It is less than a week until Chemo #3. My chemo treatments are three weeks apart, to allow time for blood and platelet counts to rebound. Chemo #1 recovery was quick; I felt back to normal within about a week, but recovery from Chemo #2 has been slower. I have been much more tired, my mouth had sores and food tasted funny for at least twice as long, and I have had many more aches than the first time. I had an appointment this week with one of my doctors, who said that is to be expected; that there is a cumulative aspect to this, and it is normal for recovery from each treatment to take a little longer. There is definitely light at the end of the "treatment tunnel" - but it is a little ways down the road.
I am so blessed to be on staff at Life Fellowship, working with not only my husband, but with our long-time friends (who are like family), Patrick and Treasa Conrad, and a "houseful" of incredible staff. Since the day I was diagnosed, these people have prayed for us and encouraged us in so many ways, have laughed and cried with me, and have picked up the slack when I couldn't do all the things that I would like to do. And when I emailed (emailing was preferable to a face to face conversation, because I would have been crying!) Pastor Patrick this week to say "I think it's time to take a leave of absence," he was supportive of my plan. As I said, I am blessed, and I am thankful for an incredible boss who is also my pastor.
One of the things that we try to focus on with our staff is to "do the things that only you can do." Everyone isn't supposed to do everything; God has gifted each of us with specific abilities, and we need to be able to recognize what only we can do, and what others are gifted to do.
I will be back at Life Fellowship before long, but In this season, at this point, I need to temporarily put some things down. I am the only one who (with God's help and the support of so many) can finish the story of this journey through cancer. I am the only one who can "choose joy" for my day. I am the only one who can be "Grammy" to Clara, Linc, Bonnie and Graham, and "Gigi" to Tucker - yes, I answer to whatever name my grandkids want to give me. smile emoticon I am the only wife that Tony has, the only mom that Mindy and Kelli have, and I need to focus my energy there, as I continue to fight this fight. And when I have more energy, God is showing me that He has more plans for things that only I can do, and I am excited for the future!
There is a danger for all of us if we fail to recognize our limitations - if we try to be everywhere, doing everything for everyone all the time. We dilute our effectiveness, we get tired, and we can quit moving forward in the most important area of all - our walk with God. It's difficult to choose joy each day if we are exhausted, if we have misdirected our energy. And it's an illusion to think that we will stay in one place; if we quit moving forward in our walk with God, we are in a state of decline. And that is a most dangerous place to be.
I have felt since the beginning of this journey that God is teaching me things, and then He is saying, "This isn't all about you, and it isn't all about cancer. Someone else needs to hear this, too." So if you are reading this and something catches your attention, it's my prayer that you will listen - I truly believe that it is God, prompting us to take stock, to do the things that only we can do, and to continue to move forward in that most important relationship with Him. He is with us, He has a plan for each of us, and He will use our lives to bring Him glory, if we allow Him to lead us.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV)
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