July 22, 2015 - Emotions

This last week, I have been very emotional. I've been physically tired, and that definitely has an effect on coping ability. I also think that as we move away from cancer treatment, my mind is moving from "fight" mode to more reflection on everything that's happened. And it is a little overwhelming.

Major surgeries. Chemo. Losing my hair. An eye surgery and 12 days of "face down" time.

All of those things happened. And as they happened, we had an army of people praying for us and loving us. God has been with us. Looking back, that part of our journey is overwhelming, too! Our family has been incredible (I love our girls and their families so much - they are such a blessing!). Our church family - starting with our friends and pastors, Patrick and Treasa, have been amazing in every way.

So for now - I am overwhelmed and thankful. Sorting things out. Processing and regrouping. If you happen to see me and I cry and hug you, know that it is because I love you and I'm thankful for you in our lives!!

“The LORD replied, “I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.” Then Moses said, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place.” Exodus 33:14-15 NLT

July 13, 2015 - A Little Time Away

Today has been so fun!! The first day of a few days away, and the first trip we have taken since we went on a delightful trip to Northern California last July, one year ago.

One year ago. A lot has happened in one year!

I found a picture from our vacation last year, and when I put it next to a picture from today, I felt a little sad. Sad because this year has aged me. Sad for the me of last summer; she had no idea what was ahead.

Tony showed me a picture today that he took when I came out of eye surgery in April. I was face down and bald. Funny thing - when I looked at the me in that picture, I felt so much better! That might seem strange - but the picture reminded me of so many things that God has taught me this past year. How I had an opportunity to rest after the eye surgery. Of how far we've come - through some difficult days. Of the mercy He has shown us. Of all the blessings He has given us. Of how people have loved us and prayed for us.

Perspective is important. Seeing the good in the hard times is valuable. God is with us, every step of the way.

“Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.”

Psalms 143:8 NLT

July 8, 2015 - Just Keep Swimming!

First of all, an end-of-the-post spoiler. I am healthy and fine!!

I went to the doctor last Friday and they decided that I needed to have a "stat MRI" on my brain. The purpose was to make sure I didn't have any brain lesions or tumors.

Due to the July 4th holiday, they couldn't schedule the MRI until Monday. That was fine with me. The weekend was busy and fun and I didn't give it a whole lot of thought - until time for the MRI. My mind suddenly started running 1000 miles an hour - and none of the thoughts were particularly positive.

From the MRI until I got the "all clear" call this afternoon, I experienced a level of fear that I haven't had through this entire journey. I did my best to control my thoughts, but didn't do really well with it. I prayed for peace but it didn't suddenly envelope me. And my coping skills seem much less sharp than in the past!

From what friends with "experience" have told me, it's not unusual for people post-cancer to have lots of tests in the first year - everything is treated with more caution. But when you have been through surgery, chemo, etc., it is difficult to maintain composure and a positive attitude when faced with the possibility of more bad news.

I am thankful for praying friends and a husband and daughters who are calm and loving. For the comfort of the Bible. For a Heavenly Father who has my days planned and who loves me more than I can possibly comprehend. And I see the value of keeping life normal - to "Just Keep Swimming" - even if it means you occasionally need a time out to compose yourself!

Life after cancer - it is filled with blessings and difficulties, just like life before cancer! And we all get to choose our focus.

July 3, 2015 - It's the Little Things!

Yesterday, a momentous event occurred. I felt the wind blowing THROUGH my hair. It was an amazing feeling.

I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. (Psalms 121:1-3 NLT)

July 1, 2015 - My Mom

July 3rd will mark 20 years since our mom/grandma passed away. In some ways, it feels like yesterday. In others, it seems so long ago. I miss her but I am thankful for the legacy that she left.

I wish that we could experience things together, but I have a feeling she knows what's going on around here.

She loved her children unconditionally, and loved her grandchildren fiercely. She would be so proud of the incredible adults that they are today - all six of them! They are smart, caring, and are concerned about more than just their own personal comfort. They reach out to love the people around them - even when it hurts and even when it's not easy. They are a lot like their grandma.

She would absolutely love spending time with her great grandchildren, and they would love spending time with her. She always had the most exciting adventures planned - riding in the back of the pickup truck, eating as many Popsicles as they could hold, bowling, swimming, looking at bugs in her garden. She could make everything magical. Many of her great grandchildren share her love of reading and possess excellent "language skills" (one of her favorite phrases). She was a teacher, and it is amazing how many educators are now in our family!

My biggest fear when mom passed away was that she would be forgotten. 20 years later, she is still with us in so many ways, and I am thankful for the blessing of her life and influence! Love you, Mom!!

June 28, 2015 - Falling Down! :)

I did the welcome with Tony this morning - as I was coming down the stairs off the platform, my shoe caught and I fell down the stairs. Awesome! I stood up and curtsied. it's okay to fall - just gotta get back up again!!