Thank you??

Less than a week to chemo, and I have found myself getting a little nervous.  Even though I think that I am a "former" control freak, the fact that I have very little control over my life - and schedule - for the next few weeks is testing my resolve a little!  :)

Today as I was praying, I felt like I needed to say "Thank you" to God for this storm.  Not to be a martyr, patiently enduring what is happening, and not to just ask for God's protection, but to say, "Thank you for bringing me here."  My initial reaction was definitely to push back, thinking hey, I'm doing pretty good to just maintain composure and be nice, but saying thanks???

I'm pretty sure "all circumstances" would apply to my situation when Paul says, "Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." (I Thessalonians 5:16-18 NLT). There is no small asterisk there that lists cancer as an exempted item.

In ALL circumstances.  So if I truly believe that God is not surprised by this, then even though I can't see it at the moment, God sees the bigger picture and knows that there is VALUE to this journey.  Lessons that I wouldn't learn any other way.  That is actually pretty exciting - to think that whatever God is teaching me is WORTH the unknowns, sadness and frustrations of this time.  

I read a great quote by Darlene Zschech, a worship leader who went through a battle with breast cancer in the past year:

Through this journey I am discovering again and again, that no matter how dark your darkest day may be, God holds you.  Even at the bottom of the deepest pit, He is still there, calming you reassuring you that He is still in control.  I lean into this truth every day and in and through this, the miracles I am finding are amazing me.  They are - if we choose to see them.... I have found that when the business of the “ordinary” is brought to a stand still, what we are able to hear is amazing.

I want to be listening.