February 4, 2015 - Rest

I am feeling better every day. And I am very fortunate that my side effects have been limited - nausea (which is well controlled by meds), sores in my mouth, and fatigue. Oh yes, and losing MY HAIR!! That one still stings, but it is temporary. 

smile emoticon

They say that with chemo, you will have fatigue like you have never experienced before - and that is correct. Feeling like bags of sand are attached to my arms and legs, preventing me from moving around a lot - that is at its worst. It's frustrating, but not fatal. 

They say, "You just need to rest!" Easy!

But my brain did not get the memo about resting. While my body is tired, my mind is going 1000 miles an hour, thinking of all the things I need to do. On the days when I am physically too worn out to read or watch tv or listen to music, my brain is in there, like a hamster on a wheel, just spinning!! 

It is amazing how God is using every part of this journey to teach me something - even the fatigue! Because the inability to rest is not something that just suddenly surfaced in my life. While I am much less of a workaholic than in previous years, I can still push the envelope, always busy, thinking about the next thing. And I have definitely not been the best role model for my girls. It's amazing how you can think something makes sense, think that you DO have to be so busy - until you watch your child doing the same thing. I'm sorry, Mindy Boyd Baier and Kelli Williford!! 

Inability to rest is not God's best plan for us. I told Brother Ken this week that I think what I am supposed to be learning is that it is ok to rest. And he agreed with me!  smile emoticon That may sound crazy to some people, but it is true in my case. 

Yesterday, when I was so tired, I looked up verses in the Bible dealing with rest - and this one jumped out:

"It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones." (Psalms 127:2 NLT) 

God is so gracious; He wants to GIVE us rest but we have to be open to accepting it. He has given me a husband and daughters who are always watching out for me, amazing friends and family who are willing to help us, and a job that I love, working with the most supportive boss and staff in the world. NO ONE is pressing me to not rest - it is self-imposed.

So today, when I was feeling better, I did not turn it into a work marathon - Tony and I ate lunch with Kelli and John and kiddos, and then Clara and I went shopping for her valentine present. She and I pretty much have the same taste in clothes smile emoticon - she got a "pop star outfit" that I would borrow if I could! Then she came over and saw the kittens, and we had a great time just talking. 

Baby steps - but there are lessons that God wants to teach each of us. They are to bless us, not to hurt us. He loves us and wants what is best for us. Like the ability to rest. I am paying attention.