November 28, 2014 - Choosing Truth, Not Feelings

Today has been a hard day. After doing pretty well for several weeks, today I am tired of this path and I would prefer to have my regular life back. Nothing bad has happened today, but I can tend to have high expectations. I had allowed myself two weeks of "sick time" following surgery, and then wanted to be back on track.  And I'm not back to normal. 

I am tired, I am not sure what the next few months look like, and I don't feel so hot.  I want to be thinking about our new grandbaby and the launch of our new campus and holiday festivities with family and friends.  Instead, I'm thinking about what happens at the appointment with the oncologist on Monday, wondering how long it will be until the next surgery, concerned about what life will be like when I'm taking tamoxifen or whatever meds they have me take on a long-term basis. 

But the truth is, I have so much to be thankful for - including good results from surgery. I am thankful for our family and friends - for wonderful daughters and the most incredible husband who takes care of me and tells me that I'm doing great and that I look pretty, even though I haven't washed my hair and have no make up on. 

I guess days like this are to be expected. And even when my feelings aren't where they should be, I am determined that tomorrow will be better. I am going to choose the truth - all of the promises and comfort that God has for us in this time. I just found the most incredible devotion on a blog called "Devotions for Cancer Survivors."  It applies to me, but it also applies to any of us who are in a place of weakness. I needed to read this tonight and I hope that it encourages someone else!

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

"God, in His infinite wisdom, does not usually give us detailed descriptions of how He is planning to carry out His perfect plan for our lives. Instead, He asks us to trust that He knows what He is doing. He created us, He loves us, and He promises to protect and provide for us every moment of every day. He will give us all the information that we need when we need it, not a moment too soon nor a moment too late. He will give us all the grace we need to endure our trials when we need it, not a moment too soon nor a moment too late. His timing is always perfect. His plan is always for our good. The future is God’s job, not ours. All He asks is that we trust Him, rest in Him, allow Him to comfort us, believe in His promises, and wait for Him. It sounds so easy, but even those simple tasks are impossible for me without His grace."

I know that tomorrow will be better!