First of all, an end-of-the-post spoiler. I am healthy and fine!!
I went to the doctor last Friday and they decided that I needed to have a "stat MRI" on my brain. The purpose was to make sure I didn't have any brain lesions or tumors.
Due to the July 4th holiday, they couldn't schedule the MRI until Monday. That was fine with me. The weekend was busy and fun and I didn't give it a whole lot of thought - until time for the MRI. My mind suddenly started running 1000 miles an hour - and none of the thoughts were particularly positive.
From the MRI until I got the "all clear" call this afternoon, I experienced a level of fear that I haven't had through this entire journey. I did my best to control my thoughts, but didn't do really well with it. I prayed for peace but it didn't suddenly envelope me. And my coping skills seem much less sharp than in the past!
From what friends with "experience" have told me, it's not unusual for people post-cancer to have lots of tests in the first year - everything is treated with more caution. But when you have been through surgery, chemo, etc., it is difficult to maintain composure and a positive attitude when faced with the possibility of more bad news.
I am thankful for praying friends and a husband and daughters who are calm and loving. For the comfort of the Bible. For a Heavenly Father who has my days planned and who loves me more than I can possibly comprehend. And I see the value of keeping life normal - to "Just Keep Swimming" - even if it means you occasionally need a time out to compose yourself!
Life after cancer - it is filled with blessings and difficulties, just like life before cancer! And we all get to choose our focus.
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