February 9, 2015 - Looking Back and Ahead

t has been almost four months since I was diagnosed with cancer. Maybe it's because I hadn't felt sick, but there are times when it still seems very surreal. This morning, I was awake for about 10-15 minutes before I remembered! Then I happened to touch my head. "Oh yes. I am bald." 

smile emoticon

I have had the honor of becoming acquainted with several courageous ladies who are also dealing with cancer. Today, one of them was talking about feeling alone, and how suddenly your life is so different from everyone around you. I can absolutely relate. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through this without faith in God and all the support from friends and family, but it can still be a lonely journey. 

It's a lot to process - diagnosis, treatment and future. As I get closer to another chemo day, my brain says, "Let's just skip chemo; time to wake up from this crazy dream and get back to my real life." Then the logical part of my brain says that I have to do this because I had cancer, and replays everything that has happened. And the future? I am learning to not plan too far ahead when it comes to treatment and what happens next. 

So cool to remember THIS part of the journey: That God woke me up at 3am on October 16th and gave me "memory stones" to look back on during this season. The words are not complicated, and provide all the answers and the comfort that I need - if I choose to focus on their truth, rather than googling words like "vascular invasion" to try to determine my future prognosis!

"When we look continually in faith to Jesus, not at our circumstances, we will find a tranquility within, no matter what is happening around us."

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. (Isaiah 26:3 NKJV)

God, I'm asking you to help me and my friends and family who are struggling, whether it is with illness or financial or relational difficulty. Help us to remember that you will keep us in perfect peace if we will choose to keep our minds stayed on you and trust in you. Help us to focus on the source of our strength, rather than wasting our energy on trying to sort out and understand and control our circumstances. We trust you and love you.