February 2, 2015 - What If?

What If?

Today has been a good day. Tony and I got out of the house for a little while; we picked up glasses and ate lunch, and I was ready to head home. Not exactly running a 5k or anything! But that was much better than the last few days - it's the first time I've had anything other than pj's on since Friday, so I call that a win!

There are times when my brain feels like it's running behind me, trying to catch up with everything that has happened the past few months. To say that I have/had cancer seems very surreal. One day, one of my friends, Dayna, said that there was so much going on before Christmas (Kelli and John coming home, our new grandbaby, Mindy and Michael moving to Memphis, Tony and I working with the launch team to open LF West), that I really didn't have time to process what was happening. I think that is spot on; I also think that sometimes God just blankets us with an incredible peace to face the storm. I am overwhelmed when I think of how many prayers have been prayed on our behalf. We do have the most supportive friends and family, and we are forever grateful. 

Now that the big storm of surgery, recovery, beginning chemo and losing my hair is over, I have more time to think. Joyce Meyer wrote a book called "Battlefield of the Mind" and I have never understood that concept so clearly until now. We are so, so incredibly fortunate to have such a great medical team, and even though chemo isn't easy, it could be much worse; I am very thankful for that. 

But there are times, especially when my body and mind are tired, that I start going through the "what if's". I watched my mother die of this disease, and even though treatment has come a long way, the type of cancer I had was like hers in that the cells can easily metastasize to other parts of the body. Sometimes, I wonder when/if this will really be "over" as there is always another scan/test/appointment on the calendar. I think about what I would do if I was faced with more chemo. The list of "what if's" can grow quickly. 

We all experience the "what if" battle. We know that God brought us through the parting of the Red Sea (or whatever the equivalent is in our lives) but we feel unsure that He can be trusted to give us manna each day - or we complain about the manna that He provides. We act as if the God we read about in the Bible is unable to perform those"miracles of Biblical proportion" in our lives. We start to rely on our own wisdom, and that is not a good plan. 

The battle is there, and the best way I know to deal with this is to take those "what if" thoughts captive. To replace the unknown "what if's?" with the promises in God's Word. satan wants us to believe that our situation is different; that THIS time, God isn't paying attention - but that is a lie straight from the pit of hell!! God can be trusted and He has given us everything we need for any battle we face. 

"But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." (John 14:26-27 NLT)