December 18, 2014 - Not What I Had Planned

I went back today for the follow up visit with the oncologist. When we saw him before, it was looking pretty unlikely that I would need chemo, but they wanted to do more testing. Today, I thought that I would be in and out, taking my prescription with me for a follow-up daily pill, and basically be finished! You may be able to tell where this is going.... 

I will be starting chemo on January 7th; I'll have four treatments, three weeks apart. My doctor gave me that news as kindly as possible. Then he said, "And I'm sorry, but your hair will fall out." 

I am honestly not worried about the treatment; I have handled a lot of medical issues in the past several years, and I will be okay. It's the losing my hair that made me cry. And the fact that I am having chemo two weeks after my grand baby is born... that made me cry. And the fact that I am having chemo four days before our new campus, Life Fellowship West, opens... that made me cry.

After a brief pity party with my sweet daughters and husband, and encouragement from some amazing friends, I am back on track. We thought we were almost finished with the journey, but that's not the case and we need to regroup. I find the best way to do that is to go back to the beginning, remembering what God told me before, and continuing to hold onto and believe that. I will never forget how God ministered to me through a devotional the first day of this journey, early on Thursday, Oct. 16; they were the words that I would need to cling to later that day, and they're what I believe and cling to now:

"When we look continually in faith to Jesus, not at our circumstances, we will find a tranquility within, no matter what is happening around us." 

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. (Isaiah 26:3 NKJV)

God isn't surprised by this, we WILL glorify Him in this journey (even if I don't have hair!), we are so blessed to have both our girls and their families so close by, and God has the most incredible plan for Life Fellowship West - which isn't dependent on if I can be as involved in its launch as I had hoped and planned. He is big enough to handle the future, and we are trusting Him!