September 9, 2018

This has been a frustrating weekend. After not having problems with nausea, I have had nausea off and on since Friday. Add fatigue to the mix, and I haven’t been able to do much. I went to church this morning but left before the first service was over. 

I think I tend to compartmentalize having cancer. It looks like this:

1) Have cancer/go to “work” (treatment) during the week

2) Jump back into our regular life on the weekends

But it doesn’t work like that - or at least it isn’t working today! Last weekend I was super busy. This weekend, try as I might, I can’t “will myself” to do the things I would like to do. So irritating! 

We have such high expectations for ourselves!! Even after all the lessons that God has taught me, I still can struggle with finding value in what I am doing - so not being able to do things is very discouraging. Life is not all happy pictures of running around and having fun. A lot of my life lately looks like the pictures below.  🙂

It’s a good reminder to me that we don’t have to always be “doing” - that God can use us without our trying so hard. He wants us to find our value - and rest - in Him. When we are overwhelmed, He gives us peace and joy. So simple - but sometimes so hard to remember!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew‬ ‭11:28‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus‬ ‭33:14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.” Psalm‬ ‭62:5‬ ‭NIV‬

“Put your faith, hope, and trust in God. Do not look at your circumstances. Commit yourself to doing what He requires of you. Cling to the promises in His Word. Then when desperation pulls at your heart, you can cry out to Him, knowing that He hears your every word and will answer and provide the encouragement you need to hold out in the face of adversity.” - Charles Stanley

UPDATE: We think we figured out what’s going on! I am on a chemo med for 3 weeks, off 1 week to allow my white and red blood counts time to recover. I am in week 3 right now which means for the next week, my immune system is at its weakest. Just have to get through 1 rough week out of 4, and I can do that!