It has been a good week. Only two weeks and one day past my last chemo, but physically, I am feeling great and have been so excited to be back to a more “normal” schedule. The next big date on the calendar is reconstruction surgery on Monday, April 20th. That gives me over three weeks of “normal” before it’s time for recuperation.
Normal. That word has never sounded so good. But at the same time, I am trying to sort out what that actually means. God has taught me so much over the last five months. I have learned about choosing JOY in the middle of tough situations. In this season, I have slowed down, and I think become more mellow. But as I move towards “normal” again, I find myself picking up old patterns - patterns of frustration, irritation, and efforts to control situations. Trying to find my place back in the world of “normal.”
There is challenge in trying to find JOY in the normal. Maybe it’s easier to find joy when we are in battle - chemo, cancer, surgery, the unknown and unexpected - because we see how desperately we need JOY to survive. But when we get back to normal, we can feel that we are back in control, and we can set joy on the sidelines, almost as if we are saying, “Thanks for the help, but I’ve got it now.”
I have realized something today. Normal for me before was not always healthy or happy. The best place, the place where I will find JOY, is when I realize how utterly helpless I am without giving God total control and leaning into the JOY that He gives.
So I have a new plan. After looking forward so much to going back to “normal” - I’m not going back!
Why? Because JOY is found when we stop trying to manage things - our lives, our spouses, our children, our circumstances. When we wake up each day saying, “God, you are the author of my life, you have planned each of my days, and I am giving YOU control. I am choosing JOY for this day, and I am trusting you to order my steps.” When we stop spending so much time trying to figure things out, and spend more time with God, letting Him lead, and focusing on LOVING Him and showing LOVE and KINDNESS to those around us rather than MANAGING them, that’s when we will find JOY.
Normal is over-rated. smile emoticon
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