Hope

Hope is the little voice you hear whisper "maybe" when it seems the entire world is shouting "no!"

Hope.  That word has been on my mind a lot, especially over the last month.   I've actually felt a lack of it, been looking for more of it.

Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Bad things shouldn’t happen at this time of year.  It would be awesome for everyone to just be able to take a “break”.   But that isn’t how life works.  When you watch a three-year-old heart transplant patient deal with kidney dialysis, or welcome a baby into the world, only have to say good-bye to her 16 days later, hope can seem very far away to me.

Pain doesn’t take a holiday vacation - money issues, family dynamics and life’s struggles don’t take a break.  

So we all have a choice to make - to hope or to despair.  I don't have all the answers, don't pretend to have it all figured out, but I know that I want to choose hope.  I want to stand firm even though I don’t understand, even though life may not seem fair.  I choose to believe that God is loving, that He knows exactly where we are and what we’re dealing with, and that He does have a plan for our lives.  It may not be the plan that we had, but we can trust that He is good.  

I like what J. Hampton Keathley has to say about hope:

In the Bible, hope is never a static or passive thing... A biblical hope is not an escape from reality or from problems. It doesn’t leave us idle, drifting. If our hope is based on God's promises, it will:

• change how we see ourselves. It changes us into pilgrim persons, people who see this life as temporary sojourn.
• change what we value. Hope... makes us heavenly minded.
• affect what we do with our lives—our talents, time, treasures.

In the last month, I have watched as families have dealt with incomprehensible pain - with hope.  The manner in which they carry themselves and each word that they say carries incredible power, because they are choosing to hope THROUGH their pain, and God is using them to impact everyone that they touch.

We may not be able to choose our circumstances, but we can choose to live with hope and to be a living example of hope to a hurting world.  That's the legacy I want to leave - a legacy of hope.

Merry Christmas to you!

A Different Way to Deal with the Holidays! :)

First - a note on our kids, Kelli and John.  We have talked to them and seen them (thank you, skype) and they are doing great. You can check out the latest in their blog (on the right).  Thank you for praying for them!!

Now to a totally unrelated topic.... do you ever just feel ticked off?  Of course, none of us grammies do, as we have reached the peak of maturity, right?  Okay, another myth shattered - grammies may still have tempers.  

And we can all get a little irritated - and especially at this time of year.   Here we are, trying to make Christmas all perfect for everyone, and something happens that sets us off, ruins our day (and probably the day of anyone living in the house with us). 

I had a friend who used to say “everybody is playing their own home movies” - we all have a picture in our mind of how things are supposed to be, and when something happens that messes with our “home movie”, it’s hard to get past it.  And with all those home movies playing in everyone’s heads - there are bound to be collisions, which lead to being “ticked off”, which can lead to unhappy days - holiday or not.

I had this happen to me recently - I got seriously ticked off - and no, not at anyone in my family.  :)  There was no yelling or screaming.  While at some point earlier in my life (like last year), you would immediately know if you had ticked me off, now I have developed the ability to just simmer, rather than fly off the handle.  Actually, this isn’t all bad - definitely better than exploding!  But I walked away from the situation and did a slow burn, playing it over and over in my head, thinking of how the whole thing was just WRONG (ever feel like that?), and trying to decide how I would address it  - also known as “getting even.”  :)

Then it came to me - Matthew 5:44 (the scripture reference didn’t come to me, but the words “despitefully used” did).  Normally, my brain prefers New Living or New International versions of the Bible, but those words are from the King James version:

But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.

Here I was, trying to plan how to deal with the situation - because you can’t just let things slide, you need to honestly confront, right?  But the words to Matthew 5:44 just kept playing over and over in my head.  

Here, the example God gives is much more drastic than what I was dealing with.  The person I was angry with wasn’t an enemy, they hadn’t cursed me, they didn’t hate me, they hadn’t despitefully used me or persecuted me.  But even if they had done all of those things - God’s instruction is to love them, bless them, do good to them, pray for them.  WOW.  Not exactly my natural instinct.

In my situation, a very good friend had not handled a situation the way I thought it should be handled. It was that simple. I was offended and ready to give them an earful, which would have started a chain reaction of ugly - which is sadly what we often end up with during the holidays. Not the home movie we want, is it?

I don’t always get it right, but this time, I chose Matthew 5:44 - to love, bless, do good and pray.  And I am planning to do that more often in the future.  I would highly recommend that you try it, as well.  It may be the best gift we can give to our family and friends this year!

Miracle of the Moment

What a week!   Kelli and John are on the way to the Philippines - we just texted our “good-byes” as they were boarding their flight for Hong Kong.  And if my calculations are correct, they will arrive in Cebu City, Philippines around 9:45pm on Monday night (Memphis time).  

The memories of the past few days can only be described as precious - an awesome time with family.  One of my friends told me today that it seems like our family lives in the moment. I would say that one of the main reasons we try live that way is because of our little grandson, Tucker.

You can read Tucker’s story in a link at the right - the website is www.caringbridge.org/visit/tuckerbaier.  Tucker was born with a congenital heart defect, although we didn’t know that until he was a day old.  If someone had told us what was ahead, I would have been fearful, and I wouldn’t want to live through those days again, but God was so good to us, and today, Tucker is a healthy, funny, wonderful little boy.  Tucker’s heart has forever changed mine, and shown me the importance of appreciating every day we all have with each other.  One day in November 2007, I heard the song “Miracle of the Moment” by Steven Curtis Chapman for the first time, and it was as if God had those words just for me.  The words have sort of become my theme song, and I want to share them with you.  No matter where we are, we have this moment:

It’s time for letting go

All of our “if only’s”

‘Cause we don’t have a time machine

And even if we did

Would we really want to use it?

Would we really want to go change everything?

‘Cause we are who and where and what we are for now

And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out

Listen to your heartbeat

There’s a wonder in the here and now

It’s right there in front of you

And I don’t want you to miss

The miracle of the moment

There’s only one who knows

What’s really out there waiting

In all the moments yet to be

And all we need to know

Is He’s out there waiting

To Him the future’s history

He has given us a treasure called right now

This is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out

Listen to your heartbeat

There’s a wonder in the here and now

It’s right there in front of you

And I don’t want you to miss

The miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears

Then taste them as they fall

And let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter

Then throw your head back

And let it go, let it go

You gotta let it go

Listen to your heartbeat

There’s a wonder in the here and now

It’s right there in front of you

And I don’t want you to miss

The miracle of the moment

Don’t let all the holiday details keep you from the miracle of each moment!  :)

Saying Good-Bye to the Willifords

This Sunday, December 12th, Kelli, John, Clara and Lincoln will board a plane for a 24-hour trip to the Philippines, their home for the next two years.   They will fly out of the Memphis airport, which is a huge blessing since we live about 10 miles from there! They’ll be arriving in Memphis on Thursday afternoon and spend a couple of days with us before they leave. You can keep up with them by checking in on their blog, “The Williford Family” - a link is on the right.

I had anticipated feeling very emotional in the days leading up to their departure.  Honestly, I’ve been very calm and so excited for them!  But now the countdown is on - and as we prepare, I find myself making a detailed itinerary of the things we will do while they’re here.  It’s different than other trips - not just a to-do list.  Instead, it’s a list of memories-to-be.  People to eat with, places to go.  There are cookies to decorate, pizzas to make, maybe even a favorite meal to cook.  Normally when they come to town, we can’t all fit into one vehicle, so we caravan to wherever we’re going.  Not this time!  The reservation has been made for a 15-passenger van to take us on our excursions! 

Today, as we were making plans, the anticipated feeling of sadness arrived.  Nothing has changed, I’m still so excited for them, but I know that we only have three days together before they leave.  The need to make the time count is the priority.

Although I’m not always successful at it, this is in fact a good reminder. I try to live my life like this every day.  Not focusing on what’s wrong and how it could be better - but living with an attitude of thankfulness. There’s a song that talks about living like we’re dying - some people think that’s morbid, but I don’t see it that way at all.  My life is much richer as I value the people around me, live with an awareness of how fragile life is, and appreciate the blessings that I have in my life.  

Romans 15:1-2 (The Message) says,  Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status.  Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, "How can I help?"   

Kelli and John -  those words describe so perfectly to me what you are doing.  God put a need on your hearts, and instead of thinking, “Someone should do something about human trafficking,” you said, “How can we help?”  We are so proud of you and we love you.

Feelings of inadequacy...

I am relatively new to the title of “Grammy”.  

My daughters like to do things at the same time - they began this trend by getting married eight weeks apart - which was actually a lot of fun!  Kelli and John had Clara in June 2007; Mindy and Michael had Tucker in September 2007.  Kelli and John welcomed Lincoln in September 2008, so we went from no grandkids to three in 15 months!  And by the way, I didn’t think I would be one of those grammies who talked about their grandkids non-stop, but anyone who spends any time with me knows that’s not true - I am quick to tell a story of something cute they’ve done, or to pop out my laptop or iphone to show you the latest cute picture! 

I was eating lunch with one of my grammy friends the other day, and she said, “Do you ever feel like you are in competition with (the other) grandparents?”  I hadn’t really thought about it much, because I am not frequently around my grandkids’ other grandparents.  But the more I did think about it about it, I realized that if I start to do the comparison, I can feel intimidated.  On the “grammy” scale, I don’t measure up in several areas:

1. I am NOT a cook.  My grandkids will not remember me for my delicious home-cooked meals.  If I compare myself to the other grammies in their lives, I will rate in last place!  Instead, I’m likely to suggest a lovely meal out - cooking makes me nervous!
2. I am not a morning person - I am not going to be the first one awake in the house, making home-made pancakes, cinnamon rolls, etc.  Pop-tarts and cold cereal are the more likely breakfast fare.
3. I am not a seamstress, nor am I gifted in crafts.  My grandchildren will not look back fondly at the beautiful smocked outfits I made, the blankets I knitted, the incredible holidays crafts we created together.
4. I am not a scrap booker.  I do not have the latest photos of my grandkids neatly organized in keepsake volumes.  As I mentioned above, I keep their pictures on the computer, the phone, and facebook!

I can be pretty competitive, so the realization that I may not “measure up” in grammy skills is a little disheartening, and reminds me of other areas in life where I have felt like I don’t quite measure up.  No matter our age - junior high, high school, as young moms - and as GRANDMOTHERS (who would have thought it???), we want to be "winners" - but we tend to go into a room, compare ourselves to others and focus on our weaknesses, the places we don’t measure up, instead of embracing the gifts that God has given us.

God has something to say about this!  Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  God’s plan is not for us to live in a constant state of comparison.  He created each one of us individually - we are His handiwork!  

So I may not be the best cook on the block, but there are other experiences that I can share with my grandkids.  Like their grammy and pop, they all seem to have a love for music and silly dancing. And even though Clara is only three, she has definitely inherited her grammy’s love for shoes and we have already shared shopping trips where we have explored the virtues of shoes with sequins or bows!!  

At the end of the day, what I remember most about my grandmothers is not so much the things they did for me, but how much they loved me, how proud they were of me, and how much they prayed for me.  We can do those things for our children and  grandchildren. The best gift we can give our families this Christmas?  To love them, to appreciate their unique personalities, to pray for them, and to enjoy each day that we have to share with them.

Thanks for taking this journey with me!

Heroes of mine...

Everyone needs a hero or two!  I read this morning that young women desperately need role models – and what the media gives them is heiresses, addicts and emotional wrecks. Well, I have a few role model suggestions!  

My mom.  Marlene Jacobsen.  She was an awesome mother and grandmother.  She let my kids ride in the back of the pickup truck - without a seatbelt!!  But only around the block of her country neighborhood.  :)  She let one of my girls eat juice bars by the box because “that’s what she feels like eating.”  She took the girls bowling and swimming, and let them play with fuzzy caterpillars.  My mom died of breast cancer when she was 62 years old.  When she found out that cancer (previously in remission for several years) had come back, she said, “I taught you how to live, now I guess I need to teach you how to die.”  And she did.  She taught me about what is really important - not the temporary things, but the eternal things - about leaving a legacy of love.  I miss her. 

Lynn, Nell and Patty.  Although they are very busy with their families and lives, they never hesitate to take time to listen, and to give great advice.  Each of them are passionate about helping people become everything that they can be, and I love doing life with them!

Martha and Cindy.  These are two very special grandmothers to me - the bond we share is painful, because it involves the congenital heart defects of our grandchildren.  I have watched from a distance as they have dealt with situations no one would ever want to face, and they have done it with courage and with an incredible faith in God. 

At the risk of playing favorites. I have two more.  Mindy and Kelli.   They are remarkable people, and I am honored to be their mom.  More about them another day!  And Happy Birthday, Mindy!

Galatians 6:9 says, "So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up."   The common thread among my heroes is the way they have endured hardship - they haven't gotten tired of doing what is good.  That's what really makes them stand out.   That's how I want to look when I deal with difficulty.

Who are your heroes?  What makes them special to you? Take a minute to let them know - it will make their day!

Here we go!

I am at a “transitional” phase in life.  In so many areas, I find myself where I’ve never been before, and so many of my grammy/mommy friends feel that way, as well (which is actually pretty exciting, isn’t it?)  It’s much more fun to go through things with friends - which is why I’m inviting you along!  We will talk about all kinds of “grammy” things - from myths about being a grammy, to health issues, to wearing age-appropriate clothing (one of my favorites!!).  This is going to be fun!

Erwin McManus is a man who listens to God and is being used by Him to communicate in an awesome way.  I recently read a great quote by him:

We only truly come to know ourselves in the context of others. The more isolated and disconnected we are, the more shattered and distorted our self-identity. We are not healthy when we are alone. We find ourselves as we connect to others. Without community we don’t know who we are.

It’s my goal that we can share ideas, ups, downs, and at the end of the day, help each other stay connected and grow in our walk with God.  Why is that a big deal?  And why now?  Because for me, and for many of my friends, Life in the Grammy Lane is both wonderful AND painful - all at once!  Together, we can unpack the truth about Life in the Grammy Lane - things we never knew Grammies worried about until now, learning how to deal with each day with grace, but most importantly, challenge each other to see God in each situation, and to look more like Him every day!  After all, we are in the middle of leaving a legacy!

So, a little introduction.  The short version:

I am 

• a wife, married to Tony, who is truly my best friend
• a mom to the two most incredibly beautiful and gifted daughters in the world!
• a grammy/gigi to Clara, Tucker and Lincoln 
• a former paralegal, now the small groups director at our amazing church
• a daughter, step-daughter, daughter-in-law, mother-in-law, sister, cousin, niece

Those phrases help to describe me - but they don’t define me.  I’ve come to understand so clearly in the last several months that the only words that truly should define us are “Christ Follower.”  If we can get that part right, focus on Him, everything else in life will make more sense and we will be better equipped to face whatever life brings.  Really.  No pain, no illness, no disappointment, no grief, is a surprise for Him, or is too big for Him to handle.  We can rest in that knowledge.

More in days to follow!