August 27, 2015 - Kindred Spirits and a Haircut!

This week, a very special thing happened. I got my hair cut (well... trimmed!) and colored! smile emoticon It is first time I've been at my friend Amanda's salon since January. 

30 weeks ago, she cut off the bulk of the hair remaining on my head. It was not a very fun time for any of us. A lot has happened since then. This week, we closed the door on another chapter of this story, with a heart full of thankfulness. I am feeling more like myself. It's easy to smile and be joyful this week. 

Life is more normal, but a lot has changed inside me. I am so much more aware of people who are on this journey. The thing I feared the most - chemo - is the common bond with so many. And although everyone has a different story, we are kindred spirits and my life is enriched because of them. 

In our message at church this past weekend, we talked about how God uses storms in our lives. I can say without a doubt that God has used this storm to change me for the better. I see His hand in so many small details of the past year, and I am thankful for His hand of peace and protection!

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.” Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV

August 13, 2015 - Eye Update

I went back to my regular eye doctor today to follow up with eye issues. 

The good news: I don't have (clinical, progressive) macular degeneration!! smile emoticon

The not as good news: I have deterioration of the macula in my "good" eye. It was there this spring but is more deteriorated now, and will either get better on its own or become a macular hole (which is what led to surgery/face down time). We just need to watch it. 

In other news - I have a cataract in my "surgery" eye which will eventually need to come out. In the meantime, I will have trouble with distance vision. Knowing why that is happening and how it can be resolved makes me feel SO much better!!

All in all - it was a great visit. With both eyes, there are issues - but they will either improve naturally or there will be a surgical intervention, which will ultimately improve my eyesight. That is a win all around!

Thankful for an excellent doctor who has been such a huge help to us and who always takes the time to explain things!!  smile emoticon

August 4, 2015 - Trust

You ever notice how Facebook asks "what's on your mind?" Well, thanks for asking, Facebook!! Here you go!!  smile emoticon

I woke up a few minutes ago with my eyes on my mind. The idea of an ongoing problem with my eyes has rattled me. I wasn't thrilled about having cancer but I adjusted to it. I had an easy time believing that God had the whole situation under control. Even finding out last Friday that I had to have another surgery wasn't earth-shattering. I can deal with that, no big deal! 

When I first had issues with my eye in March and eye surgery in April, it didn't occur to me that I could have ongoing eye problems. (As a side note - I have an incredible team of eye doctors; they are very proactive and have done an awesome job of taking care of my eyes). My biggest concern was sitting with my head down for awhile - which turned out okay!  smile emoticon

But the diagnosis this week is different. Harder. Not reversible, with the possibility of getting worse. I never thought about having chronic eye problems. I think I took good vision for granted. Having vision problems in my good eye is, honestly, frightening. After all, you only have two! This latest development has made me cry - quite a bit. And worry about the future. 

That's when He reminds me, over and over, through His word, through a song, through something I read, that He is sovereign and that He has a plan. Today when I left the doctor's office, I was very sad. The thought went through my mind, "If God's plan for you was to not be able to see, would you trust Him?" I can say that I would - but I would probably be asking Him a lot of questions. smile emoticon

So tonight when I woke up, this is what I read. I had actually posted it a year ago. It was written by a high school friend of mine who went through a really tough medical time a few years ago. It spoke to me, just like so many other similar writings have spoken to me in the past week:

"Rather than praying for soft or hard, easy or difficult, I believe that the better prayer is that we would experience God in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. I’m wondering today if I spend too much energy praying to God about my circumstances, and too little seeking to hear from Him in the midst of my circumstances... We get lulled to sleep by good times or in such a hurry to get out of hard times that we fail to look for Him at all times. I’m calling us—myself included—to give heed to hearing the voice of God in the midst of the storm or calm. We can always go back to our “God change this” petitions, but for a few days perhaps we’d be better to spend less time telling Him what He should do and more time asking Him what He is already doing." - John Stumbo

I am thankful for a God that understands through our confusion and who loves us no matter what. Who comforts us when we are sad and who loves us enough to walk us through what we need to help us grow!!

"The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 (NLT)

August 3, 2015

Trust in God isn’t a thin hope in some not very sure outcome. Hope in God is rather a present investment in a future guarantee. What God says will be done. What God has promised will come to pass. His word is reliable because in his grace he wants to bless us, and in his power he has the ability to do anything he has promised to do. 

You place yourself in the hands of a sovereign God of grace who knows exactly what you need, when you need it, how you need it, and where you will need it... No, you won’t always understand what he is doing, and you will be tempted to think that he has gotten his timing wrong, but the more you entrust your life to him, the more you will experience his faithful grace again and again. Paul David Tripp

August 1, 2015 - Love How God Speaks to Us!.

"The idea of bittersweet is changing the way I live, unraveling and reweaving the way I understand life. Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness... When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow." Shauna Niequist

"For the one who is hurting, you are getting impatient with God’s slow response time to your prayer for healing. For the one who is working with all your strength at a job that appears to be fading – you may think God isn’t keeping track of your real needs – but He is. He is doing more than counting hairs on heads and falling sparrows today – He sees and He knows. A bit of patience, mixed with a sincere dose of humility, topped by a pouring of honest trust in the character of God expressed in His Word is exactly what we need." Randall Smith

July 31, 2015 - Winding Road

Today has been a wonderful day! We got together for a delightful "early anniversary" dinner. It was delicious! Then we hung out on the Peabody roof for a little while as the sun was setting. The weather was perfect and the view was beautiful. 

Earlier today, I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon. Follow-up surgeries are sometimes needed after reconstruction, and by the end of the appointment, we were making arrangements for surgery. That will be happening in early October. I'm not overly concerned, but another surgery and recovery in 2015 hadn't really been on my radar. 

This weekend, we will have a fun time including getting to see everybody at LF Church - one of the best parts of the week! 

Monday, we head back to the eye doctor for an angiogram of my eye to see what's up. 

A winding road. That's what this week has been. Things I LOVE and things unexpected. Life is like that. We do not always know what's around the next corner - but we are NEVER alone on this journey. As unexpected things have happened, God's peace and presence has increased. What used to feel like a roller coaster, now feels like a winding road. It is all about perspective!! And I intend to sit back and enjoy the view. 

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” Romans 5:3-5 MSG

July 29, 2015 - Eye Update

I was back at the eye surgeon's office today. I've noticed that my eyes have been more blurry - but hadn't really narrowed down the problem. As they explored what was going on, it became apparent that I was having issues with my "good" eye with similar symptoms to what started out the adventure with my other eye in March. 

The doctor suspects it is related to macular edema and is going to do additional testing on Monday to determine if there is fluid "leaking" in my eye. Hmmmm. 

He said that it doesn't appear to be a surgical issue. Yay!! Considering how quickly my eye went from "let's watch" to "let's do surgery" last time (less than a week), it does make me a little uneasy. 

It's interesting how your perspective changes. Last time we heard news like this, it was jarring. Alarming. This time (and again, no one is saying surgery) our reactions were sort of funny:

Tony said, "At least you're not bald this time." smile emoticon
I said, "I'm not afraid of the recovery. It WAS very relaxing."

While we aren't worrying about surgery, it is hard to deal with increasing vision problems / blurred vision in both eyes. 

So we will wait for Monday and another test. 

And in the meantime, life goes on and I will NOT waste the days worrying and wondering. God is in control of this journey and He knows what I need. I am thankful for His joy, for His peace that passes understanding and for His constant presence in our lives!!  smile emoticon

“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure trials for a little while.” 1 Peter 1:6 NLT