“God seldom works in the easy and comfortable.
Can He? Sure.
Does He? Sometimes.
But more often than not, the times that shape me, the times that make me more loving and more gracious, aren't usually what I look back on as "good times." Isn't that strange? I mean, sure we all want to be considered "gracious," but who wants to have to go through being wronged so that they actually have the opportunity to grow in grace?
So I'm left in a bit of a conundrum... I have a choice. I could do the easy thing. Do what I'd usually do in this situation. I could moan and whine, complain; or I can take a step back.
Take a deep breath. Do the impossible.
By His grace I can take the hard road that leads to life. I can think on the sovereignty and goodness of God. Think on His promise that He is able to work everything together into something beautiful. Yes, even seemingly meaningless inconveniences might just be the hand of God at work to grow patience, kindness and goodness in me.
We don't like to think that way though do we? I don't. It's hard. It's complicated to reconcile a God who works through pain. It's tough to trust in a Lord who allows suffering and inconvenience. It'd be a whole lot easier to mindlessly promise myself that Jesus always wants to make life easy, but I don't think that's how He works. If anything, Jesus uses dark colors when He paints. He's into streams in the desert and life out of death.
When we trust Christ, and the mysterious work on Calvary, we trust that He's always up to something good even in the darkest days. In fact, that's probably when He's up to the most good, because that's when the most good grows in me.
So if this is the path the Lord has brought me down, then I say, "Don't stop it Lord. Redemption was born on a far darker day than this one, so bring the chaos. Bring the madness. Do whatever you've got to do to recreate my heart." After all, it's me that needs to change, not my circumstances.” Excerpts from “The Struggle”, Tenth Avenue North, You Version Devo
“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.” Romans 8:18 NLT
Wednesday, May 6, 2020
July 28, 2019 - Perfect
I read this in the summer of 2014 - before cancer, eye problems, etc. It caught my attention then; and I love it today because it says exactly what I feel - as much as you can, live each moment with intention, relishing the time you spend with those you love!! 💕💕💕 The quote, along with some of my favorite pictures of the past few days.
“For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. Stop waiting. This is it! It's here, and you'd better decide to enjoy it or you're going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever." - Lev Grossman
“For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. Stop waiting. This is it! It's here, and you'd better decide to enjoy it or you're going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever." - Lev Grossman
July 27, 2019 - Health and Thoughts
I’m pretty sure I was on an adrenaline “high” during my cousin’s wedding - it was so fun having all our family here!! But it felt like adrenaline started to decline on Saturday, and totally disappeared by Sunday afternoon.
In addition to being tired, my ear was really hurting. So back to the ENT on Tuesday - the ruptured eardrum from a couple of weeks ago, which initially looked like a tear, had turned into a hole, complete with a middle/inner ear infection.. The pain is a combination ear/mouth pain. It hurts to chew and feels like my jaw is locking up at times. Fun!
It has definitely been a “How am I going to handle this?” week. I’ve been resting - but also having fun. Choosing joy. It is the comfort that helps get through the hard days. 🙂
This was in my memories today, written by a high school friend, and it is so timely! We so easily forget that THIS world is temporary!! I’m thankful that the frustrations and pains of this life will come to an end, and that our permanent home will have no sorrow, crying or pain. 🙂
"This is the only chance I will have to live by faith. Only for this lifetime will I endure hardship... This is the only time I will ever be old. I want to do “old” well. This is the only opportunity I will have to experience pain. I don’t want to waste the experience.
Hardship, pain, old... these are words for this world. Only in this existence am I called to walk by faith, not sight. Walking by faith is a passing privilege. It’s “passing”, because we know where this chapter ends - a personal audience with Jesus. I don’t know what the road will be like along the way, but I know where it leads: the presence of Jesus, where we discover that life has only just begun." - John Stumble
In addition to being tired, my ear was really hurting. So back to the ENT on Tuesday - the ruptured eardrum from a couple of weeks ago, which initially looked like a tear, had turned into a hole, complete with a middle/inner ear infection.. The pain is a combination ear/mouth pain. It hurts to chew and feels like my jaw is locking up at times. Fun!
It has definitely been a “How am I going to handle this?” week. I’ve been resting - but also having fun. Choosing joy. It is the comfort that helps get through the hard days. 🙂
This was in my memories today, written by a high school friend, and it is so timely! We so easily forget that THIS world is temporary!! I’m thankful that the frustrations and pains of this life will come to an end, and that our permanent home will have no sorrow, crying or pain. 🙂
"This is the only chance I will have to live by faith. Only for this lifetime will I endure hardship... This is the only time I will ever be old. I want to do “old” well. This is the only opportunity I will have to experience pain. I don’t want to waste the experience.
Hardship, pain, old... these are words for this world. Only in this existence am I called to walk by faith, not sight. Walking by faith is a passing privilege. It’s “passing”, because we know where this chapter ends - a personal audience with Jesus. I don’t know what the road will be like along the way, but I know where it leads: the presence of Jesus, where we discover that life has only just begun." - John Stumble
July 19, 2019 - Carrie & Steve
July 19th was such a special day!!
It started out with breakfast with my extended family. That is such a simple phrase - but our family is so spread out around (and outside of) the United States. Breakfast and time together doesn’t happen very often. I’m so thankful it did today!
Carrie - your wedding was amazing and I am so glad that God allowed us to be family. I can’t wait to see what the next chapter holds for you and Steve!!
I love you.
It started out with breakfast with my extended family. That is such a simple phrase - but our family is so spread out around (and outside of) the United States. Breakfast and time together doesn’t happen very often. I’m so thankful it did today!
Carrie - your wedding was amazing and I am so glad that God allowed us to be family. I can’t wait to see what the next chapter holds for you and Steve!!
I love you.
July 15, 2019 - One Year Ago
One year ago today, I was sitting in the second service on Sunday morning and all of a sudden I felt this ping pong ball-sized bump in my neck. The next day, I went to the oncologist, who ordered a CT. That happened the following day, and we left West Clinic with the knowledge that I had metastatic/stage 4 cancer. The year has had its ups and downs but this I know - God has very much been with us on this road, and friends and family make all the difference!! I can honestly say it’s been one of the best - and most special - years of my life. A diagnosis of stage 4 cancer makes you live with intention, and I am so thankful for all the fun days we’ve had this year. I am looking forward to so many more fun days with family and friends (it’s been so special having Kelli and John and the kids here this year!).
I wanted to share some special moments from the last year. 🙂
“Peace does not come when you finally have control over your life; peace comes when you no longer need control. You cannot control your circumstances, but you can control your character. You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control the choices you make. You cannot control the outcome, but you can control the process.” - Erwin McManus
“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27 NLT
“Let us, then, hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we have a great High Priest who has gone into the very presence of God — Jesus, the Son of God. Our High Priest is not one who cannot feel sympathy for our weaknesses. On the contrary, we have a High Priest who was tempted in every way that we are, but did not sin. Let us have confidence, then, and approach God's throne, where there is grace. There we will receive mercy and find grace to help us just when we need it.” Hebrews 4:14-16 GNB
July 14, 2019 - God's Control
Great food for thought!!
Excerpts from “God’s Control” by Chuck Swindoll
Honestly now, do you think God's control over us is total . . . or partial? Let's allow His Word to speak on this deep subject:
You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. (Psalm 139:5, 16)
Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker - an earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, "What are you doing?" (Isaiah 45:9)
There are more. Patiently, repeatedly, in a dozen different ways the Word makes the point. Accept it or not, God's calling the shots. He's running the show. Either He's in full control or He's off His throne. It's as foolish to say He's "almost sovereign" as it would be to say I'm "almost married" or Kennedy was "almost president" or the surgeon's gloves are "almost sterile."
If you're trying to grasp all the ramifications of this great truth - don't. You can't anyway. Feverishly toiling to unravel all the knots will result in endless hours of theological hairsplitting. The finite can never plumb the depths of the infinite - so don't waste your time trying.
It was a glorious day when I was liberated from the prison camp of fear - the fear of saying, "I don't understand the reasons why, but I accept God's hand in what has happened." It was a greater day when I realized that nobody expected me to have all the answers, least of all God! If I could figure it all out, I'd qualify as His adviser, and Scripture makes it clear He doesn't need my puny counsel. He wants my unreserved love, my unqualified devotion, my undaunted trust - not my unenlightened analysis of His ways.
One of the marks of spiritual maturity is the quiet confidence that God is in control, without the need to understand why He does what He does.
Excerpts from “God’s Control” by Chuck Swindoll
Honestly now, do you think God's control over us is total . . . or partial? Let's allow His Word to speak on this deep subject:
You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. (Psalm 139:5, 16)
Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker - an earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, "What are you doing?" (Isaiah 45:9)
There are more. Patiently, repeatedly, in a dozen different ways the Word makes the point. Accept it or not, God's calling the shots. He's running the show. Either He's in full control or He's off His throne. It's as foolish to say He's "almost sovereign" as it would be to say I'm "almost married" or Kennedy was "almost president" or the surgeon's gloves are "almost sterile."
If you're trying to grasp all the ramifications of this great truth - don't. You can't anyway. Feverishly toiling to unravel all the knots will result in endless hours of theological hairsplitting. The finite can never plumb the depths of the infinite - so don't waste your time trying.
It was a glorious day when I was liberated from the prison camp of fear - the fear of saying, "I don't understand the reasons why, but I accept God's hand in what has happened." It was a greater day when I realized that nobody expected me to have all the answers, least of all God! If I could figure it all out, I'd qualify as His adviser, and Scripture makes it clear He doesn't need my puny counsel. He wants my unreserved love, my unqualified devotion, my undaunted trust - not my unenlightened analysis of His ways.
One of the marks of spiritual maturity is the quiet confidence that God is in control, without the need to understand why He does what He does.
July 13, 2019 - Health Update / Changed Plans
What a week! We got home from CTCA in Atlanta on Wednesday and I went straight to an appointment with the GI doctor. He found an infection in the esophagus and intestines, so he prescribed an antibiotic. When I woke up early Friday morning, my ear was really hurting so I decided to put ear drops in it. Bad idea! My eardrum had ruptured and the pain was incredible because the drops went into my ear and down my throat. We headed to the ER because it hurt so much. I came home with antibiotic #2 for the ear infection and directions to rest and avoid loud noise for at least a week. I can't take the chemo pill when I'm on an antibiotic, so time to take a break from the chemo pill. The fun plans I'd had for Friday were all cancelled.
One of the most difficult things for me to deal with on this journey is how little control I have of the day-to-day things. I like them to go according to MY schedule. My plans didn't work out - but the changed plans give me time to rest. I don't like resting - it makes me feel lazy. But it is needed!
We can either fight the unexpected, or we can stop and see the good that will come from it. Today I am choosing to see the good. 🙂
Praying for all our friends who are struggling with changed plans - whether due to illness, job transitions, relational issues, addictions. God can bring good from every situation!
"God is good in the shadows. He is good in the sunshine. He is good. And as you walk through the darkest days, He is with you. He loves you.... Cling tightly to His Word, and let it set the pace for your life. Run to the One who created you, made you, and called you. Gather with the church and surround yourself with people who will speak life over you and encourage you to keep walking, to keep loving, to keep giving, and to not lose heart." Jennie Lusko
“But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 2 Chronicles 20:17 NLT
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