December 7, 2018 - Cancer

I’ll be headed back home in a little while. Yesterday wasn’t a bad day - it just wasn’t as “AWESOME!” as some days have been. They did a scan of my chest, and the tumors in my lungs and lymph nodes are still there. They are basically stable - which is absolutely a WIN in the world of metastatic breast cancer. 

But it doesn’t feel like a win to me. Elimination of tumors would be a win, in my line of thinking. Feeling strong and healthy would be a win. Instead, the tumors and I are “peacefully cohabitating”. I am tired, and I need to do more planning to figure out which days I will be “busy” - because I can’t handle the schedule I used to handle. I need rest days. In this world, tumors not growing (much), stable numbers, is a victory. I’ve always known that; it just feels different when you are the patient. This takes an adjustment in my mindset. And I KNOW that God could completely heal me in a second - but sometimes His plans aren’t so simple and clear and fast. 

I listened to a song this morning as I had my devotion time; it was such a reminder that though this can feel like a LONG uphill journey, I’m not alone. And neither are you!

We have wonderful friends and family - but most of all, God is right by our side, letting us know that He is with us. Today, I am leaning into Him!!

“When I walk through deep waters
I know that You will be with me
When I'm standing in the fire
I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow
I will not fear

I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me” - Kari Jobe

I am not alone - Kari Jobe