble

July 19, 2019 - Carrie & Steve

July 19th was such a special day!! 

It started out with breakfast with my extended family. That is such a simple phrase - but our family is so spread out around (and outside of) the United States. Breakfast and time together doesn’t happen very often. I’m so thankful it did today! 

Carrie - your wedding was amazing and I am so glad that God allowed us to be family. I can’t wait to see what the next chapter holds for you and Steve!! 

I love you. 

July 15, 2019 - One Year Ago

One year ago today, I was sitting in the second service on Sunday morning and all of a sudden I felt this ping pong ball-sized bump in my neck. The next day, I went to the oncologist, who ordered a CT. That happened the following day, and we left West Clinic with the knowledge that I had metastatic/stage 4 cancer. The year has had its ups and downs but this I know - God has very much been with us on this road, and friends and family make all the difference!! I can honestly say it’s been one of the best - and most special - years of my life. A diagnosis of stage 4 cancer makes you live with intention, and I am so thankful for all the fun days we’ve had this year. I am looking forward to so many more fun days with family and friends (it’s been so special having Kelli and John and the kids here this year!). 

I wanted to share some special moments from the last year. 🙂

“Peace does not come when you finally have control over your life; peace comes when you no longer need control. You cannot control your circumstances, but you can control your character. You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control the choices you make. You cannot control the outcome, but you can control the process.” - Erwin McManus 

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John‬ ‭14:27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Let us, then, hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we have a great High Priest who has gone into the very presence of God — Jesus, the Son of God. Our High Priest is not one who cannot feel sympathy for our weaknesses. On the contrary, we have a High Priest who was tempted in every way that we are, but did not sin. Let us have confidence, then, and approach God's throne, where there is grace. There we will receive mercy and find grace to help us just when we need it.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:14-16‬ ‭GNB‬‬

July 14, 2019 - God's Control

Great food for thought!! 

Excerpts from “God’s Control” by Chuck Swindoll

Honestly now, do you think God's control over us is total . . . or partial? Let's allow His Word to speak on this deep subject:

You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. (Psalm 139:5, 16)

Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker - an earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, "What are you doing?" (Isaiah 45:9)

There are more. Patiently, repeatedly, in a dozen different ways the Word makes the point. Accept it or not, God's calling the shots. He's running the show. Either He's in full control or He's off His throne. It's as foolish to say He's "almost sovereign" as it would be to say I'm "almost married" or Kennedy was "almost president" or the surgeon's gloves are "almost sterile."

If you're trying to grasp all the ramifications of this great truth - don't. You can't anyway. Feverishly toiling to unravel all the knots will result in endless hours of theological hairsplitting. The finite can never plumb the depths of the infinite - so don't waste your time trying.

It was a glorious day when I was liberated from the prison camp of fear - the fear of saying, "I don't understand the reasons why, but I accept God's hand in what has happened." It was a greater day when I realized that nobody expected me to have all the answers, least of all God! If I could figure it all out, I'd qualify as His adviser, and Scripture makes it clear He doesn't need my puny counsel. He wants my unreserved love, my unqualified devotion, my undaunted trust - not my unenlightened analysis of His ways.

One of the marks of spiritual maturity is the quiet confidence that God is in control, without the need to understand why He does what He does.

July 13, 2019 - Health Update / Changed Plans

What a week! We got home from CTCA in Atlanta on Wednesday and I went straight to an appointment with the GI doctor. He found an infection in the esophagus and intestines, so he prescribed an antibiotic. When I woke up early Friday morning, my ear was really hurting so I decided to put ear drops in it. Bad idea! My eardrum had ruptured and the pain was incredible because the drops went into my ear and down my throat. We headed to the ER because it hurt so much. I came home with antibiotic #2 for the ear infection and directions to rest and avoid loud noise for at least a week. I can't take the chemo pill when I'm on an antibiotic, so time to take a break from the chemo pill. The fun plans I'd had for Friday were all cancelled. 

One of the most difficult things for me to deal with on this journey is how little control I have of the day-to-day things. I like them to go according to MY schedule. My plans didn't work out - but the changed plans give me time to rest. I don't like resting - it makes me feel lazy. But it is needed! 

We can either fight the unexpected, or we can stop and see the good that will come from it. Today I am choosing to see the good.  🙂

Praying for all our friends who are struggling with changed plans - whether due to illness, job transitions, relational issues, addictions. God can bring good from every situation!

"God is good in the shadows. He is good in the sunshine. He is good. And as you walk through the darkest days, He is with you. He loves you.... Cling tightly to His Word, and let it set the pace for your life. Run to the One who created you, made you, and called you. Gather with the church and surround yourself with people who will speak life over you and encourage you to keep walking, to keep loving, to keep giving, and to not lose heart." Jennie Lusko

“But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 2 Chronicles‬ ‭20:17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

July 11, 2019 - Love

“Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.” Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare

July 3, 2019 - Marlene Langdon Conklin Jacobsen

24 years ago today my mom passed away from stage 4 breast cancer. I am so thankful for her love and her legacy. Because of the faith and grace she showed as she lived - and died, she taught us what it means to trust God’s goodness even when we don’t understand His plans. She loved her family and we were blessed to have her!!

“The greatest legacy one can pass on to one's children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one's life, but rather a legacy of character and faith.” - Billy Graham

July 1, 2019 - New Group - "I Give Up"

Hey local friends! Something has been on my mind for awhile but it didn’t seem like the time was right until now. 

This fall, I am thinking about leading / co-leading a group for friends who are dealing with chronic or terminal situations. That includes all kinds things. Cancer, COPD, Diabetes, RA, vision issues, etc. It could include caregivers, spouses, high school or older friends as well, if they would like to be a part.

THIS WILL NOT BE A GROUP WHOSE MAIN FOCUS IS THE ILLNESS, but instead will focus on the importance of leaning into God on this road. To accept the journey - that doesn’t mean to give up, it means to ask God to walk with us and trusting His plan!  🙂

I’m thinking right now that there would not be childcare and would possibly meet on Monday nights, every other week.

The study that I’d like us to do is brand new. It’s written by Laura Story, and is called “I Give Up: The Secret Joy of a Surrendered Life.” There is a book available as well as a study guide, and the meetings would include a DVD session with Laura Story. 

Let me know if you’d be interested. Depending on the interest, we’ll figure out a plan. Thanks so much!

June 30, 2019 - Carla's Post about Tony's Message

Today’s message from Pastor Tony Boyd spoke to my heart so much! The message of his life that he spoke about today contained a lot of what I have been feeling for 30 years, when I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (T1D). I have just never been able to explain it this well. We’ve both asked God “Why?”: Tony – regarding his wife, Kathy's health; and me – regarding me and my Son, Chase's health. Why do we all have health conditions that will never end?

Then, Tony said so many things that spoke directly to me – some of which I have already resolved within myself, and some of which were resolved for me today during Tony’s message: “God, I accept this journey.” “I am in a deeper place of trust with Him.” “Will we continue to trust God when we don’t see what he’s doing in our lives right now?” “Listen to God.” “Read His word.” “Pray.” “Trust that He is good.” “Believe that He cares deeply for us.”

I do believe that God chose these paths for us for very special reasons. We may never know these reasons. We don’t NEED to know these reasons. But, these are His plan for us and His reasons are always for good!

Thank you Tony, for sharing this message!

#lifefellowshipchurch #messageofmylife #ilovethisplace #ilovethesepeople

June 28, 2019 - Update and the 23rd Psalm

Almost a year since my stage 4 breast cancer diagnosis. What an incredible year it’s been!! Twelve months into the journey, this is how things look like from my perspective:

1. God is with us, covering, comforting and teaching us. There is a peace and calm in this season like I’ve never experienced before. 

2. My husband, daughters and their families are the best gifts I’ve ever received this side of heaven. They make life so fun!

3. Medically, I have had progression in my lungs and skull, but my spine and ribs are stable. Other than extreme fatigue that will come out of nowhere, and pain (which is managed for the most part), I feel good and I am truly enjoying life. I am not having the side effects from my medicine that many people experience. 

4. There is a freedom that is hard to explain - I truly don’t worry about or fear many things because I KNOW that God is right here to walk with me. That is probably the biggest surprise of all - the freedom from worry - but the most special blessing. 

I used to stay away from the 23rd Psalm. It was reserved for funerals in my mind. But the words are so comforting to me! God is good, He can be trusted, and choosing joy is a posture, not a feeling. 🙂

“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalms‬ ‭23:1-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

June 20, 2019 - Progress/Progression

The words are so similar - even synonyms of each other. Check out the definitions:

Progress (noun) - development toward a better, more complete, or more modern condition

Progression (noun) - the process of developing or moving gradually towards a more advanced state.

So similar but subtlety different. To me, progress is great; I’ve always associated it with reaching goals, with accomplishment. Progression is almost becoming a dreaded word. Progression with cancer, progression in side effects and frustrating symptoms. I’m tired!

But that’s life, and that’s okay. I can choose sadness and have a pity-party, or I can find the blessings and use the lessons on this journey to encourage others. Life can be very hard, no doubt. But difficulties are not a surprise to God and He uses our story and circumstances for good as we trust Him. Keeping that in mind makes all the difference. 🙂

I want to share another day of the “When God Says No” devo from You Version. What a powerful reminder at the perfect time! 

Everything Is Meant For Good

It’s not true, you know. When they say God will never give you more than you can handle. If that’s true, it means I must be superhuman, able to balance stacks of breakable worries on the tips of my fingers. But I am just a person. And it’s hard when God says no.

As I thumb through the Scriptures, I read story after story of lives that matter. Very few of those lives are distinguished through ease. In 2 Corinthians 1, Paul writes, “We were completely overwhelmed-- beyond our strength-- so that we even despaired of life.”

So, the proof is there. God often gives us more than we can handle. But, He also promises the rarest of commodities: life and peace. And it is because of our Savior that even suffering has purpose. 2 Corinthians 1 also says, “He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

God says no, but I can breathe in peace and breathe out this new story. My story will touch someone, who will touch someone else, and so on for all time.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:3-4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

June 19, 2019 - Happy Birthday, Clara

Happy Birthday, CJ!! Our first grand baby turned 12 today! 

I can’t believe you’re so grown up. You are willing to stand up for the things that are important to you, and you are an excellent negotiator. Especially when pets are involved!!

We are so glad to have you home this year. We’re proud of you and can’t wait to see what God has planned for you. We love you so very much!!

June 19, 2019 - "When God Says No"

“I’ve been there. I’ve cried out with my face to the floor, begging God to give me the miracle.

And then. And then. And then. The “no” hit me with the breaking force of a hurricane, and there I was. Stranded on a path I didn’t recognize, headed down a road I didn’t ask to travel. 

But, I believe the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I believe Paul when he writes that “affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope.”

So, I get up. I shake my frozen legs. And with the power that comes from Christ alone, I take an aching step forward down this strange path. The farther I walk, the easier it becomes because my muscles grow stronger than I knew they could. At times, I still have to dig in and scale the mountainside, but the view from where I stand is lovelier now than it ever was on the easy path.” - When God Says No, You Version

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:3-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

June 17, 2019 - Promises

When I feel worried or afraid, I have found that the best thing to do is to remind myself of all that God has promised. There is such power in these words!! Some of my very favorite promises. 🙂

“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians‬ ‭3:16-19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus‬ ‭14:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you... Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:6, 8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah‬ ‭43:1-2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.” Isaiah‬ ‭54:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua‬ ‭1:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.” Psalms‬ ‭37:4-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭NLT‬‬