March 23, 2014 - Suffering and Looking Ahead

"God isn’t only passively with us in our suffering; God is proactively with us in our suffering, redeeming the weight of the suffering — into the weight of glory." - Ann Voskamp

Tonight is the end of an era - an era of suffering. The hardest part of our cancer journey, the thing I feared most and asked to be spared from - chemo and the two weeks after each treatment - is over. God didn't choose to remove that part of the journey, but He has been proactively with me, redeeming the weight of suffering into the weight of glory.

Tomorrow is an exciting day - I am going back to work! Going back until April 20, when I take two more weeks off for surgery. Surgery will be fine - I can do this. And in the meantime, I get to be a part of such an exciting time as we prepare for Easter. God has perfect timing, even if I may not understand at the time. 

Thank you for your prayers for us. They have made a huge difference. 

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NIV)

March 22, 2015 - Life Fellowship West

"I was born for this time and so were you. Make the most of the opportunities God has given you!" - Christine Caine

Today was an incredible day at LF West - people connecting into lifeGROUPs, becoming members, checking out how they can plug into serving. As I read this quote tonight, I couldn't agree more - and Tony Boydand I are so thankful to be a part of what God is doing! Thank you, Patrick Conrad and Treasa Gibson Conrad, for this opportunity! Thank you to the Life Fellowship staff for everything you did to open the campus and for your continued support! 

Also thankful for all the people that God brought together to open a campus; you seized the opportunity to step out in faith and you have become family to us, as well as to all the amazing people that God is bringing to Life Fellowship!!

Maura Kelly Collins, Kenny and Nelda Brandon, Nick and Sarah Meier Toungett, Samantha Elliott and Jacob Elliott, Jim Cross and Sarah Cross, Brad Miller and Amanda Howard Miller, Dayna Dacus, Summer Leigh Stanford, Patti Clark Demers, Savannah Demers, Stevie Demers, Rick Johnston, Sam and Candace Westcot, Ed Gomez, Gary Cooper and Pam Naylor Cooper, Bill Lamar and Cherri Lamar, Skip Purdy and Monica Mann Purdy, Ronny Tucker, Dale and Stephanie McCausland Cole, Jeff Muse and Anita Cheatham Muse, Darlah Speed, Judy Bowman, Melissa Baldwin, Austin Elizabeth Canady, Amanda Nicole Mcgehee, Amanda Lee Lacy, Michael Lee Lacey and Ashton Allison Lacey, Becky Davenport Sebek, John Sebek and Aden Sebek, Luis Cruz and Amanda Cruz, Kevin and Julie Flynn, Tom and Trisha Brumbelow, Hiram Agner and Becky Thomas Agner , Wanda Koonce Moore, Joey Kelso and Wendy Mathews Kelso, Shawn Rash, Dennis Jess Adams, Jay and Lisa Spinelli, David Kolb and Beth Patch Kolb, April Joyner Kinsey and Andrew Kinsey, Tina and Steven Woody.

March 21, 2015 - Chemo Update

I've had an interesting 24 hours! Last night, I was watching tv and the faces started looking weird. Then I looked at Tony and Tucker and their faces looked different! Sort of like when you are playing on photo booth on a Mac and distorting the center of the picture. 

I called the doctor on call at West Clinic and they said I should try to get in at my eye doctor's office today. The eye doctor had me come in, and they diagnosed me with macular edema - basically fluid retention at the back of my eye. They said they have seen it with my chemo meds. They said it was also starting in my other eye. They said If I wasn't already finished with my chemo, they would recommend changing to other chemo meds. I am so glad that I am already finished, and praying that the fluid comes off quickly so this goes away. 

Thank you for your prayers! Other than that, I am doing well and really looking forward to being at LF West tomorrow morning!!  smile emoticon

March 21, 2015 - Entitled

Just read these quotes and they really struck a chord with me. 

"A sense of entitlement is a cancerous thought process that is void of gratitude and can be deadly to our relationships."

"Beware: It is a quick transition from a nourishing sense of gratitude to a poisonous sense of entitlement." Steve Mariboli

In our jobs, in our serving in the community, in our family relationships - in our health - we can develop a sense of entitlement without being conscious of it. That is a slippery slope - we may not mean it, but our dissatisfaction is, in a way, saying "God, you messed up. I deserve way better than this." Not remembering that He sees the big picture and may have more in store than just happy feelings for us!! 

I want to always have a sense of thankfulness for whatever I have and wherever I find myself!!

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!" Philippians 2:5-8

March 20, 2015 - Choosing JOY

Funny how something happens, and the most unlikely "solution" makes all the difference in the outcome of a story. 

In our case, it was breast cancer. I have had the typical treatments to deal with it, but the most effective medicine in dealing with cancer has without a doubt been choosing joy. Some of the most unlikely "favorite days" of this journey:

* Choosing joy on double mastectomy day, complete with hilarious FB posts of all our "thumbs up" friends. 

* Choosing joy on chemo days by dressing up like we were on the way to a party. 

* Choosing joy as my hair fell out, refusing to let temporary baldness confine us to home. 

In choosing joy, and in choosing to cling to God as our source, He has given us such supernatural strength. This has truly been a peaceful, joy-filled journey. 

Choosing JOY doesn't just apply to cancer. Joy is such a powerful weapon to fight the lies of satan, no matter what we are facing, whether huge, or smaller but intensely frustrating. I have seen people freaking out at restaurants just because the waiter forgets to bring bread out! That's sad! And it's not what's best. Joy is by far the better option.

March 17, 2015 - Chemo Update

Tomorrow is a week since my final chemo, and my heart is so full of thanks.

I am so thankful for God's hand of protection physically and spiritually - I am tired, but I am not sick, and we are peaceful. This journey has given me such a clear perspective on what is truly important, and given me opportunities to reflect and express appreciation, rather than just racing through life. 

And what has happened as I have laid things aside and focused on blessings? I am watching over and over as God moves people into new areas of leadership, and I can encourage them and cheer them on. At the same time, God is showing me just a glimpse of new things that He has planned for me to do, and that is exciting. 

As we let go of the things we hold so tightly to, God can use us in ways we never would have anticipated. I have never been more excited about a season of life than the one that is ahead - not only for Tony and me, but the one that is ahead for our family in the things that God has called them to, in what God has planned for Life Fellowship Church, and in what God has planned for His Kingdom, locally and globally! As Christ followers, we are on the same team, and God has plans greater than we can imagine!! 

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story— those he redeemed from the hand of the foe... Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." (Psalm 107:1-2, 4-9 NIV)

March 16, 2015 - The "No Hair" post

"Pretty... involves primping and painting and covering over so as to be acceptable in society's eyes. Beauty, on the other hand, is what is truly and naturally there, often [revealed] through suffering." - Kara Tippetts

I thought that someday, I would post a picture of me with no hair. Not because of the shock value but because this is our life right now - it is part of our journey. Thankful for a husband who says, "I wish you could see yourself like I see you." And for daughters who don't care if I suddenly pull my wig off to scratch my itchy head. I am blessed. 

March 14, 2015 - Chemo Update

Today has been a tough day - but the good news is, it's almost the end of the day! Tony got us Dairy Queen for dinner. A Butterfinger Blizzard was the perfect meal!! Thanks so much for all the prayers and encouragement. We always have a choice. Keep choosing JOY!

Shout with joy to the LORD, all the earth! Worship the LORD with gladness. Come before him, singing with joy. Acknowledge that the LORD is God! He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation. (Psalms 100:1-5 NLT)

March 13, 2015 - Chemo Update

It is the Friday after chemo. Usually by now, I am feeling pretty rough physically. Tonight, I am tired and my brain feels a little fuzzy, but I am not sick. I wanted BBQ for dinner - and Tony made a Corky's run for a delicious meal! Thankful for God's hand of protection, peace and strength!!

"I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety. You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever." (Psalms 16:8-9, 11 NLT)

March 11, 2015 - Recap

What a day!! God has been with us, and we have never felt so covered in prayer as we have today. Our family and friends have once again been His hands extended, and we are so grateful. Thank you for encouraging me through my fear, for celebrating good news with us. We are so very blessed. 

This verse has been one of the memory stones of this journey; reading it tonight, I am crying with tears of JOY at the unmerited favor that God has shown, and I am praying for the new sisters that God has brought into my life who are bravely walking on this journey. Specifically praying tonight for Belinda Enochs Sweet, Pamela Johnson Haynes, Pamela Blevins and Cara Buchanan Evans. You are so strong and I am honored to call you friends!!

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.

If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. (Psalms 91:1-6, 9-11 NLT)

March 11, 2015 - Chemo #4 Upodate

Everything is going well. They aren't going to start scheduling PET scans because they don't have any reason to think cancer has spread, now that I've had chemo and the double mastectomy, and they get false positives on scans that stress people unnecessarily for this type cancer. I totally am good with that!! 

I will come back in three weeks to check blood work and to start hormone therapy. Then they will release me back to my doctors!! Yay!! We are thrilled. The scary part really does feel over!! 

Thank you so much for all your prayers and encouraging words. You truly have held our arms up and helped us get through a stressful day, and we are grateful!!

March 11, 2015 - Another Roller Coaster Ride

Tonight has been a long night - I am thinking steroids have contributed, but tonight has turned into tomorrow and I haven't been asleep yet! It's fitting, I guess; before I started chemo, I felt that I was riding a roller coaster of emotions, and the roller coaster showed up again tonight, as we prepare for the last day of chemo.

It has been up and down. A great day on Tuesday, followed by an emotionally packed night. I am so tired, but my brain will not turn off. I know what to expect of chemo infusion, but I don't know what we will hear when we sit down with the doctor. Will we leave with the prescription for the new cancer fighting med? Will we have the appointment set for the first PET scan after chemo? I am excited to be finished, but we have no idea what life after chemo really looks like. Feelings are running rampant, up and down - and I DO know that I will look rough for my "last day of chemo" picture if I don't get some sleep!!  smile emoticon

I have said before that this battle is as much (if not more) spiritual and emotiobal as it is physical. Late tonight/this morning, I decided it was time to call on some of our many friends who have prayed for us. I sent some quick emails asking specifically for a peaceful time at chemo, and a recovery that brings honor to God. I know that He hears those prayers!! 

It's once again time to choose truth over facts:

1). God is not surprised by the things that happen in our lives, and He can use them for His Glory If we let Him.
2). God has an incredible plan for our lives, and we can trust His plan.
3). Joy is more powerful than fear - and we need to CHOOSE JOY!!

Thankful for these words today!!

You hear me when I call, You are my morning song
Though darkness fills the night, It cannot hide the light
Whom shall I fear?

You crush the enemy, Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield, Though trouble lingers still
Whom shall I fear?

I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies is always by my side
The One who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies is always by my side

And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I'm holding on to Your promises
You are faithful, You are faithful

"In his kindness, God called you to share in His eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation. All power to Him forever! Amen." (1 Peter 5:10-11 NLT). Thank you, Brook Hale, for sharing this verse with me!!

Thanks for taking this journey with us, and for your prayers today and this week!

March 10, 2015 - Countdown

Less than 36 hours until the last chemo. My appointment is on Wednesday at 8:30am. Hard to believe we're here - but we are!!

I have felt great since Friday, and we have really enjoyed the last four days. We've seen friends, had a sleepover with Tucker on Friday and a sleepover with Clara tonight, I got to be at LF West on Sunday, we have rearranged furniture, taken walks - all the "normal" things that we can so easily take for granted. And after gaining 35 pounds, I LOST weight this week!! Yay!! Thank you to everybody who has prayed for us and encouraged us. 

I have lots of plans for this spring: to spend time with family and friends, to co-lead a lifeGROUP beginning the end of March, to be a part of our Easter celebration at LF West, and to have my hair grow back!! I am ready to be back to a more normal routine, but I am so thankful for the things that God has showed us along the way, and I never want to forget them. Who would have thought that this journey would teach me so much about JOY?? 

One more chemo, one more recovery, one more surgery. We can do this. I definitely understand it doesn't mean the cancer journey is over - I will be on daily meds for at least five years, will have ongoing scans and blood work - but being finished with this part will be a HUGE milestone! 

Thanks for your continued prayers!!

"Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up." (Proverbs 12:25 NLT)

March 4, 2015 - Chemo Reflections

A week from now, I will be finished with chemo. I will be entering the "after-chemo" time, which can be challenging, but nevertheless, I will be finished with chemo, and that will be awesome!!

Lots of people have "no mo chemo" celebrations, and I think that is great - but I am not planning to do that. One lesson I have learned is that we don't know what is coming around the corner. I never want to go through chemo again, and I am thinking that if I walk away quietly, rather than shaking my fist in its face, my odds are better that I won't be back there again. smile emoticon So I will give chemo the respect that it is due, will pray that it has accomplished its mission, and will close the door on this chapter in our life. 

I am a reflective person, and like to look back and think about what I have learned on this part of the journey. I have learned that worry accomplishes nothing, that I am not in control, and that life without joy is very empty. No matter what we face, there are positive things to find along the way. Joy makes a huge difference - but it is not joy based on what is happening around us, is not a joy that we can manufacture. The only real source of joy is found in the peace, security and strength that God alone gives. What I am finding is that the things we think matter, don't matter as much as we think. Our relationships with our friends and family, and with our Heavenly Father, are the only things that remain. I have gotten to know God my Father on a deeper level, and I have learned that no matter what the future holds, He will be with me. 

No one wants to have cancer. No one wants to deal with illness, pain and loss. But when we do come to that point in our lives, there is nothing to fear. We come out of the fire so much stronger, so much wiser, so much more grateful for each blessing. He is with us, and He is a good God. 

Thank you for walking with us on this journey. Thank you especially to Tony, Mindy and Kelli for taking such good care of me - I love you!!  smile emoticon Thank you to each person who has prayed for us, texted us, sent us a card or gift or meal. Thank you to people who have lightened the load at work, who have given medical advice, who have shared stories of similar experiences, who have celebrated, laughed and cried with us. You have made the journey so much sweeter, and we love you. 

"Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy, for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now. And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (Philippians 1:3-6 NLT)

March 3, 2015 - He's Been Faithful

I love how time and time again, at just the right moment, God brings to mind an old song that I haven't heard in forever, and the words express exactly what I am feeling!

In my moments of fear
Through every pain and every tear
There's a God who's been faithful to me 
When my strength was all gone
When my heart had no song
Still in love, He's proved faithful to me
Every word He's promised is true
What I thought was impossible, I've seen my God do

He's been faithful, faithful to me
Looking back, His love and mercy I see
In my heart, I have questioned
Even failed to believe
But He's been faithful, faithful to me

March 3, 2015

The point of the storm isn't to prove your faith; it's to prove His faithfulness." Steven Furtick

March 1, 2015 - Two Steps Back

Today has been a "two steps back" kind of day. After feeling normal for a few days, and having plans for a fun day today, I hit a wall and crashed. Nausea, serious fatigue and joint pain. At times like this, satan would like to come in with major discouragement - but he didn't win. So thankful for a God who walks with us - and if needed, carries us - through the difficult days. Better days are ahead. I can't control the day but I can control my response. I am choosing joy. smile emoticon

Whatever you are going through - don't give up. Keep moving forward. Thankful for my friends on this journey. 

March 1, 2015

Fear = an emotional outburst of unbelief. Beth Moore

No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:5-9 NIV)

February 28, 2015 - Bella Santorum

Just watched an interview of Rick and Karen Santorum with their daughter, Bella, who was born with Trisomy 18. He talked about how Bella is totally helpless and dependent and the only thing she can give is love. 

He compared that to us - we are totally helpless and dependent and can do nothing for God except love Him - and that's all He wants. 

Wow. That puts things in perspective.

February 27, 2015 - Weight!

I have officially reached the same weight I was when I gave birth to my children - a fun side effect of my chemo. smile emoticon What can you do?? 

When the going gets tough, the tough CHOOSE JOY - and go shopping!!  smile emoticon