February 25, 2015 - Choosing

"Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the LORD is your strength!” (Nehemiah 8:10b NLT)

We are coming closer to the end of the chemo treatment tunnel. Just as there has been a cumulative nature to the physical side effects, the same is true of the impact on my mind and spirit, and today has not been the best. Today, I have felt fear, sadness and frustration, instead of joy. 

Why? 

Chemo will be finished soon, but that doesn't mean the cancer journey will be over. Finishing chemo does not mean cancer is forever eradicated. Chemo will be followed by another surgery in April, and then scans and tests begin in May. So while life gets much more "normal" after finishing chemo and other treatments - it is a fragile balance. The good news, what everyone hopes and prays for - is that cancer never comes back. But that isn't always the case.

The road ahead can look long, and sometimes lonely. There are times when I am talking with someone, and I suddenly feel very isolated - I can feel that the things that fill my day, and fill my future, are such a stark contrast to normal, to life before cancer.

So after spending much of today mulling over the "reality" of life after treatment, here is my conclusion:

I can't control the physical side effects of this battle, and I can't control the results of a PET scan, but I do have control over what I feed my mind and my spirit. And while I may be free to choose fear and sadness, after looking at those options - I will continue to choose joy. Even if chemo stinks. Even during surgery recovery. Even when I have to wear a wig. Even if test results are scary.

We all have issues in our lives. We all get to choose how we are going to deal with those life-altering, overwhelming challenges. No one is going to force us to live with joy instead of fear or anger or frustration. 

Having tried it both ways, joy once again wins for me. Joy is the better choice. Always. smile emoticon

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13 NLT)