I just read this list - and I am so fortunate that this is exactly what my friends have done for me. The list was put together by breast cancer survivors (credit to Debba Haupert), but I've tweaked it a little, and I think it applies to any friend who is dealing with difficult life issues - infertility, a special needs child, illness, the loss of a family member.
1) Provide encouragement - Sometimes a woman is looking for a friend simply to affirm that she is doing all the right things and that she’s going to be okay. Remind her of her strengths and victories, uphold her decisions and encourage her to keep going.
2) Listen - Listen without judgment, whenever it’s needed. Avoid easy answers or telling her to buck up and be strong. There are times when life can be overwhelming and they need to talk about it. Be the person they need – and simply listen. Let them process their thoughts aloud, listen and care.
3) Offer help – Instead of saying open-endedly, “Let me know if you need anything,” ask precisely what you can do. Ask your friend if she’d like you to bring dinner, do laundry, babysit or go grocery shopping for her. Identify what needs to be done and ask if you can help her by doing it.
4) Cheer her up – Do things that really help and buoy spirits. Buy her a pair of cute socks or flip flops, or a scarf. Give her a gift certificate for a massage or a manicure.
5) Be understanding – Plato said “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Your girlfriend is going to have good and bad days, so be patient on those days when she may say something she might not mean, or not mean it the way it sounded. She is fighting a battle and deserves your patience, grace and understanding. Don’t take things personally… cut your girlfriend some slack.
6) Help her communicate - She may not want to talk about what is happening all the time. While she’ll appreciate your interest in how she’s doing, it can be wearing to go through all the details again and again.
7) Laughter is the best medicine – Give or lend her your romantic comedy movies or books, or take her to a chick flick. Send her funny cards or wrap up silly presents so she has fun gifts to open. Be flexible with your time – and jump at the chance to be with her when she’s feeling good.
8) Offer inspiration – Share stories of people who have gone through the same thing and are doing well. We all need inspiration, reassurance and optimism. It’s even better if you can connect your friend with those people so they can talk to them.
9) Friendship endurance – Be in this friendship for the long haul. There are going to be good and bad days, weeks, and months. Be her friend no matter what. Continue to be there for her.
10) Celebrate life together! Look for opportunities to be together, to share memories and moments to remember, go on an adventure or explore together, laugh together and cry together when needed. See the beauty in each day as her friend and let her know that. Celebrate each day of friendship.
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