Calm and Chemo

Life feels very calm right now. No doctor visits this week - no one poking, asking questions, running tests.  It is awesome - so much more "normal."  I looked back at the calendar and this is the first week since I was diagnosed that I don't have any medical appointments.  Yay!!

Next week, back at it with a new chapter. Chemo. I found out yesterday what my meds will be.  After consulting with my own personal "cancer board" (thankful for friends who have experience in this area, whether as a patient or a healthcare provider), the phrases I am holding onto sound like this:

"You'll do great."
"It's not the easiest chemo, but it's not the hardest either."
"You're in good hands."

The words I back away from?  Scary stories about chemo and cancer and surgery.  Even if they are factually accurate accounts. You know why?  It does nothing to help us on this journey. But I haven't always looked at things from that perspective.

I am a pretty analytical person - looking at the facts and determining the outcome of situations. Being realistic. Worrying. Sometimes going to bed at night, literally worrying because I was afraid I was forgetting something important that I needed to worry about. (??? - did you follow that???)  When you have that much on your mind, it's hard to be upbeat. Come on, it's not easy to be joyful when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders!! I'm sure some of you can relate.  But we choose to take on that weight. God has never asked us to do that. 

When our grandson, Tucker, was born, he had heart issues that kept him in the hospital for 5 weeks; while he was there, he had 2 open heart surgeries, numerous other procedures, and was on ECMO for several days.  And if you don't know what ECMO is, you can google it - what it has to say is enough to make anyone worry!  

I spent most of the first 5 weeks of his life in Dallas with T and his parents and when I came home, I was overwhelmed with worry. I told God that He was going to have to help me or I would need to go on some extremely strong tranquilizer to cope!!  But when I came to that moment, God used the scariest, most painful time in our lives to show me how pointless it is to worry.  How being "realistic" and knowing the "facts" is of very little value. These verses were life-changing for me:

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Luke 12:25

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?"  Matthew 6:27

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” - Matthew 11:28-30

So next week is chemo.  And I have a choice to make.  I can read everything I can about chemo and chemo meds and possible side effects and worry - or I can choose to believe that I will do great, that it's not the easiest chemo but it's not the hardest, either, that I am in good hands.

As we get ready for chemo next week, I am so thankful for the peace and rest that God makes available to us.  Thank you for your prayers for us!