May 8, 2019 - 10 Things Not to Say to Someone with Metastatic Breast Cancer

A practical post about cancer.  🙂 It's pretty long, with an attached article which goes into detail regarding what I am posting below.

The article focuses on metastatic breast cancer, but it applies to stage 4 cancer of any type. And I’m not posting this because people always say the wrong things. Sometimes it's hard to know WHAT to say. This might help us see how people dealing with this stage of cancer look at things. I'm thankful for family and friends who are there for us every day!  🙂

"10 Things Not to Say to Someone With Metastatic Breast Cancer

1. Don't Say: "When Will You Be Done With Treatment?"
Ask Instead: "What treatment are you receiving now?" or "How are you feeling with your treatment?"

2. Don't Say: "There Has to Be a Cure"
Instead Say: "I'm sure you feel frightened at times with all you are facing. If you ever need to talk to someone openly, I'm here."

3. Don't Say: "You Just Have to Stay Positive"
Instead Say: "I know cancer sucks. Anytime you want to vent your frustrations without judgment, I'm here."

4. Don't Say: "You are Strong and You'll Beat This"
There are many variations to this comment, such as "Keep fighting." What does a comment such as this imply if your friend chooses to stop a treatment which is causing more side effects than it is worth? That she is giving up? That she doesn't want to live?
Instead Say: "You've really been a trooper through all of this."

5. Don't Say: "Did You Smoke?"
Instead Say: "I'm impressed with how you are taking care of yourself," or, if someone around you happens to make one of these comments, "Nobody deserves to have cancer."

6. Don't Say: "I Read About a Treatment…" or "You Need To..."
Instead Say: "It sounds like you've chosen a great team to treat your cancer."

7. Don't Say" "Aren't You Glad You Have Breast Cancer Instead of Some Other Cancer?"
Instead Say: "I've heard that people with metastatic breast cancer often feel forgotten in the breast cancer movement. Why don't you tell me how that feels, and what I can do to help make a difference."

8. Don't Say: "Call Me if You Need Me"
Instead Say: "Can we come over on Saturday and vacuum your house?"

9. Don't Say: "I Understand"
Instead Say: "I have no idea what you are going through, but I'm here for you."

10. Don't Say: "You Don't Look Sick"
Since she knows she has a cancer which isn't curable, this comment may be a reminder to her that some day she will look sick. Instead, find some way to compliment her on what she now values much more than "looks." For example, a word about her tenderness, her gentleness, or her love for others.

Do Say: "I Don't Know What to Say"
If you're struggling to know what to say to your friend, simply tell her that. Let her know that you have no idea what you should say. She will appreciate the honesty more than you know.

Bottom Line on What to Say and Not to Say to Someone with MBC
If you're human, chances are that you've said one of these things not-to-say things to your loved one with cancer. Don't fret. You're human! People living with MBC know that you are in a position in which you simply don't know what to say. Chances are, they've been there themselves in the past and have spoken these same comments they now cringe to hear. Don't let the fear of saying the wrong thing keep you from saying anything. It's most important that your friend knows yo

u are not going away."

When someone you know has metastatic breast cancer, find out what things you should not say and what you should say instead.