I keep a list of important dates from this journey... The day I was diagnosed with breast cancer, surgery and chemo dates, the date that my hair started falling out. I am an organizer, and I like to document things - see their beginning and end.
The last date on the list is my reconstruction surgery. That is the finish line - when this will seem "over" to me; when, in my mind, I can close the book on this chapter. The date has changed twice. It was originally scheduled for February but was postponed because I needed to do chemo. Then it was scheduled for April but was postponed because of my eye issues.
My neat little list has gotten messy - "the plan" is marred with detours and a moving finish line.
I am generally doing okay with additional "face down" days, but this afternoon has been a struggle. There has never been a time when I have been at such a literal standstill in my adult life, and it is difficult to deal with. I am an action person - and I miss being a part of what is happening, in my family, at work and at church. I am not used to having people feel sorry for me - although I do look pretty rough!! smile emoticon No hair, few eyebrows and eyelashes, a big patch on my eye or a blood shot eye, face down - it is not a glamour shot, for sure!! So when people come into our house, they say things like, "Oh, Kathy" and pat me on the shoulder. smile emoticon And I don't blame them!! I would do the same thing. I thought about posting a picture - but it is TOO pitiful!! frown emoticon
Some days are like that! You know the feeling? But on days like today, we need to remind ourselves of a few things:
1) God isn't surprised by moving finish lines
2) He has every day of our lives planned
3) He fiercely loves us
2) He has every day of our lives planned
3) He fiercely loves us
Because I'm not "feeling it" so much today doesn't change the truth. I will continue trusting that this is a part of God's plan for my life, and while I may think I'm sidelined, He has purpose in this season. Detours are part of the plan. Moving finish lines are part of the plan. He has purpose for every one of us, if we can just be patient and trust His plan.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.," Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)
We all have a choice to make, some days more than once in a day - but I CHOOSE JOY!!
No comments:
Post a Comment