I want to share this - and it may not make sense to some, but it has been a huge comfort to me. I just didn’t know how to put what I “FELT” into a definable phrase until recently.
A friend said something to me yesterday and it caught my attention. She said, “Your attitude has made me not afraid of having cancer.” This friend didn’t know me when I had cancer; she was talking about my attitude through the aftereffects of chemo, which is an ever-growing list of maladies that were never a part of my life prior to cancer. 😁
I had expected to go through cancer/chemo and then resume my life. However, that has not been the case. Life today looks totally different than pre-cancer. But I can truly say, I am happier than I have ever been. Not because it’s always so much fun dealing with so many doctor appointments and some limitations to sight and hearing (a side note: I definitely have days when I just feel sad). But I have come to terms with the truth that although God could heal me in an instant, He isn’t doing that - right now. He is using this season for His purposes. And there is rest in that.
Last week, i was listening to an interview with Lee Strobel; he is a journalist who has written several books including “The Case for Christ” where he goes methodically through “evidence” supporting the case he is making. He recently wrote a book called “The Case for Miracles” and in it, he talks about a prayer of relinquishment. It is a prayer saying “God, I know you are totally capable of changing the situation, but I relinquish worry and concern and control over the outcome”. Mr. Strobel cites several examples in the book of situations when God didn’t change circumstances. I honestly don’t recall them, but here are a couple from the Bible that come to mind:
- Jesus asked for the cup to be taken from him as he faced crucifixion but then he said “Not your will, but mine”.
- Paul suffered throughout his life with a “thorn in his flesh”; he asked God to remove it, but he ultimately knew that God was using it for a greater purpose.
In my case, I found that waiting for healing - for getting back to “normal” - was frustrating and distracting me from doing what I CAN do, during this season. There is a freedom in knowing that while I may not be able to do the things that I was doing a year ago, God has me right where He wants me for now. I had always worked full-time and honestly thought I would really miss my work (which I LOVED) when I went to a much more part-time schedule. But instead, God is showing me things that He has for me to do that I never had time to “see” in the past, and I absolutely LOVE getting up each day, ready for what is ahead.
I don’t know what next year will look like - God could totally restore my vision and remove the other health issues that I am dealing with. BUT IF HE DOESN’T - God is still SO VERY GOOD. He absolutely has a plan for me. He has a plan for you.
